I've cracked the body language code, folks!

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I thank you for finally explaining that more thoroughly; first off, yes of course I'm still polite with people. In general, I believe in taking the high road as often as possible, even if they won't.

That doesn't mean be a walking doormat, it just means that I stand by my word, and be respectful as possible; and by the way, that's not something I do for them per se, but something I do for my own self respect.

I would never do anything to endanger my professional work life. There's a difference between doing my job professionally, remaining chivalrous in the process even on Break, and being "on the clock" at all times good sir. How would refusing to engage them about something pointless in the Break Room endanger my job? I'm focusing on other things when I'm on my Break; I'm doing nothing to break any rules.

Well before, I often turned a considerable blind eye to people being douchebags to me, simply figuring "deep down, there must be some goodness in them", as I was always told. I no longer do this, and in many cases will not even get involved with people like that. Even if I see hints of douchebaggery, or see people willingly engaging with them, I will not get involved. If I see even the tiniest sign that something might be off, I don't get any further involved and try to "help out".

Also in many cases, like with my now-former best friend, I would make several attempts to keep everything working as smoothly as possible; I no longer do that. If they want to continue to engage with me, they will; my time is very limited these days, and will not wait forever for them to do so. I often times will also not believe double-talk when I hear it, and make sure to get as accurate of an answer as I can; in many cases if someone tries to give me an excuse, I "catalog" things they've told me in the past, then repeat it to them.

Like I said from the start: I'm using what I've had from birth to deal with it....it seems to be working quite nicely

You don't think I was being clear enough? It's like asking the same question over to get a response.

Alright, I better understand your behavior. Though it does seem like you're kind of acting NT to some extend with your behavior toward people, this is how they usually act.

What do you do if you have a co-worker who you usually get along with, then they act douchey, then they later try to continue as if nothing happened? Do you find your new behavior might actually make them more antagonistic? I find that calling people out on doublespeak might usually piss them off further, and with their mental capacity, that might lead to more problems with them. How the hell do you get out of that situation?

But if it's not happening with you, then I'm going to give it a try and keep you posted.

I only call them out on double-speak if it's really necessary; it's mostly other people in my life who I'm far closer to that I usually do that with, and they know I love 'em to death.

It also depends if the situation requires it or not; the only time I ever found it necessary to call them out on it was when they were getting involved in some stupid political debate, and they had the nerve to say to me "Russell, you haven't offered up your opinion/shared your perspective!", as I had done similar at far earlier points in the past. I basically said to them "why? what's the point in saying anything? Is it gonna change anything? Is my point honestly gonna matter to you? Will anything I say honestly make a difference? No...so I just let you talk and say whatever you want; it's the exact same thing over and over again! I have better things to focus on".

I don't get involved otherwise, I told you.

Technically good sir, it's not my "new behavior"; it's my behavior....I'm just being me; I'm having fun being myself. I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

I hope it works for you.....but the thing is I hope in the process you actually understand what I'm trying to explain here.

I think I understand. One thing though, most of your scenarios are between you and at least 2 other NTs. What do you do when it's one-on-one with an NT, and they want to make small talk. Or what are some problems you used to have one-on-one that you've improved on?

If they want to talk, I talk; I'm just me, and I talk. Will they take it in for longevity? I can't guarantee that; they do with it what they want. I will also tell you though: many times people have actually referred to me as "an intellect and a scholar"; take it as you will ':B-)

I think part of that is the idea that "wow, that guy seems deeper than most people." But they still can't fully understand you. I would rather someone who called me a scholar actually be able to comprehend why I'm a scholar (or not a scholar), rather than just make the assumption that, "wow, he seems knowledgeable, so he must be."

I've seen people, and this doesn't apply to you, who feed off the perception of others that they're somehow geniuses. Most of the times, the people praising them can't actually analyze whether or not they are geniuses, they just go on perception. And the so-called "genius" is happy with this, because he doesn't want to be questioned. He doesn't want anyone to actually expose the smoke in mirrors.

No I fully understand that; at the same time though, I know not to expect them to understand me. If they truly appreciate it, great. If they don't, again...no loss to me. ':B-)

Alright. I'm going to try to apply what you're saying here and see how it goes, and I may bump the thread in the future, if you're still around.

Let me ask you one last question:

You gave some examples of what you do differently, and I know we're all different from one another, but where's a good place to start for someone who wants to test the waters? In other words, are there some commonalities between your former behavior and the behavior of aspies here trying to fit in/appease? Where's a good starting point, that you think might be universal in both of our experiences, where I can try out what you're saying?

And btw: here's another problem with trying to fit in and "appeasing" those who won't be appeased: you may lose your own identity in the process.

Another Autistic fellow from here told me he did to a considerable degree, and now he's in a massive depression from it.

Look, no matter how much you try to look like them, you don't; and in times of honesty towards you, they're gonna tell you that.

cJust be you, and have fun doing it. Oh, they'll put you down for it, but you're gonna get that either way.

At least when you're just being you, you can just focus on excelling at what you're actually good at, rather than half-assing what you clearly aren't.

Biggest truth ever told about autistics, but generally we reach this insight only in our forties-fifties (hence the need for an adults forum, so we won't depress the young, hopeful aspies). Kudos for your wisdom at your tender age.

Just one word of caution about the difference in behavior at work and outside work: you can't assume that everyone reading you lives in a big community. Many people live in small communities where word gets very soon to their bosses at work of things they did or said at someone's birthday party last night (that someone being totally unrelated to your boss). And even about how to dress outside work - my chances of bumping into my boss or co-workers during the weekend are quite high, and it's happened. So being yourself outside work can be a risk in smaller communities.

While this sounds pretty cool, I think part of the reason many of us try to fit in isn't just for acceptance, but rather to minimize the damage of our "weirdness." We will come off as awkward regardless, yes, but what if our attempts to play up our awkwardness backfire and get us into more detrimental situations? It's hard enough dealing with NTs as is, to try a new approach might actually bring on more (negative) attention from them.

Tips and suggestions to go about doing what you say...

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Belatedly adding a post...
 

At the least doing this doesn't look threatening even to them, which means that they are unlikely to immediately hunt us down and shoot us.
Can you suggest any other behavior that helps them procrastinate attacking?
I can. It's called Sand-Bagging:
Pretend you are dumb, stupid, ignorant, incompetent and ugly, get fat to prove it.
Pretend you are unhappy, depressed, worthless loser.
Convincingly act like you are so pathetic and damaged that stabbing you in the head, would lift your spirits considerably.

Unfortunately you will also convince yourself. And that hurts too. =(

If "pretty is, as pretty does" then "stoopid is, as stoopid does" also, and one's life will be a waste...