Were you Bullied? Tell stories

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Is this the bullying thread that led to the thread about AS overdiagnosis?

Some bullying thread was mentioned in that other thread.

I was not bullied, because I was socially aloof and totally ignored people, like not the slightest response.

I was by myself in grade school, always doing my own study plan on my own.

Later, I went to a good high school and took all advanced classes with nerds, so there was no bullying there.

Junior high was the most vulnerable period, and I think that a girl tried to be nasty to me, but failed to attract my attention.

I can relate to a certain extent.

I was teased a lot during my schooldays, but I've realized it later, because until the age of 11 I could neither realize I was being teased. So other kids grew easily bored.

When I started to realize that my classmates teased me, I just couldn't bring myself to care about it, because I don't care about what other people tell me, or about what they think about me.

In 8th grade, as I was told in a post before, my classmates told me that I had schizoid PD and had no emotions because I didn't care about all people in school teasing me.

Ahw well. Whatever.

Same was for my father.

Yeah, I was definitely bullied. And not just a little.

From the age of 9 to 13. It was really horrible. But luckily there was no physical contact involved...

This is the thread, yes.

I've found that physical violence makes it difficult to ignore bullies.

Also, I was passive rather than aloof and responded to social overtures. Many of these overtures were deceptive in nature, and intended to trick and/or harm me.

Words are not just words. Ask Marie Antoinette about the very organized bullying campaign that lost her her crown and then her head.

Gossip, slander, grew and grew, the way it is doing with Paula Deen. (That is a whole kettle of fish in itself, but, a lot of what's being said around her case is exaggeration or misattribution or gossip or hearsay and the basic facts are ignored; it's also judging without a jury since the trial is still underway.)

Words can definitely hurt!

Orthodox Jews believe that gossip literally can kill. For one thing, the person has no chance to make a good first impression; the gossip precedes them and the person's mind is already poisoned against them.

Someone being bullied is also being made into a social outcast including to anyone new coming into the situation or school. So that lessens their chance to make connections which could help them in later life. It can interfere with concentration at school or at work. It does damage self esteem and experts say those effects can be long lasting.

It is not as simple as "don't let it bother you" any more than everyone can be helped with "just ignore the pain" if they cut their skin or something. No sense judging others who can't simply switch off their feelings. Plus there is no getting around the very real damage bullying and gossip do to a person's social position and future chances, even if they manage to not be depressed about it in itself.

Without bullying maybe they would be elected president of different clubs or student council or do better on their SAT or whatever, which really can impact being accepted to good schools. That isn't only about how the person reacts but how the very bullying itself has made others continue to perceive them. People are often afraid to befriend or help them, or even say hi to them out of fear the bully will turn on them next.

Just my .02 and change.

My high school teacher told me, when I told him about the bullying: 'words are only words'

I doubt he would have still be saying that if you responded to that by saying to him "**** you" or various other insults. Why should he care if they are "just words"?

It's pretty easy to say it's "just words" when it's not directed at you.

As a teenager, I generally wasn't bullied too much because I was reasonably big and strong. However, when people realized that I was trying to fit in and incapable of punching someone in the face (in the back of my mind I thought I could kill someone), I was jumped and ostracized on a couple of occasions.

The main one that sticks out was 9th grade retreat. We spent three days in the cabin. I was in a room with six other guys. I was forced to sleep on the floor and was spat upon. People would take turns attacking me like a pack of hyenas would their prey. I was spit on and so forth in this period. One the 3rd day, I had enough. I took one of the boys in a headlock and grazed his head with my fist. Again, I could not punch him fully. I still needed to sleep on the floor, but it was enough for them to stop spitting on me while I was on the floor.

After that, I hung out with different people. Eventually this led to hanging out more with African Americans and burnouts - they seemed to get me back then.

Being nice to bullies doesn't stop them from bullying.

Lots of name calling,art destroyed or stolen,my new coat got scribbled on with a permanent marker,pinched,punched,tripped,hit with stuff,etc.Won't happen now,I'm a survivor of domestic violence.I'll knock anyone on their ass that lays a hand on me,even if I have to use a stick.I don't care what people say,that I can ignore,I've probably heard worse.

I very strongly agree.

Last edited by daydreamer84 on 30 Jun 2013, 1:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Does the story have to be about me or can I tell my friends story and how he was bullied?

I went through hell at secondary school.

I didn't get much at all in the way of physical bullying - I was just too big and I think that they sensed that I would have a go back. In fact I can remember a number of occasions when I stood up to tough guys with smaller friends literally hiding behind me.

What I got was ridicule. This was done by groups of no less than three who stood well outside my grabbing range.

I'll admit that I was awkward, perhaps a bit immature and didn't take enough care over my personal grooming. In my defense I will say that I was an only child who had had a sheltered upbringing and quite possibly had/has AS (I'm currently awaiting the appointment for my assessment).

I found that gossip about me spread so that people I'd never interacted with before came up to me and gave me grief. I found that the friends I had (those same friends who hid behind me in the presence of a physical bully) turned against me because I was unfashionable to be seen around.

I was told to ignore them and they will stop. They don't. They escalate.

I was told years later by a psychologist that I should have isolated one of the ringleaders, dragged him into the toilets and beaten the s**t out of him. Maybe I should have done but that wasn't the way my mind worked then or now. I would have been too afraid of getting into trouble (I know the authorities would have come down harder on me). I also know that the person I beat would have got back at me with a group later on.

In primary school (age 5-11) I was somewhat of a loner. I only made fast friends by the age of 8 or 9.

I was not happy being alone, and I would often be targetted by people for mockery or isolation. I remember having a bobble hat stolen and thrown around the playground when I was 7 or 8- I'm still grateful to the boy who got it back, he was also disabled so we had something in common, though we had different interests so we were never friends. In retrospect I probably missed a trick there.

Anyway, by the end of primary school I had a good group of friends. The core of the group were all going to different secondary schools though. However, "fortunately", a large proportion of another group which was closely associated with my group were going to the same secondary school. I did not know it at the time, but I was deliberately put in a class with this group to make the transition easier... If only

That group of people systematically disowned me. They accused me of "stalking" them when I tried to join in with their conversations and such. I was isolated and ridiculed. This escalated into me being physically hit on more than one occasion. Worse, this started to spread to other members of the class. One day my parents saw me getting ready for bed and asked where the bruises came from. I told them, but tried to dissuade them from telling the school. I think my parents let it go for a week, but when I reported no improvement, phone calls were made.

My story was verified because my parents didn't know the names of all the culprits. My Head of Year summoned in the ones responsible, but my parents had left one out, so all the others blamed him.

As I understand it, my Head of Year scared them by threatening to call the police. I did not have any more trouble from them as a group. Some of them have turned out to be dicks, some I am now friends with.

Anyway, since then I've not really had any issues with bullying. I get a lot of random abuse in the streets, but I've reached the stage where I can just brush it off.

Oh, I forgot- my football team were not very nice to me. I could neither handle their banter nor play well enough to convince them to stop. In retrospect I could have dealt with it better, except for a single incident where one of my team mates raked his studs down the back of my leg.

I didn't had to "switch off" anything. I just couldn't fell. Even if I tried to care about what other people think of me, I just couldn't, because I feel completely disconnected from them.
It's not that I decided "not to feel" or "to ignore them".
I have no control on my feelings, I can assure you.
I often feel angry, even without a reason, and when I am I often scream and kick and punch things. When I am sad I just can't stop being sad and thinking about nehative things and I can do nothing to make myself feel better. When I feel anxious I just can't calm down and I often end up having a panick attack. I have no control over my feelings.
It's just that things like being teased or being isolated or hearing people say "I will never seat next to her/I hate her" are not enough to make me feel anything.
I would never say that someone should "switch off" their feelings or ignore them since I am the last one that can do so, and I can neither judge people that get hurt because of someone else's words; who am I to judge people?
If people feel hurt from other people's words, it means that probably they are less dissociated and can "feel" more than I do.

I didn't had to "switch off" anything. I just couldn't fell. Even if I tried to care about what other people think of me, I just couldn't, because I feel completely disconnected from them.
It's not that I decided "not to feel" or "to ignore them".
I have no control on my feelings, I can assure you.
I often feel angry, even without a reason, and when I am I often scream and kick and punch things. When I am sad I just can't stop being sad and thinking about nehative things and I can do nothing to make myself feel better. When I feel anxious I just can't calm down and I often end up having a panick attack. I have no control over my feelings.
It's just that things like being teased or being isolated or hearing people say "I will never seat next to her/I hate her" are not enough to make me feel anything.
I would never say that someone should "switch off" their feelings or ignore them since I am the last one that can do so, and I can neither judge people that get hurt because of someone else's words; who am I to judge people?
If people feel hurt from other people's words, it just means that probably they are less dissociated and can "feel" more than I do.