One thing about Aspergers that sucks for me

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nessa238
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18 Sep 2012, 7:50 pm

Surfman wrote:
Charisma exists in the solar plexis, thats why aspies need to improve their gut function


Lol that's charismatically very funny :D



Surfman
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18 Sep 2012, 7:51 pm

I'm too gutless, no intestinal fortitude



Surfman
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18 Sep 2012, 7:52 pm

braveheart could be braveguts



nessa238
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18 Sep 2012, 7:52 pm

Surfman wrote:
I'm too gutless, no intestinal fortitude


:D



BanjoGirl
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18 Sep 2012, 8:09 pm

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Prof_Pretorius wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
BanjoGirl wrote:
Yeah, Clint Eastwood has it.

Alan Rickman has it too (what a voice :o )


I love him in 'Truly, Madly, Deeply'


Alan Rickman? I see him more as a very talented actor than charismatic.


It's evidently a subjective thing


Perhaps a male/female thing.


I think it's a subjective thing, but of course charismatic people seduces easily.

I think Alan Rickman has charisma because his presence on screen take control of the scene even when he is a secondary character. If he is the villain of the movie, then the hero can begin to cry. And he does this effortless.

But the champion is Vittorio Gassman. He was even too charismatic


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deltafunction
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18 Sep 2012, 8:32 pm

Social skills, communication and leadership can all be learned. There are many good sources out there about leadership, positivity, attitude and secrets to success. It doesn't come naturally, even to NTs. But they can be learned by going out of your comfort zone just a little bit at a time. Lots and lots of books on it, especially in business or the best seller lists.

Some tips are to have a positive attitude. Not unrealistically positive, but it is our natural state to be negative as humans, so it's best to have more positive thoughts than negative ones. It has been shown that positive people tend to be more successful than negative, or even neutral people.

I can relate to your goal. Before I knew that I had AS, when I was young, I would want to learn acting and hope that it would show me the secret to social success. Of course it didn't, but I kept looking and could never find any magical formula that would make people like me. But I'd still watch people and wonder what it would be like to be popular or influential.

But I can see that if you start with a huge goal in mind, of course learning the skills you need becomes overwhelming. So I'm taking it one step at a time. I know that having a social disability puts me at a disadvantage. But what I've realised is that how you approach adversity is more important than the hardships themselves. So don't give up. I didn't, and now I can see that having this barrier to overcome, and not giving up, has made me a stronger person. Let me know how your journey goes :) It's a challenge that I'm trying to overcome as well, and I'd love to hear how you see it too.



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18 Sep 2012, 8:56 pm

'Intent intent intent!'
Don Juan



18 Sep 2012, 11:07 pm

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
Multiplex wrote:
You cannot learn charisma. And learning social skills is useless for an Asperger.


In the polite way possible, I would like to say you are wrong on both counts. People DO learn charisma, do you think all politicians are born with it? And learning social skills is quite useful for ASpies and NTs.



SOME people are able to learn charisma, but if you are an aspie, and have a case of it that's moderate or greater, you're not going to be able to. Asperger syndrome is indeed a social disability in the truest sense of the world. And if you have a disability then you are going to have limitations that most people don't have; some of which cannot be overcome. If you are disabled you may not be able to do all of the things that people who aren't do.

There are a lot of things about ourselves that we simply have no control over, and that includes our strengths and weaknesses. Some things in life cannot be changed; so in order to get by you have to figure out a way to accept things. Perhaps the best way to do this is direct your effort and focus entirely on things that you CAN do something about as well as things that make use of your strengths. If you are an aspie, social skills are not your strength. So if you want to influence society you have to produce something that other people recognize and appreciate.



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19 Sep 2012, 1:09 am

engineering and science....



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19 Sep 2012, 2:05 am

I've settled for planting a seed in people's minds when I have an opportunity in conversation. I know they resent the new, especially coming from an outsider like me, but with time (and as things happen that make them regret not having given credit to my words) I'm sure many recall my ideas and spread them. I don't get any perks for it, except knowing I'm contributing to the world - as best I can.


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19 Sep 2012, 5:04 am

Jack and the beanstalk.... he climbed all the way to heaven



nessa238
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19 Sep 2012, 5:08 am

In terms of making up for lack of charisma etc I use the fact I'm opinionated to earn Amazon vouchers on product feedback forums - that's about as far as I've got so far in making being aspie lucrative lol

Apart from in the workplace I suppose where attention to detail and strong focus are an asset but these have to be balanced with the lack of social skills which mean I'm at a disadvantage.

I also think if you're interested in and good at learning how systems work you can spot errors more easily and hence avoid a lot of day to day problems or sort them out a lot quicker than other people.



Rudywalsh
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19 Sep 2012, 12:25 pm

It depends on how old you are. I never learnt to talk until after the age of five, even then my sentences came out backwards or I babbled. I was quite severe with autism growing up and somehow learnt to talk normal, unless I become stressed, then I sound like squeaky toy.
What I’m trying to say is, in time you might still be able to obtain the social skills you lack. Good luck and never give up.



countzarroff
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19 Sep 2012, 9:00 pm

I think the best thing to do is try to be funny and losen up. It took me a long time to learn how to do that. But I tend to find its best to make your mistakes and learn from them and then try a new first impression with a new group of people. It also helps to keep a handful of common interests in your pocket for small talk.