ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,163
Location: Long Island, New York
07 Feb 2021, 1:16 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
magz wrote:
Masking is hiding something - true - but it's more often than not hiding vulnerabilities. It's particularily important when you grow up in some environment full of bullying - and this is, unfortunately, quite the norm.
I can show my vulnerabilities only when I feel strong enough to effectively defend myself anyway. That's a rare comfort.
I can show my vulnerabilities only when I feel strong enough to effectively defend myself anyway. That's a rare comfort.
... ... ...
It just occured to me--after reading you--that NTs, we instinctively and naturally hide our vulnerabilities most of the time...And only in very intimate relationships, like with our immediate family and closest friends, do we disclose our vulnerabilities...There is this implied consensus among NTs that if and when a loved one reveals to others that which we did not authorize them to reveal, it is considered a lack of loyalty and therefore a betrayal...So, NTs, in a way, we have a 'mask' on most of the time, but we don't call it "masking"...Obviously, this is done at a subconscious level, and therefore it is not intended to mislead nor deceive...We don't even have a word for this (a psychologist may have a word for this)...???
NT’s do mask. When an employee “acts professional” that person is doing that. A person might naturally like very casual clothing and to use coarse language but will hide that part of themselves at work. People will “put their best foot forward” when starting a new relationship with person they are really into. The difference is that with autistics we have to try harder to hide more parts of ourselves then NT’s and this often has to be done 24/7. At an early age many of us learn being ourselves means being bullied and excluded and that continues into adulthood where we are shut out from or can not keep jobs and relationships. Constantly masking takes a tremendous psychological toll, leading to depression, suicide, anxiety, depersonalization where we can not tell who we are what part is us learned new skills, what parts of us is not only faking others but ourselves. Certain autistic people can keep the fakery up for years or decades before it becomes too much and we have “autistic burnout” or meltdown in a very public and embarrassing way.
The thing is most every NT not only masks but has one or several autistic traits. We just have most of them more intensely. Many NT’s think we all have problems, I have your issues and manage them and but you won’t because you are an attention seeker, a drama queen, a lazy or just a weak person. Our neurology is often described as massively over diagnosed or even a fake disease made up to profit big pharma or excuse bad behavior.
So that is why this topic is such a sensitive subject in this community.
... ... ...
Thank you for your insight...And i am sorry that i addressed such a sensitive topic without the sensitivity that it demands...Not because i am ill-intended but because of my ignorance of ASD...PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCERE APOLOGY...I now know better...
In recent times, i have been telling my beloved (Aspie) husband that i want to be his "place of rest"...His place of rest as in after a hard day of work...Where he can just take-off his shoes and relax...This is the kind of atmosphere i try to create for him at home...And i realize that due to his autistic traits, i must also respect his personal space (and i do); so that he can 're-charge', especially because he has been working non-stop (there are not enough workers due to the pandemic)...
And most importantly, it requires that i create a safe space where he can remove his mask, literally and figuratively...Thankfully, he works with animals at a farm and also in agriculture, so his interactions with co-workers are limited...Thankfully, when he comes home to me, he can still be gentle to me, and even affectionate of his own initiative...But when he is not, because he is feeling overwhelmed, i try to be understanding and patient...
In fact, I am glad to share with you that for our 2nd wedding anniversary which just passed at the end of last month, he bought me a cake to celebrate of his own initiative...There is more to this but out of respect to him, i will not disclose...Suffice to say, I know i am blessed to have him...And no expert on autism has had to tell me this...I know it in my heart with all certainty...
Apology accepted. Autistic people like any small minority group will often be overlooked and misunderstood. More often then not no malice was intended the person belonging to the majority group just had no reason not to assume. Also it is a natural human tendency to fear or not want to deal with difference. While I am not a fan of the way the term is used that is what is often meant by the term privilege(white privilege, neurotypical privilege) these days.
07 Feb 2021, 3:35 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Don't Aspies use mimicry as a form of masking?
... ... ...
From what i gather here, each Aspie's experience is unique...Understandably so, they each call it differently: camouflaging, suppression, adaptation, and the like; all of which--i have to agree--are better terms than mimicry...Mimicry is possibly done in some cases but the word appears to be offensive to some here...(It was coined by an NT expert on autism who i referenced to here on this thread)...For the most part, the consensus here on this thread has been that "mimicry" is not accurate and "masking" is a more appropriate term...My conclusion is that only those of you on the spectrum are qualified to call it whatever you wish; simply because it is your experience, and your experience only...
Agreed
07 Feb 2021, 7:53 pm
08 Feb 2021, 5:29 am
Clueless2017 wrote:
It has never been my intention to take you to a place of guilt or shame that, in turn, leads you to depression and anxiety...I AM SO-O-O SORRY...If i could take your pain away, i would...I HOPE YOU CAN ALL FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS TO FORGIVE ME... What do i do now???...Do i delete thread???...
What do i do now???...Do i delete thread???...No, it's fine, you've done nothing wrong.
I may have been over-sensitive there. Maintaining relationships is one of my key difficulties, plus I'm fairly recently divorced. So it might just be me.
08 Feb 2021, 5:47 am
08 Feb 2021, 5:54 am
MrsPeel wrote:
Whenever I read your posts it makes me feel there is hope for NT-AS understanding.
NTs don't hang around WP long do they...but hey I'm still here
08 Feb 2021, 6:09 am
Yeah, that's true...
now I'm wondering if you're masking/mimicking AS post-writing style to fit in
08 Feb 2021, 11:31 pm
MrsPeel wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
It has never been my intention to take you to a place of guilt or shame that, in turn, leads you to depression and anxiety...I AM SO-O-O SORRY...If i could take your pain away, i would...I HOPE YOU CAN ALL FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS TO FORGIVE ME... What do i do now???...Do i delete thread???...
What do i do now???...Do i delete thread???...No, it's fine, you've done nothing wrong.
I may have been over-sensitive there. Maintaining relationships is one of my key difficulties, plus I'm fairly recently divorced. So it might just be me.
... ... ...
Thank you for your patience with me...And i am sorry for your divorce...I have never gone through nothing as such...Divorce rates have sky-rocketed throughout this pandemic...This is your time to heal and find inner peace...May God grant you serenity in this new phase of your life...God bless you...[PRAYERS your way]...
08 Feb 2021, 11:35 pm
MrsPeel wrote:
Please don't be put off from posting here, Clueless2017.
Your threads fascinate me because you seem very different from everyone here, you're like a hyperempathic super-NT - which might be quite scary if not for your huge overflowing heart.
Whenever I read your posts it makes me feel there is hope for NT-AS understanding.
Your threads fascinate me because you seem very different from everyone here, you're like a hyperempathic super-NT - which might be quite scary if not for your huge overflowing heart.
Whenever I read your posts it makes me feel there is hope for NT-AS understanding.
... ... ...
Thank you so-o-o much for your kind words...Yes, there is HOPE for NT-AS mutual understanding!! !
...As to my hearts, i use three for emphasis...How i wish i could choose a different color like yellow, which is the symbol for FRIENDSHIP...But for now, i must settle for the red hearts made available to me here in WP...
08 Feb 2021, 11:36 pm
cyberdad wrote:
MrsPeel wrote:
Whenever I read your posts it makes me feel there is hope for NT-AS understanding.
NTs don't hang around WP long do they...but hey I'm still here
... ... ...
Many years from now, i hope to still be here among you all...
09 Feb 2021, 12:10 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
MrsPeel wrote:
Whenever I read your posts it makes me feel there is hope for NT-AS understanding.
NTs don't hang around WP long do they...but hey I'm still here
... ... ...
Many years from now, i hope to still be here among you all...
I hope so too ,, your very kind ! ......
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
10 Feb 2021, 2:53 am
Half of this thread is apologetic behavior
Ok. Im alive
Anyway, I also dislike when autistic people I like say they lack empathy. If i wouldn't know better saying that would really not do them much justice in making an impression.
Especially when i slightly forget what it's about, catches my paranoia off guard a bit.
Perhaps like the word 'weird' or 'masking'
It's sorta 'weird' for it to be used in both NPD and autistic spectrum as an exact same word, but with different meanings.
_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner.
x Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.
10 Feb 2021, 3:41 am
MrsPeel wrote:
Yeah, that's true...
now I'm wondering if you're masking/mimicking AS post-writing style to fit in
now I'm wondering if you're masking/mimicking AS post-writing style to fit in
You can tell right I'm doing it
10 Feb 2021, 7:39 am
Very Cute ....... 
