BeaArthur wrote:
LivinginParentheses, your post describing how you asked and how you responded when you got the answer reminded me greatly of conversation between my daughter and I. (Both Aspie.) She'll ask what to do about something, I'll give her my best advice, and she'll say "but......" I have already given her my polite attention and tried to provide a useful answer. If she doesn't like my answer, I'm done.
Not done with her forever ... just done answering or helping with that particular topic. I shouldn't have to defend the answer I give the way you defend a doctoral dissertation!
I guess the fundamental issue there is that she and I look at the conversation as a learning experience where we have a teacher's brain to pick - whoever it is that is giving us the answer, whether it's my friend or you. We don't expect teachers to get defensive when questioned, we expect them to revel in it because it's meant as a compliment - we believe you have the answers and can help us to understand.
No need to be defensive, be flattered! We think that you've got a great brain that "gets" what ours doesn't, that's all. So we figure the more we ask, the more you'll be all excited to get to explain. Like if someone asked me about my special interest, the more they asked me about it the happier I'd be. So when I ask someone a question about something THEY"RE really good at, I assume they'll feel the same... not defensive.
At least that's how it is for me. Maybe that perspective might help a little, I hope so anyway.

Yes but - the thing I was asked advice on is NOT my special interest. It's exhausted to always be hounded for more, more, more.