Are you Asexual?

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That's the ONLY reason why I got on Facebook--to try to look up old friends.

I didn't really succeed too well--though I "met" a few people from my old high school (not in person, though).

I'm just afraid to contact people from my past, for some reason.

I had a "best friend" who knew there was "something was wrong with me." I went to a "special school" until sixth grade. I was actually diagnosed with autism at about age 3, with "brain-damage/injury" not much later.

He was two years younger. He didn't care what the other schmucks thought. Later on, though, he decided to hang out with the graffiti-writing crowd, while I decided that reading the encyclopedia was more my speed. The loss of my "best friend" really depressed me for a while.

Let me emphasize: I'm a straight man, I didn't know about homosexuality then, and I didn't have homosexual feelings--only feelings for girls. But I still missed the kid, because he was my "best friend."

Exactly! Was she gay or straight? Who cares!

There are societies where homosexual behavior is sanctioned during certain parts of life and then heterosexual behavior is sanctioned during other parts of life.

In today's culture "straight" people are gay pornstars. Are they gay because of what they do in movies? Or are they straight.

Homosexual behavior is common among "straight" people. I'm not saying every one has had a same-sex experience, but it is common enough that I know several people who have had such experiences, especially when young.

Labels are useful for communication but the concepts they point toward are not real.

Kraftie I have had some absolutely horrible experiences trying to connect with people from my past that I sincerely thought were my friends via FB. People who truly shaped who I am today and taught me so much about myself and helped direct the paths I would take not wanting anything to do with me has been awful and confusing for me. I spent my childhood being taken from shrink to shrink and being berated because there was 'something wrong with me' that nobody could ever diagnose. It is what it is, though. Can only move forward from here. (Sorry for veering so much OT.)

Yep....you must forward.

If you haven't seen somebody for years, I have found that most people lose the "connection" with you that you had during those past years. I don't believe it's a deliberate snub on their part.

Oh, but some were quite deliberate and hurtful. One I wrote to, for example. Hi, it's great to find you here, etc. She never responded so I figured she had gone through changes in life, or whatever, things that had nothing to do with me. Then she posted photos of me on FB during that time (literally over 22 years ago) and other 'friends' spent time berating me in the comments section of those photos. I had to write and demand she remove my photos. She said I had done something to her to make her angry, but continued to refuse to tell me what it was I had done, then suggested I had mental illness, then blamed me for things I had no clue about. She was an alpha female in one of my friend circles, and I imagine her chatter about me made others turn against me as well. It was all very upsetting and confusing.

I added another friend from that time (who was friends with her) and one of those 'post your first memory of me' memes came up and I reposted it. One person publicly posted their 'memory' of me was something illegal that I wouldn't participate in today, but had done when I was young and poor and had a lot of troubles. That this was all the remembered about me, and that they decided to post it on my profile 22+ years later (which could have caused me a lot of trouble if anyone else saw it as I had connections with a lot people in my life that I wouldn't feel remotely comfortable sharing that with) was very upsetting.

Another was a dude I lived with for 3.5 years. Story he is telling people is that he was with me for so long because he 'felt sorry for me', obviously because I have no loveable or redeeming qualities and like that makes him sound super psychologically healthy.

So yep, I avoid reconnecting now. Only have to be kicked in the gutter so long before you find a way to crawl out of it or die, basically.

All I could say is:

Find new people.

These people aren't worth your time. It seems like they don't have a life beyond Facebook.

Find people who don't act all Jerry Springerish!

I forgot how old your son is.

I have done. I live on the opposite side of the Earth to these folks so they are well and truly in my past. I also left FB after struggling with it too much. I miss it a little because I do have good friends who use it, but overall I found it awful. My son is 12.

Oh man! a rough age! Especially if he's Aspie or has Aspie "tendencies."

When I was 12, I had to transition to public school after being in "special schools" from nursery school through fifth grade (Year 5 to Aussies).

I used to throw these mean tantrums at times. I once threw a set of keys at the teacher! I started wearing glasses then, too. If you watched the Brady Bunch, I looked a bit like "Oliver," glasses and all.

12 was also the year when I "lost" my best friend. I started hanging out with this girl who was "advanced." She liked me in a funny way; I wasn't quite ready yet. I was mostly "asexual" then.

I did learn about Judaism, though. My mother's Jewish and my father's Catholic--but I knew nothing about Judaism before I met that girl.

Upon presenting my "diary" to my teacher, she signed it, then told me that I will "be lucky if I make it past Junior High."

My kid is totally cool. He is autistic, like me. We have absolutely no problems with each other and get along really well. He has been home educated most of his life, though, after the age of 5.5 when his school tried to blame both of us for his 'issues'. He was diagnosed at the age of 7, and not long after that I discovered I was probably the source of his autism.

I am lucky that we have a great relationship and are so close, but I think it has a lot to do with me not really being a 'parent type' and always being honest and treating him like a human being who deserves respect and consideration. He's also not been subjected to the institutional abuse that you were subjected to as a kid, and frankly that a lot of autistic children are subjected to (because we home ed).

Oliver was adorable.

It's great that you have a great relationship with your kid.

Imagine if I had a cool mother like you?

My mother was quite strict, and really wasn't into "alternative neurology" (even though she later became a psychoanalyst). She still has a strong belief in the "social graces"--style over substance.

It's quite possible that she "knocked the autism out of me."

I'm fortunate--in the sense that I know exactly what my sexuality is, and never doubted it, even amid certain events which could have caused confusion in that area.

You mother sounds like the woman who raised me. I am trying to do better than that. I think having grown up with such a disdain for authority figures due to being surrounded by abusive ones helped me develop into a 'positive and supportive' authority figure, at least that is what I am trying to be.

I think it's easier for women to be ambivalent about our sexuality than it is for men, unless we're seeking acceptance in the lesbian community. I think it's better for younger women coming into lesbian communities nowadays than it was when I was involved in that community, but there still does seem to be a real 'pick a side' vibe. It's protectionist, I suppose, because who wants to fall in love with someone who thinks they are straight/gay when it could well be they 'turn' and pick from the 'opposite team'. I don't like game playing, so I have tried to avoid the label. I think, for a lot of people, sexuality is fluid.

I must confess:

I would have a hard time going out with a woman who feels attracted to me one moment, then not attracted to me another moment, but attracted, instead, to another woman.

It would make committing to this person very difficult--for I'll never know WHEN she will be "into" me.

I guess that's the problem with labels and why I avoid them. I don't become attracted to genders, I become attracted to individual people and am fiercely loyal when I am with them. That society says I have to 'pick a side' when there is no 'side' that individual people are on has been exceptionally problematic for me. It's one of the main reasons I avoid relationships at all. I don't want to pick a 'side', I'd rather pick an 'individual'.

Do you ever feel that you want a permanent "life partner?" Whether man or woman?

Real quickly, I have another thing in response to this comment:

Would you feel that way with a straight woman because she could be attracted to you one moment and then to another man at another moment? Would you avoid going out with straight women because they might leave you for another man? If not, maybe there's a tiny bit of homophobia going on that you totally don't intend? (You don't strike me as someone who would be in the least bit homophobic.)



I don't know. I would like someone in my life, another adult, but also not so much. Maybe a permanent life pal would be better for me (and the other person) than a partner. I have too much explicative to sort through to put anybody else through that. I don't think I'm capable of romantic relationship.

There's no homophobia going on. I would feel the same with a straight woman who wants another guy.