Do you wish you were never born? Do you think about suicide

Post Reply New Topic

I do, and I think my parents would have been better off without me.

Yes, those thoughts have drifted in and out of my head periodically since I was a teenager. I don't believe I will ever attempt suicide--I'm much too scared to try anything and I know how it would hurt my family. But as for wishing I wasn't born, that occurs to me almost every day.

My parents were not emotionally ready to have a normal child, much less one with ASD. A control freak mother, a father with no self-control--do the math on that one. It wasn't a good environment. I don't know why they thought they could raise two happy children with the relationship they had. The whole thing was flawed from the start. I wish they had waited, or just never married at all. I feel like I was just abandoned here in a frightening and ugly world that doesn't want me, a burden on everyone I associate with. The guilt and loneliness never go away.

Cannot really say I wish I was never born...but I have attempted suicide and have come close a couple times since than, but usually its more just suicidal ideation without a specific plan to act. I guess life just gets too painful sometimes a lot of times I feel like avoiding potentially bad experiences because of being afraid it will drive me to act on some suicidal thought...or I worry about getting too stressed. I don't really have like a longing to die feeling sort of difficult to explain I suppose

Well, no, but I'm sure that my life could be a lot better if I could think more clearly.

I used to be I don't anymore now that my depression is better & I'm more functional.

I have attempted suicide in the past, yes and still get suicidal thoughts from time to time. Once something triggers my anxiety, those things that I can usually cope with start to get to me. I sometimes worry about what my life will be like when my parents die, I rely on them for support and company. I have some friends but I don't feel as close to them as I do my parents. I've considered waiting until my parents are dead, then taking a trip around the world to see all there is to see, before finally killing myself. That way I don't have to be miserable and my parents don't have to suffer my death, my sister probably will but she has her husband for support. Suicidal thinking sometimes makes feel better because it means there is actually a way to escape an apparently inescapable situation. It may not be the popular opinion but I think people have a right to end their suffering through suicide.

I attempted suicide in May of lat year. I swallowed enough pills to put me out and it did. My wife happened to walk in on me as I dropped. After 2 days on life support and a week in lockdown I got back home. I am still recovering from that and pray I never attempt again. It is a wonder I am still here. Nothing has ever felt like the feeling when I woke up and my wife and family were there. If any moment I wish I were dead it would have been at that moment!

I often feel very depressed in the evenings. In the day I'll be fine and life is decent, but then later my stress/anxiety tends to take over and my thoughts darken. I've had one almost suicide attempt in my life (4 years ago) but, ironically, that was what ended up saving my life. I became an outpatient at a psychiatric hospital and received my diagnosis a few months later.

Anyway I'm so much better now, but I don't think the thoughts life is too hard and I don't want to live will ever completely go away. I have no plans to kill myself, but I really wish those thoughts would be less present.

God made me this way

Back at my worst year of my life, I did thought of it once. Just once I had wished it. Because asking 'whys' doesn't always work, and nothing made any sense that time.

But in random miserable occasions, I do get curious what would it be if I never did exist at all... Imagining how would my family's and friends' life become if I was never born.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I think of my mom, my grandma, my dad, other family members, friends I've had at some point... and I feel like suicide would be betraying all of them. Also I have moments where I'm happy. Where I can appreciate the beauty in life.

But I'd be lying to say I don't have countless times where I feel utterly inferior, spiraling into self-hate, wishing something so pathetic and worthless as myself didn't have to exist. Pretty much every day I feel this way for some amount of time. Like I don't belong anywhere. Other people know how to. They know how to belong. I don't. I don't know how to share myself with others. Nor was I given the ability to do so. I can't express myself. I can't be a whole person. Sometimes I feel so broken that I wish I was dead. All I do is complicate and ruin. I can't handle anything. All of it overwhelms me. I'm terrified of this world. This isn't a world for broken toys. Sometimes I want to throw myself away before they can. But I won't. Only for my family and the chance that someday things will get better.

If only I hadn't been born. It's like my dream life.

All I can think about is dying because it's all I have.

I used to. It got so bad that I had to start taking medication. x_x I felt like I was a monster, and I didn't want to keep living... so I was constantly thinking of it, yet I could never really go through with it. I'm kind of glad I didn't though. I mean, if I did, then I never would have discovered my true hero. <3

Speaking of a hero if I hadn't been alive in 2014 I wouldn't have seen Anna and Elsa on OUAT. I liked them before but they completely became my heroes after that. It was so much better, for me at least, then I could have imagined or expected. I loved it so much. I love them so much.

So being alive usually does mean getting to experience a few great, sometimes even incredible, things a year. That doesn't eliminate the hardships. But it is something to look forward to. Those moments where I'm so glad to be alive.

I can not imagine how my child will think about it. As any mother will help in every way to the moral question of suicide was not raised.