Joe90 wrote:
I reckon I must be deformed in some way. Great. I have AS AND a disfigured body. I must look DOUBLE WEIRD. I'd rather be big and fat than be lanky and crooked-built. IS THERE ANYTHING WORSE THAN BEING DEFORMED??????
I cry nearly every day because of this. Can my f***ing life get any worse? Why don't they just stick me in a zoo and put up a notice saying, ''the thing with the deformed bones''.
Yes, actually, there are plenty of things worse than being deformed. Practically anything bad is worse than being deformed. I also have various "deformities" (of the neck, jaw, skull, joints in general, etc.), some visible and some barely so, so I'm not just pulling things out of my rectum here. Most people I know with deformities are fairly happy people. Not chirpy, but content at least. Including people born with missing or partially missing limbs or fingers.
Yes, there are people who will treat you worse if they see something different about you. But that's called ableism and it's not a reflection on you. It really sounds as if you've internalized these ideas and are turning them against yourself. It sounds like you might need to get rid of the bully that has taken up residence in your own head. Deformities are not in and of themselves a reason to cry every day.
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"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams