Does Our Depression Come From Feeling Unloved / Shame ?

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I don't see any reason to disagree merely for the sake of disagreeing. I think it's ridiculous when people do that.

I also recommend you read St Thomas More's "Utopia"--especially the opening dialogue between the three main characters. This is what I seek to model my discoursal style on.

Ok. I will read that. Thanks. I have always wanted to have book recommendations by someone else.

The model in this diagram was formulated originally by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in her famous book "On Death and Dying". It refers to the passages that EK-R believes that a DYING person goes through once they know that their illness is terminal. It has been grossly misrepresented in the years since - as describing the grief cycle for everyone after a loss (it doesn't in every case, people are very individual in how they grieve; in fact EK-R didn't claim that at all, though I often read claims - even by psychologists - that she did) and now her model has been distorted into one of acceptance in the diagram you have reproduced here. I think that's a misrepresentation (not by you).

The model in this diagram was formulated originally by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in her famous book "On Death and Dying". It refers to the passages that EK-R believes that a DYING person goes through once they know that their illness is terminal. It has been grossly misrepresented in the years since - as describing the grief cycle for everyone after a loss (it doesn't in every case, people are very individual in how they grieve; in fact EK-R didn't claim that at all, though I often read claims - even by psychologists - that she did) and now her model has been distorted into one of acceptance in the diagram you have reproduced here. I think that's a misrepresentation (I don't mean by you, Sherry221B).

B19, I did not know about that. I just happened to find that diagram on google images long time ago. I also like diagrams, that is why I liked it initially. I was reading during that time about acceptance, and I found that.

I know that every individual does not grieve in the exact same way. Thank you for providing the information about it.

Don't worry, most people (99%) don't know, because it has been misrepresented so often by so many. EKR later wrote "On Life and Living", which tried to correct the misunderstanding. Unfortunately it was entrenched by then.

That's an interesting piece of information. I have spent years being told I should get to a place of acceptance, with a place of acceptance being seeing that it was all for the better and being happy about it.

Well, some of the s**t that has happened, I am NEVER going to be happy about. I am NEVER going to be happy about all the abuse that has occurred-- the best I can do it to tell myself that, as a ret*d person, I probably brought it on myself and should be grateful for the lesson and glad it was no worse. I am NEVER going to be happy about the way things went with my dad-- there is NO UNIVERSE in which that was all for the best, and trying to convince myself that it was makes me want to die. I am NEVER going to be happy about the way things went with my stepmom-- and the only universe in which it was all for the best is the one in which I am such a selfish, lazy b***h that I'm glad not to have to spend time, effort, and resources on her (not a universe I wish to inhabit, thanks-- besides which fact it would be worth the time, effort, and resources just to see the look on her face if I were to bring the baby to her and say, "I TOLD you that if I had another damn kid I was going to assume you witched it to happen and name the little bastard after you!! !").

I am sick to the death of being pressured to be happy about all the s**t that life throws at me.

I wish, profoundly, that I could have permission for it to hurt, to be hurt, and to show the fact that I am hurt. For, basically, however long it takes. Not permission to stop functioning, of course-- but it would be nice for it to be OK for me to sigh while I wash the dishes and cry over the stove.

I wish, profoundly, that I could try to right a wrong-- whether mine or someone else's-- without being told that I'm still in denial or "being autistic again."

I think that, frankly, just accepting everything that comes your way is called APATHY. I think it's called LETTING PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU. I think maybe that's why the crap about "acceptance" being applied to everything is now immovable cannon. Because people WANT you to let everyone walk all over you.

I hope you don't seriously believe that you're a "ret*d" person--and that you were using the term facetiously.

You have a great amount of flexible intelligence and insight.

I agree. And I think there's a very real agenda behind this. Maybe check out Mark Passio's condemnation of the "new age" movement if you are curious.

Absolutely: accepting "anything that comes your way" is called "apathy." It's also called "tragedy!"

I totally get what you're saying here.

People don't want to admit that there are things that can never be gotten over.

So I feel forced to pretend or face blame. Why can't people just get over it. Unhappiness is a part of life for some of us.

So do I. Denial of hurt just prolongs suffering and holds back any healing process in the future. Validation is often the first step to some healing, and that involves 1) validating to ourselves what really happened and 2) being validated by others that it really happened and that IT MATTERED.

B19, I put happy face before to make emphasis that it is a good thing; I learned something new. By the way, well said.

BuyerBeware, apathy is not acceptance. I do not know what caused you to get agitated or upset. To experience abuse is not something to be happy about, it is understandable. You did not brought it to yourself. It is not your fault what happened. You do not need someone´s permission to cry; you can do so, if you like. You do not have to be happy, if you do not want to. Calm down.

I cannot help but wonder if it was what I wrote what brought this wave of negativity....If I have made it this bad in this thread, I think that it is better that I leave it.

Sherry: your input did not affect this thread negatively in any way. I have no doubt in that.

BuyerBeware is a creative writer, and quite demonstrative in what she writes. It does not mean that she disagrees with anybody. She's just passionate, that's all

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 13 Mar 2015, 4:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, it seemed to me, that writing about acceptance...That it cause buyerbeware some sort of distress and remind him/her of the abuse experienced, which led to the rest.

No it's not you - people have different experiences and they bring different ideas and perceptions based on those experiences. Don't feel lessened when people don't agree with you here; it isn't usually as personal as it may seem. Your opinion is valid too, and all that matters is that it is expressed from a basis of goodwill (which you evidently have). Don't worry. You are not a threadkiller.