Aspies: Would you/do you have children?
Never really liked kids to be honest. Even before I knew I had AS I knew i was different. My only GF said i had no sense of family and she was right. I don't see my family members as part of my life. I don't feel any connection to them. I know I'd feel the same way if i had kids. Plus i feel they would suck all my money away when I raised them.
I couple of years ago I got fixed to make sure i would never have kids. I also don't want to see anyone/ date anyone that is raising a child. They say they are not looking for another dad for the kid but they really are becuse you end up spending money on the kid and taking care of the kid even though he is not your responsiblity. Grown childeren out of the house are ok.
I've never hated all of 'myself'. My definition of weakness embraces a large minority of all people. They don't all delude or hate themselves; many of them just get on with their lives with a sense of perspective that isn't often thrust on alpha types.
I used the word 'weak' in its evolutionary sense alone: Any individual who adapts to its environment less well than is average - within its gene pool and during its lifetime - can be classed as weak. As I said, people like yourself and Bill Gates, whom your average redneck/jock (as they say in the states) may see as inferior but who become successful through random obsessions with science or technology, cannot be considered weak by my definition. Your not being asexual certainly makes sense in that light, although I'm probably wrong about the asexuality thing
By the way, I also have high 'verbal, mathematical, logical, and scientific intelligence', but since using it makes me feel sick, I may as well not have had any. There's a case to be made, though, for aspies forcing themselves (if necessary), and certainly being encouraged, to enjoy science and technology - Not being diagnosed until I was 20, I didn't even realise that such interests would have been any use to me in later life.
I don't mean to upset any1 - The perspective that every1 should ideally have the privilege of existing without autism is where I'm coming from, but as many have suggested, the world needs science and technology to the point where NTs alone can't provide enough.
I have two sons (ages 7 and 12). However, I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until a month ago. But that would not have changed my mind. I would still have wanted to have children. I find them a wonderful gift. One of my sons has been identified as possibly having Asperger's too. The other son seems to have some ADHD issues. But they are wonderful and do well in school. They are both in the regular classroom environment even though they spend some part of their day in special classes to fit their needs.
I have no regrets having children. I would do it again even knowing I had Asperger's.
MyWorld
Deinonychus
Joined: 12 Nov 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 320
Location: I'm in ur kitchenz, eatin ur foodz
I would. Not sure if I have kids, but the ASD isn't what I consider when I might consider to have a child one day. I keep it in mind - it would be ignorant not to be prepared - but it isn't a fact that influences my decision.
Whether I could raise a child successfully? Yes, I think I could. And as long as I can take care of myself, I can take care of another too. I'm also really good with kids, so this wouldn't be a problem at all.
It wouldn't matter if it were a special needs child either, least an autistic one. Seeing how I am not 'normal' myself and have autism/lacking TOM, I do not find it easier to care for a regular kid as opposed to caring for a special needs kid. In my job, for me it is not easier to teach a regular child in class, take care of it after school. It's just as complicated or as easy as taking care of a special needs kid.
I know this is what my friends consider. That a normal child will be much easier to take care of. They're typical so they know typical-ness. I do not, so I can't really side with them on this issue.
Though I have to admit: yes, it is definitely easier to deal with a regular kid when it comes to the issue of time and how our society limits our children's time in schools and beyond.
It's not that harder to make sure your special needs LD/MR/behaviours disorder/mood disorder/whatever kid is learning to their best capabilities. It's hard to make sure they are set in 5 minutes as all the regular students are, do everything in the same time as the others, start when they're supposed to start, stop when they're supposed to stop...
That's kinda... impossible. I think that. Special needs kids live in a different time dimension and our society isn't fit to adjust to that: yet or ever?
This is something to consider, I think, especially when there's a higher chance for your child to be different in any way you can think of:
Am I fit or will be in time to take on that challenge against kindergarten, school, governments, insurances, other parents, children and other people?
Do I possess or will be able to develop nerves of steal?
Will I withstand that emotional drama and pressure that comes from society?
Will I do what I am truly struggling with and do it even when under pressure for my child?
Will I be able to fight for my child's path and be able to take the many sure to be lost battles and the ignorance without being thrown into a crisis?
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Autism + ADHD
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett
I'm 24 and have started to think about the eventual possibility of having a child at some point in the future. The idea both makes me happy and scares me. I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope, especially if my child was autistic too. But I know there are autistic parents who have had and succesfully raised kids, even when the children had disabilities too.
So I'm asking what any of you with an ASD feel about having children, and/or how you are coping if you do have kids.
Been there done that. Four Children, five grandchildren. My oldest son might be an Aspie and another son is bipolar (it runs in the family on my mother's side). One of my grandchildren was diagnosed with NLD and is probably an Aspie. He who hath children, hath given hostages unto fortune, be it good or ill.
ruveyn
I am open to the idea, given that I am ever in a situation in which I am settled down and stable enough to raise a child. Also, I would actually have to have met someone whom I would want to/feel comfortable raising a child with.
I don't mind the prospects of having an AS child, as I feel that I would be able to relate to it in ways that I would not be able to relate to a NT child.
I thought about having children then I remember how tough it was for me in school and after school. Maybe I'm different, but my AS effects me in all area of my life. It's hard enough to ask someone for date just like it would be to raise a child with AS or worse. You'll be responsible for the child all of your life.
Not only would they face the onslaught from AS, but if they inherit my LD (learning disabilities) as well. I don't know if they can be successful or not being different.
It's idealistic to have a children, but it's an another thing to provide for their need while you are struggling yourself with socialization.
I'm really wondering if you people AS is as bad you claim. Or maybe some of you don't have it at all. I read other threads stating you guys have had sex and ect.
I don't think so. I've been abstinent and probably will be for a long time; getting a girlfriend will be hard enough so I might live a life of celibacy if I can't get into any relationships. If I do ever get into a successful relationship with a women for the long term, I'd maybe think about having children once I mature, have a stable job and am in my mid 30's. Some people think that's too old to have children but I think it's better bringing children into the world when you are more mature and successful. Nothing disgusts me more than seeing 15 year olds pushing carriages with babies in them.
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