"You can't be autistic, you can speak/write/have a job"

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^^^^^Oooooooooo..."Act your age." I hated that with a passion. Especially when I got to be an adult.

I wrote this somewhere else. But people seem to forget there are a lot of different forms of intelligence. Emotional. Intellectual. Creative. And not everyone can be the same when it comes to that department. Being autistic doesn't change the kinds of intelligence I do and don't have.

I am a creative intellectual. But I fail at other forms of intelligence. And that does hinder me in life.

I think I get what you mean. While I've got a lot of problems that are typical of folks with HFA, a psychologist told me that I "have autistic traits" but don't qualify for diagnosis. That should mean everyone who actually is diagnosed is lower-functioning than me, right? So when I see someone with diagnosed ASD doing a variety of things I fail at, I do think, "HOW???? Are you some kind of GENIUS SAVANT??!"

But so much about functioning is situational. I almost got married, and my ex-fiance was annoyed by some of my autism-like traits, but I don't think he would have dumped me if it weren't for a largely unrelated depressive episode. Hypothetically, I think we would have managed okay until after having a child, and I'd be inadequate at taking care of the child, but my mom and would-be husband would pick up the slack. Everyone would be unhappy, but people on the outside would think, "Moved out of parents' house? Marriage? Kid? You're doing great!!" At that point, what would even make someone realize you have these problems, as long as the kid was protected? Attacking people? Attempting suicide? They'd just figure it was normal depression or something.

As it is, I tried living by myself for the first time after me and my ex-fiance broke up, and that's when I realized the depth of my problems. I don't want to get married, but I still want to have kids, but there's no way I could do so responsibly.

I can relate to this as well, unfortunately. It's really unfair because I know when people are in my life I spend a lot of time thinking about them and their feelings and needs, but because I don't demonstrate that in the right ways in their eyes I might as well not ever think about their feelings at all and they just end up resenting me for things I don't even understand. It's depressing.

I'm surprised people on here can be parents without needing any support from anyone and some have even managed to be single parents. I wonder how they do that. There is no way I would have been a good single parent.

why? It is not only that they would have bigger problems with explaining their past treatments, but also a lot of self-denial: Many of them are on the spectrum themselves, and admitting it would imply giving up some illusions that they have nourrished about themselves and raise some unpleasant questions about their qualification and and that of the whole field.

I was told by a GP today that I probably don't have Aspergers because "it's something that males have, and they're usually overweight and you can tell they have it just by looking at their face"........

To me what this boils down to, is if someone is operating in a way that appears more NT than autistic. Has a lifestyle and achievements that appear more NT than autistic. Were never tested for a developmental, neurological, psychological disorder as a child. Even if they were a child in the 60's/70's.....Certain people, whether clinical professionals, the general public or those in the autism community....Are going to be less likely to think that person seems autistic.
That's simply the hard cold reality of the situation.

Add to that people who trivialize autism as not a disability. Something they wouldn't want cured. Is an asset to them and gives them special powers etc.

And sorry, need to vent a little. Also some people who go on and on about how they are just fine, and it's only because of the NT's that they have any problems.

Last edited by EzraS on 28 Jan 2016, 3:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think that autistic people can get married and have children.
I have met some in person, and they appear definitely more autistic than NT.
Having achievements is not a counterindicator against autism either.
Some autistic people are smart and motivated, and they have high achievements in their field.
I am not sure what lifestyle has to do with autism.
It seems that an autistic person can have any sort of lifestyle.

But as you said, they appeared more autistic than NT. But sometimes that's not the case. What I am talking about is when it is the other way around. Not that people with autismjcan't get married, or have a career, or children or be successful....but when the overall package appears to be a lot more NT than autistic....some people in some cases sometimes are going to think or say, "How can you be autistic?".

Thank you! I've been wanting to say this for a while and never found the words to say it!

In my opinion, the resentment against high-functioning people is much stronger in the society than against the more obviously autistic ones. That (plus the lack of cognitive empathy to keep "threats" in check), is the reason why they generally suffer more from anxiety problems. (How about your anxiety level, EzraS?) Then there are more mental illnesses in general, and a bigger burnout risk, because the awareness to be different is lower and the pressure to fit in much higher. So all in all many high-functioning autists are not better off than some lower-functioning ones.

Prof. Michael Fitzgerald: Persons with Autism have the right to have their mental health and care needs provided by people who are educated to understand the special mind-set of persons with Autism. (...) Treatments have to be given from an Autism specific perspective. "The hard cold reality" should change also for this reason.

The reason why many professionals refuse to issue a diagnosis for high-functioning Aspergers and why they were and are having such a hard time at getting things right, is very simple: they are themselves on the spectrum and had to mask their problems to others and to themselves in order to be able to get into and hold the positions they have.

Not sure of what you're trying to say, but I can say this, I really don't think you would have been diagnosed with Autism in the 60s or 70s because you're communicative and can function at a much higher level than thought of at that time.

There may be other things you could have been diagnosed with though.

And, I could be wrong.

My anxiety level? I have been on benzos and SSRI most of my life.

I think maybe the fact that I have written "some" and "sometimes" numerous times is being overlooked.

I am not talking about the HFA / Aspergers community as a whole.

I have been in school with level 1 HFA / Aspergers kids since I was 6, in schools that range from age 6 to 18. I'm pretty sure I have been surrounded by more Aspies in real life than most people here.

To zkydz, My autism when first diagnosed at age 2 was severe enough and classic enough, it would have been diagnosed as such in the 60's/70's. The difference is I probably would have been written off as hopeless and not given the high level of occupational therapy I have received. These days in real life I am still extremely withdrawn and primarily nonverbal and registered as significant special needs.

However....if I was higher functioning, I probably would have been diagnosed with something. I read some stuff by s guy who was officially diagnosed when in his 40's. But as a child in the early 70's was given all kinds of testing, including EEG and brain imaging. Then he was put into segregated classrooms for kids with behavior problems and learning disabilities. While he was not diagnosed as autistic then, he obviously had noticeable problems that was at least viewed as neurological considering the type of testing. I believe kraftykortie has a similar background.

Last edited by EzraS on 28 Jan 2016, 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was actually diagnosed as autistic when I was about 3. I was dragged from doctor to doctor to get neurological testing. I thought I had brain surgery, in fact, because of the EEG tests. I didn't speak till age 5 1/2. Frankly, some sort of "miracle" happened around age 5 1/2 which caused my symptoms to revert from classical autism, to an Asperger's-like presentation. I have no idea, nor does anyone else, why this happened.

I was almost institutionalized. If not for my mother, who "saw something" in me, I might have been institutionalized. I was referred to as a "vegetable" by at least one doctor.

A little while after I was diagnosed with autism, I was also diagnosed with Brain Damage/Injury. Eventually, it was determined that I was the latter, that I was misdiagnosed with the Kanner autism. I was in separate special classes from nursery through fifth grade, mainstream school from sixth through eighth grade, then a school for gifted underachievers in high school.

Let me emphasize: I am not discounting, whatsoever, the autistic status of those with HFA and Asperger's. Both would have, probably in the 1960s-1970s, been diagnosed with Brain-Damage/Injury, or with Minimal Brain Dysfunction, or with "perceptual problems," etc. Autism is a Spectrum, with a wide range of functioning levels. People diagnosed with autism in 2015 are autistic in 2015, even though they might not have been autistic in 1970.