blaine209 wrote:
Well, I don't feel that way at all. I'm not proud of having Asperger's because I HATE hving Asperger's in every sense of the word. Asperger's hinders EVERY aspect of my life and in many ways just gets worse the older I get. I am not at all ashamed of having Asperger's because I did not ask for it. What sane person would ask for Asperger's? I also have a stuttering problem which I don't like, I'm not proud of it, but I am not the least bit ashamed of it because I didn't ask for it at all. Even though I do not understand why almost everyone is content in our unfair, and chaotic world, I think I would it make life much easier t be able to focus and concentrate during a 1-hour class period, have the same interests as everyone else my age, and have average coordination. I can't speak for everyone who has Asperger's but I for one, have a difficult time just sitting to watch a 1/2 hour show. Focus is almost impossible for me. I once read a horse has an average attention span of 6 seconds. (Who know's maybe I have some horse genes!) Talking is almost impossible for me, it's a struggle for me to even say my own name which 99% of people take for granted. Whenver I am forced to give a speech in class, it takes me 20 minutes to say what it takes most people 5-10 minutes. And it sure would be a lot less lonely to have at least 1 friend and not get stared at for being all alone at break and lunch. Also what I don't understand is that my IQ has been tested to be 122, yet learning is almost impossible for me.I am just glad I was able to learn to read and write, even that was difficult for me. But yeah, other people can sit through a class and learn at least half of what the teacher is saying. Usually I comprehend nothing or sometimes just one detail. I don't know, maybe I have been misdiagnosed with Asperger's maybe there's some unknown glitch in my brain that causes my stuttering, lack of interest in life, inability to concentrate, inability to learn, inability to pick up social cues, and inability to play sports.
You sound like a more severe case of me, but I'm all with you on the concentration thing. I find it frustrating to watch movies because it's hard for me to understand the plot. The only time I'm able to fully concentrate on a movie and understand at least enough of it for it to make sense is when I'm alone. I usually can't concentrate on my homework for more than 10 minutes at once (without drifting into my mind somewhere), mostly when there's too much information to absorb. I am uber slow at processing... a 30 minute homework assignment takes me about 1.5 hours on average. I find it difficult to talk to my classmates, and if I do talk to them, I can't respond to what they're saying because I either need more time to process, or I haven't heard them at all because of the noise. I don't stay at school during lunch, and luckily, there aren't any breaks. If the firedrill goes off and everyone's let out, I sit alone. But I really don't care anymore, as I do realize that being alone is the best option for me. Talking to people is stressful, and no, I can't just come up to any random person and start babbling on about my interest because I find that everyone is already in their own circle of people somehow once we go outside. When the teacher is talking, I tune out and in periodically. When I tune in, I usually catch a detail and try to put it together in my head with the other pieces of information I've heard. I sometimes ask questions, too. Even though I don't feel the need to talk most of the time, I always enjoy asking questions. I like reading out loud, too, whenever I get the chance.
But back to the question of this thread. Am I proud of having Asperger's? No, but I've come to accept it as a part of myself. I've always been able to withdraw myself very well from the surroundings and into my own mind, to the extent that I become unaware of everything that goes on around me. As a result, I find it easy to not submit to peer pressure. The ability to be genuine, honest, and uninhibited by the social rules of the majority is something that I'm proud of. Sometimes, though, I do get really angry at myself for being clumsy, forgetful, and obsessive. These are the times when I fully hate the Asperger's part of me.
Speaking of ADD, I actually thought that I have it before I knew about AS. However, people have told me that I don't have ADD. So I guess I don't have it, after all.
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Leading a double life and loving it (but exhausted).
Likely ADHD instead of what I've been diagnosed with before.
01 Apr 2010, 12:02 pm
