Anyone emotionally abused growing up?

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When I fully understood what had happened to me, that is the conclusion I also reached. I learned to love myself, and to not put myself in harms way.

I truly believed that I had recovered, lol, that I could indeed be like everyone else or better if I tried hard enough, make peace with my past and live a regular life, I think that was a naive belief now. It seems that try as i might, i was missing a basic understanding of myself and I chose to ignore my weaknesses and built a life on a foundation of quicksand.

Father emotionally and physically abused me my entire life. Mother was neglectful and was always a bystander. Neither of them taught me ANYTHING. Everything I know, I've had to learn on my own. I sincerely wish nothing but pain and misery upon them.

Yes I was emotionally abused growing up, and still have been as an adult. Also physically abused. It's hard to say how many of my problems now were caused by abuse, vs. how many were there from birth. I think each exacerbates the other in a perpetual feedback loop. Just seeing what kinds of problems run in the family I do think I was born with a neurological problem and I would have had that no matter what. However if I didn't have that I might have been able to move on from my family and support myself a lot more easily. I have talents and intelligence I am unable to use for any real purpose and I realized by the age of 7 there was something wrong with my brain. That was before the worst physical abuses happened where my head got battered, but also after the head injury I had at age 3.

I've turned things around in every which way in my mind, what if this or that didn't happen, and I don't think abuse made me who I am. I feel like I was basically born the way I am and if anything having my brain wired differently probably gave me some protection from the abuse. I mean I have seen other people who seem to me like they lost themselves somewhere along the way because of what they have been through in life. I feel like I've always had that intact, maybe buried under a pile of rubbish and crap people heaped on me but still intact nonetheless.

Wow...I did pretty much the same. I used to imagine I was an agent and that I had a secret mission to spy on my family. I would also imagine things like that the house was a castle and I had to sneak around the guards. I always had a very political view of my family and my life with them.

^^^ you sound like you had much more self-awareness at age 7 than I did.

I feel the same. Even though I'm very sensitive and possibly felt abuse more than most people, there's an underlying resilience and deep knowing of one's self plus a lot of determination.

I was abused emotionally by my father and stepmother and at times physically abused by my father. Neglected and abandoned also. When I was diagnosed the psychiatrist told me that I definitely did have Aspergers but that the trauma had made my anxiety a lot worse. He also diagnosed me with anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and sensory hypersensitivity, which he believes are either caused by or made worse by the trauma (he talks about shame a lot). But that I have always been aspie. I had the classic behaviours before any horrible sh it happened basically.

I was. I was mercilessly bullied during my primary school years by my classmates. I had girls tell me I was ugly, a "whale" because I'm overweight, and "faking it" because I had frequent seizures back then. I also had girls who used me and pretend to be my friend to get stuff they wanted from me (things such as clothes, jewelry, and other items) and would put me down constantly to make themselves feel better. Behind my back, they would make fun of me and tell their real friends that they hated me and they just hung out with me because I bought them stuff.
It left me with a lot of emotional scars that I'm still trying to repair. I still have nightmares about their abuse and I am afraid to leave my house due to fear of seeing them around town.

Yeah I think my anxiety is worse because of what I went through. I have agoraphobia too. I think a lot of my sensory issues are heightened by PTSD hypervigilance. But I think I had a lot of sensory problems and hypersensitivity to begin with. I think I was born with a high sensitivity to everything around me and I would be that way no matter what. I also think I was born with a kind of inward focus that preserved my sense of self. I was never all that caught up in being social or in worrying what other people think.

I was bullied by my peers during my grade school and MS years. My teachers didn't do much about it because they believed I "had it coming", as if I deserved being tormented by my peers. During my MS years, my old LFA friend and I were often sent to the principal's office by intolerant teachers primarily without cause.

Since then, some of my peers have apologized, but some I have ignored, making their efforts only in vain.

never turn away a sincere apology.

Some of my former peers who bullied me have indeed apologized in a sincere manner, but two bullies I have ignored, making their efforts only in vain. Kevin and Matt {who bullied me in MS} have tried their best over the years, but to no avail.

After my father passed shortly after I turned 12 in 2002, Kevin and Matt saw my father's passing as a just reason to increase their efforts to make my life a living hell. My teachers {and my specialist at the time} didn't do much about it because they believed me being bullied was not against school rules.

A few months after my father's passing, I met my now-old-LFA-friend, who was also a target for bullies and like me, teachers {we both had the same specialist} didn't do much about us being bullied.

seems a lot of teachers themselves have a bullying streak a mile wide.

During my MS years, two of my teachers were bullies in disguise. One teacher thought me seeing my specialist was actually me trying to skip class. Even worse, she was from Russia and refused to understand that students with special needs were no different from students without special needs. Another teacher was mean towards everyone {usually outside of class}, regardless if they had special needs or not.

in my experience, the ex-military teachers were the harshest.

Yep, I think so. I noticed a lot of teachers seemed like they never really grew up past school age themselves. They would try to buddy up with certain students as if they wanted to be part of the crowd, and would bully other students. And of course some who flirted with students or had affairs with them.

when I was in high school a band teacher got nailed for his affair with one of his students.

I feel this way essentially.
I don't know, I held it all together pretty well- but suddenly when I reached adulthood, and graduated college like I was "supposed to"- literally all on my own. I just fell apart.

I have a hard time telling whether I was abused or not. I think maybe. I mean I can look at links and stuff, and say: yes that happened. However, part of me is like- so what? "You were just too sensitive, and a brat- get over you- just being an ungrateful little sh*t. Not like they broke your arms as they raped you or some such. So, nothing matters."
However, the problem is IF I were to hear about the same things that happened to me happened to another aspie person it would me sad/upset because I don't think it is right.
But somehow I don't care about it for myself. Very confusing!
I was harassed and bullied by everyone- intentionally some was unintentional, but then became intentional when they realized they could torture me so easily. I was very sensitive... just all around, emotionally, physically, psychologically, like I had the fortitude and constitution of a wet paper towel I don't understand how an individual can be born/grow up so utterly riddled with vulnerabilities and weaknesses! I think they gave a s**t when I was an infant/non-verbal toddler, but as soon as I started really talking (4/5- details are kind of fuzzy)... well, it was down hill from there!
I think I was inherently very flighty, and such and when people they saw that in combination with the slow and incongruous development and precocious intelligence (sort of) and went "OH- we can f**k with this one. BWAHAHAHAHA" <- or some variation of that.
And again, I would find this vile for any other person- why would someone take advantage of a weak person like that??? (rhetorical question..)
However, I think my AS helped me cope in a way. Yes, they WERE bullying me (everyone- family too) for my AS, but also it made unaware just how insidious some of the things they were saying and doing were. (I wasn't physically abused by my parents, but other people yeah- I was an easy target lol).
And my parents I think were kind of mad at first, but just like shrugged their shoulders after a while and were like- oh well whatever, you'll learn!! Good luck.
Sink or Swim, and then when I started "drowning" there was a distant "that's not the way to do it haha Fail!"
and that's about it.
No one EVER apologized or made amends in any way- they gaslight me and blame me saying I was a brat and b***h "got what was coming to you".

When I got to college- I wondered how people could get over their bullying experiences so well, but then I realized their experiences were qualitatively different- like universes apart.

I don't know. I guess I try to move on from it. With Varying degrees of success, but I like the direction my life is in. It's hard, but I never give up, once I got out of that initial bad environment, it was like a new life- which I'm very much thankful for! I just want to work on continuing to improve my life as much as and when I can.