This video is just disgraceful to the autistic community.

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There is a big trend of mothers being left alone. Fathers? Where are they? So let's see. There once was the cold refrigerator mother theory. Where were the fathers?

Now mothers are trying to get sympathy from people by saying such awful things in front of their children and exploiting them on film. Where are the fathers?

How many youtube videos are there of mothers filming their child while having a meltdown? Oh yes the first thing that comes to mind..."Grab a camera!"


I can't stand how parents are now. It's such a selfish me me me society. "MY wants, my expectations, what I wanted you to be".

Pageant mothers anyone??
Notice how the screaming and tantruming and spoiled brat behaviors are okay? There is no "Oh poor me, being a mom to this awful child." The mother gets to control her little barbie doll.


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3wXyyE4_m0[/youtube]

That's exactly the sort of thing I was thinking of in point 3 of my post. This AutismSpeaks video is part of the larger reality TV culture. It fits seamlessly into a society that considers it acceptable to film children during their most difficult behavioral times. The pageant moms themselves seem untroubled by their daughters' behavior. However, parents are supposed to help their kids learn how to control their emotional dysregulation (temper tantrums) to help them mature rather than keeping them locked in toddler behaviour patterns by considering it cute. I also don't think it's a good idea to encourage a little girl to value nothing about herself but her looks.

Although I doubt the pageant moms realize it, this (and similar shows that exploit children) are meant to make viewers feel superior (better at either actual parenting or theoretical parenting, depending on whether or not they have kids) and keep watching the way they'd keep watching any fascinating disaster. In the Autism Speaks video, the viewer is supposed to feel relief that they have escaped the fate of changing an older child's diaper or having a nightly wrestling match for tooth brushing. They donate money almost as a warding-off to keep distance between themselves and the luckless people in the video. You see that in lots of "save these people by donating" videos. The viewer is supposed to feel an enormous distance between their own lucky life and the luckless life of those people- thus donate. Somebody posted an article upthread about the making of the Autism Speaks video that illustrates how that distance was created intentionally by urging the mothers not to neaten up before filming and to exclude any footage of mellow, relaxed activities. The distance between viewer and people in the film is the whole point of these things, pageant moms, any reality show and also this and other "please donate" videos.

Thank you all for your opinions and criticisms, It has been greatly appreciated.

Guys, for a joke..I think for one week to honor NT's, we should all pretend to be divas. Even the men. To let them know how grateful we are and that we all have an inner queen waiting to shine. What do you say?? Think we can pull it off?

Lines to say.

"I demand better treatment than this!! ! I am a diva! I am royalty!"

"You do not speak down to the princess!"

"Rules are for fools! I do what I a want!"

"Whatevar!! !"

"As if" now roll your eyes. (or is that outdated)


Just basically act like you have entitlement issues and make demands for the best.


Ladies, you'll look like this okay?

[img][250:450]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bkK3i6TBBxA/TNH9QLcEhGI/AAAAAAAAA7c/s1WkAzj6b30/s1600/IMG_9332.jpg[/img]

Men you'll look like this okay? You don't have to wear bows in your hair or makeup if you don't want...

Just because parents are stressing out doesn't mean they don't accept their kids. They are trying to get them the help they need but due to lack of support, they can't. Also not everyone knows how to help their child. Not everyone has an autistic child like those kids in the video. I think the more severe the child is, the harder it is to cope with it.

I think the point of that video is to try and bring them more support for autism so the parents were telling everyone their struggles so people be aware of it so they can get more help. I think it be better if Autism Speaks tried to bring more funding for more help than to trying to find a cure but maybe them trying to fund more help is the cure? That is what those parents are always talking about on the forum, helping their child=cure. One of them even told me my mother was a curebie because the treatment she was giving me such as teaching me how to talk. To us that isn't a cure but to them it is.

I'm getting a little tired of this. I want to know one thing. How many of the people that get pissed at videos like this are actually PARENTS of Autistic kids?

How may that are, didn't know their kids had Autism when the symptoms started showing?

I'm sorry, because I know what I'm about to say is going to piss off a lot of users here, but dammit, I AM a parent of THREE Autistic boys. I KNOW what these parents are talking about. It CAN be a living hell.

The ONLY thing I do not like about these videos is that we only ever hear what it's like for the parents. But what can you expect when all they ever focus on is severe Autism, and never high functioning Autisms?

My kids and I are all high functioning, yet when they were all very young, we could NEVER go anywhere unless we were prepared to listen to non stop screaming the entire way in the car. That lasted for years. And that's not even 5% of the story, but I'm not going to rave on about it here because I don't expect any more sympathy from some users here than we got from everyone around us when my kids were younger who "poo-pooed" us when we explained how hard it really was. These parents are just being honest about what they are going through. It's not their fault their kids can't speak for themselves. It wasn't our fault either. Many of our friends minimized what we went through, until they themselves tried taking one of them, who was the most severe with AS, overnight, and couldn't even handle a single overnight with him. Every time someone tried to take him overnight, we had to come get him because they couldn't handle him.

Until you've walked in these parents shoes yourself, and LIVED what they are experiencing, you don't know. We did. We know. We sympathize with these people.

Yes, Autism Speaks ought to show the world there is more to Autism than just severe cases. YES, they SHOULD show the world that many of us can speak for ourselves, but to jump all over these parents for honestly relating their experiences isn't the answer. They're just telling it like it is, FOR THEM.

Do YOU have an Autistic child? Or are you just looking at it all through your own Autistic eyes?

I have Autism too. I GET the fact that most of us can speak for ourselves. And I'm LUCKY that our kids can now too. But many parents are not so lucky. I have three, and have it myself. My wife has a brother with AS. My neighbor three doors down has a preteen on the spectrum. Two doors down, there's a couple with a two year old just diagnosed with Classic Autism. He may never be able to speak for himself. That poor couple can never bring all their four kids shopping. One always has to go alone, and the only other times they can get out as a family is for drives to nowhere in particular due to safety concerns.

We used to have to harness all three of our kids so none of them would run off and disappear, or run in front of cars and get hit. They would run around in stores, and run right into metal shelving, gashing their heads open. That kid of stuff would even happen at home.

Think before you accuse people of being horrible parents. Ask yourself, "Do I have any idea what it's like to go through what they are going through?"

If you don't, maybe it's better to just admit you don't. If you do, maybe it's better to offer some advice if you have any.

I totally agree that Autism Speaks approach sucks, but to outright pan these people for being rotten parents is just plain judgmental.

You know what I see in that video that it seems so many do not? Parents that, in spite of how hard it is for them, are THERE for their kids. Do you have any ideal how hard that can be? Do you have any idea what going through all of that can DO to a marriage? I DO! Nobody plans to have Autistic kids. Nobody knows what it will do to their lives and marriage until it happens. We made it through, and I'm sure most parents do, but it's hard. VERY hard, and having been through it myself, I know these people deserve FAR more credit than they are getting here.

For crying out loud, they are doing their jobs, aren't they? Their kids aren't being pawned of to institutions are they? You can't tell me these people don't LOVE their kids!

Yeah, I DO take this personally, because I AM a parent of Autistic kids (who just happens to be Autistic too). When people start judging parents like these so harshly, who are saying all the very same things WE did when our kids were younger, it's the same as being judged ourselves, and I'm sorry, but I do not take kindly to it from others who very likely have NO CLUE.

When YOU'VE been through it yourself, THEN come talk to me about how it's done correctly.

Until then, I don't want to hear it. Ask questions if you like, but DON'T tell me that just because I say it's hard, I'm a horrible parent.

Last edited by MrXxx on 19 Dec 2011, 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, that's not how life is because there may very well not be a God. In many species, they kill the defective offspring. I'm not saying humans should do that...but we are still animals and we have the same urges. According to modern Western culture, being a 'PARENT' (as you caps-locked it) demands complete self-sacrifice, this was not always so. For thousands of years (and presently in many other cultures) people had kids for social prestige and to have someone to support them in their old age. Everyone who has children on purpose does it partly for selfish reasons.

Last edited by puddingmouse on 19 Dec 2011, 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It still doesn't excuse saying such nasty things in front of your child. I don't think it should be excusable and all it reveals is just how prejudice people really are against autistics. What that mother said in front of her child was wrong. There is way too much focus on the parents and their feelings but very little focus on the child. If a child with autism doesn't speak, guess how much that child is hearing and can't verbalize how upset she or he is? Why not try to for once step inside the autistic child's shoes?

It's almost forced on people to only step inside the parent's shoes often with theatrical emotions and people suggesting that there was nothing wrong with what she said but I just know that if that child did not have autism, all hell would break loose.

Isn't that how prejudism is?

There is little to no concern about the child. It's all about the parent. Do you see how backwards that is and perhaps if the child is made to feel like an unloved burden to be killed that the child may not trust her?

All children need love and support. When a parent fixates on themselves, their needs, their wants and their embarrassment of their child and then get all confused as to why the child is crying for a long time after the parent said some very nasty things because the parent assumes their child that doesn't speak can't listen or comprehend...how would you as a child feel?

Can you possibly even put yourself in her shoes? We're always being asked to put ourselves in everyone else's shoes. No I don't endorse abuse. Some people think abusing the mentally different will "break" them.

On top of that...these videos encourage more people to feel immune to harming your autistic children as it's okay to bully them and treat them as inferior because nobody loves them...not even their own parents.

This is a disservice also to the parents as they will face more attacks on their children.

Even Kathy Lee Gifford thinks it's okay to patronize and humiliate someone with autism. When he cries about it, they laugh at him.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MwuJy07lQY[/youtube]

Last edited by TheygoMew on 19 Dec 2011, 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not going to say that they are horrible parents, because i'm sure they are doing everything they can for their children, as is the case for most parents. But when you sit there and say those horrible things about your life, and about your child when the child is PRESENT in the same room, then yeah, i'm going to think you're a sh***y person. Therefore i'm going to say something about it.

That's really why I posted this. How can you just sit there and say those things so nonchalantly with your children right behind you?

Sure, I posted this through the eyes of someone with autism, and yes, I have a clue of what it's like because i'm pretty sure I put my parents through similar events. But you know what, we worked through it, and prayed that things would get better, and guess what? they did. I know what it's like for the parents with kids on the spectrum who are more severe than others, and I truly with all my heart feel for them. Luckily some of us CAN speak for ourselves, and we should be thankful for that alone, among many other things.

I'm not trying to pick bones with anyone here, I'm just trying to show others how unacceptable this is towards innocent children who are disabled, as i'm sure YOU as a parent and as someone with autism can understand. It hurts. I know.

No, TPS has a very valid point, it does happen. It's the reason I don't want children. It could happen to you. You have no way of knowing whether you will love your own children, or not.

Stop being so self-righteous.

Okay, if their kids weren't in the room with them and they said those things, would it have been okay?

No, I won't stop being self righteous, because like I have posted 3 times before, and i'll post it 1,000 more times if I have to: If I EVER did have a child that was defected in ANY way, I would love it no matter what. Sure i'd probably want to pull my hair out at times, or have a nervous breakdown, but i'd still LOVE that child, because it's MINE. Why wouldn't I love it? Because it's different? Because it doesn't fit in with society? Well i'll tell you something, society can just kiss my ass.

I don't think i'm more superior, or holier than anyone else here, and i'm sorry if that's how I presented myself.
I have strong beliefs, and you can bet your bottom dollar that i'm going to stick to them.

Not at all. No one should ever say something like that that about their children present or not.

When parents kill normal children, there is sympathy for the children.

When parents kill autistic children, the stories talk about the suffering of the parent and there is no sympathy for the dead child.

Read the comments...
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/infamous-cas ... u-cd1aXd1k

Read the comments...

http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2 ... of-murder/

You do not know that for certain. My mother had post-natal depression after my sister was born. My dad had to separate my sister and I from our own mother for our own safety. My mother loves us very much now (whatever love is) but depression-driven suicidal/homicidal thoughts can happen even to those who've never had them before.

Could you explain why not, without mentioning the word 'God'?