My Aspie son has threatened to kill me.

Post Reply New Topic

don't apologize, I thought your "editorial" was quite good.

Here is the context. The her son is smashing holes in the wall. He's threatening his little sister. He's threatened to kill his mother. She is afraid. That's all the context you need to see this kid is out of control.

Why he is acting the way he is and the his mothers response to his behavior are entirely different matters, He may well be being bullied, and if that's the case, of course his mother should do everything she can to protect and help him. And I believe she will. But let's not wade too deep into the psyco babble to make excuses for him. He's out of line. His behavior is unacceptable. No matter what is happening to him at school he has no right to come home & make his other family members feel uncomfortable & unsafe.

JMO.

That's if the kid is even doing what the mother claims he is. I agree with Cosmiccat. Something isn't making sense here. I didn't even notice at first, and as I've said earlier, my mother used to go around saying that I did all sorts of horrible things that I never did just to garner sympathy, and attention. I came form a very dysfunctional family. We tend to take people at their word when they say things like the OP said, but let's not forget that people can, and do make things up, or over-exaggerate.

I think that regardless of whether or not the situation for the OP is genuine, most of us can agree that it's not okay for a child to terrorize everyone in their household, and that it's not okay for a mother to not protect her child from people that are terrorizing him.

Bhetti, I hope that things get sorted out for your son, and that he stays safe. I'm sorry that things seem so rough for you lately. You seem like a genuinely nice person that really deserves a break.

From the mothers first thread about a week ago;

"My 13-year old son, who is quite big, got very angry tonight after I told him he needed to get off the computer. He has his first day back at school and needs sleep. He said "not yet", called me a b***h, and then I retorted (calmly) that I would get some software that shuts down the compute automatically at a certain time if he could not get off at the time I indicated. Thats when he walked out of his room and into the hall and pounded a big hole in the drywall.

Is this Aspergers? I am AS and am not violent."

It does not sound like a case of exaggeration to me. He either pounded a hole in the wall or he didn't. Either you believe her or you do not. An AS teenage boy having a violent meltdown is not much of a stretch. In the original thread many, many AS posters chimed in and said "Yes, I had a problem controlling my temper and did similar things when I was younger".

My sympathies are with both the mom & the kid. Hopefully they can work things out. why in the world would anyone come here & make such a thing up?

hey, thanks for that. it'll take months for things to sort out with the family evaluation, then court, but knowing this latest bit of information about his situation kind of freaks me out. when my son was the violent one before I got him some help, it was really scary. now he's seeing it from the other side and he doesn't want to be that person. he mentioned "anger management" and the main difference between me and his step-mother is that I got him help and expect him to be responsible for his behavior, whereas the step-brother is treated like a baby and no one holds him responsible. so, the lesson I hoped he would learn, he has learned. now I just want him back home no matter how hard it is to run a tiny house with 4 special needs people in it

Ok, I'm a little late to the party, but reading this thread through I can say the following things:

Ichi: This mother is genuinely concerned for her child. She doesn't know what to do, which is why she came to us.
Nin: This child is acting in a way that is not acceptable, AS or otherwise, and needs to get some therapy. I don't think he needs to be institutionalized, but an intervention wouldnt hurt.
San: Quite a few of you are NOT helping by propagating all this bickering.
Shin: This thread should be closed until everyone has a chance to cool down, and several of you (Zedo especially) need to rethink your behavior before you get banned. And for the record, it IS possible to be banned from Wrongplanet, just like any other online forum. It happened to me, even, but I was allowed back after an apology and swearing off antagonistic behavior. So don't think just because we pride ourselves on being an accepting online community that we won't kick out antagonists. In fact, I would think that we come down especially hard on trolls and flamers due to that fact.

Roxas

I agree, this thread should be locked. The OP hasn't been back in here or even posted a response giving us an update.

After the horrifying, vicious rant that zeno spewed at her can you blame her? Can you imagine someone saying what he said to you? It was horrible and uncalled for, really. Go back & read zeno's orginal response to her. He was basically telling her she was an awful parent, a child abuser and a liar. How would that make you feel?

Maybe it should be locked but not because the mother has stepped away from the thread.

having been at the receiving end of such rants, including being called a narcissist and being told my son would end up in prison and it would be my fault, I can very much relate to what it can do. I went into a depression and isolated for weeks. it does really hurt to be called a child abuser when you're actually fighting hard to figure out what you should really do, and people who should be able to help you, like family members and your kids' school, are basically full of useless and harmful advice as well as accusations that make you fee like a screw up. you end up with nowhere to turn. been there!

I saw that but my point was she has not replied ever since she made her OP. She only posted once in this thread. I would have stood up for myself if that happened to me so I can never understand how can people not defend themselves if they got slandered. I would assume they didn't care but if she did care, why would she not stick up for herself? I don't think she has clicked this thread ever since or maybe she had nothing to say to the suggestions and then never viewed this thread again so therefore she would not have seen Zeno's reply? That would make perfect sense why she didn't stick up for herself. She never saw the slander.

That reminds me of Dangerous Child where the mother was being accused of child abuse because the son had stitches and stuff and the mother refused to tell everyone what really happened. Then she decides to seek help and confronts her ex husband about it but instead he throws the "You're an adult crap" at her and I'm screeching in my head at him "Dude, he is the size of an adult, he is bigger than her."

Of course the son had to confess he was the one who was abusing his mother and he pushed his little brother because he didn't want her to go to jail for child abuse. So the mom was let go and the son was arrested and he was placed in some care where he got counseling. Another thing that was frustrating in the movie was, there was no information on minors abusing their parents and no support for the parents who are victims of their child's abuse.

This is probably not relevant, but is related to the context issue. In the UK at least, if someone does something to wind someone up jokingly (called 'ribbing'), the other person may reply "I'm going to kill you" also in jest. If someone doesn't understand context and inflection they might think it is normal to make these sort of threats. Also 'ribbing' is difficult to understand and not take offence if you don't share that social understanding.

Right.. but from what has been said so far, there's still no statement of intent at all. I don't know if there's already been any help sought (there must have been something for an AS diagnosis, but a diagnosis doesn't mean counseling,) but usually in counseling and such, there's encouragement to state what one feels. All that "it's not the feeling, it's what you do with it," yadda yadda yadda.. From what the OP said, the kid never said he was going to.. he said he WANTED to.. he made a statement of feeling. It could have been meant in similar way, but the fact remains that according to the original post, there was no threat. "I want to kill you" is not the same as "I'm going to kill your" or "I'm planning to kill you."
I WANT to kill anybody who purposely abuses animals... Does that make me dangerous? I don't think it even makes me particularly disturbed.
I also WANT to win the lottery...

But the thing is "I want to kill you" is taken seriously these days. You never know if someone is actually going to do it because people have killed in the past after saying they want to kill someone and nothing be done about it because people thought that person was joking or he or she wasn't serious. Then they are shocked when it has actually happened. That's why it's never a good idea saying you want to kill someone because it can be taken seriously and you might find police on your doorstep arresting you and taking you away. Heck even kids have gotten suspended from school for talking like that and I did used to think people were stupid for taking it seriously until I was 18 when my mother told me about if I came from a neighborhood or from an area where there was always gun shots and all and then someone tells me they want to kill me, I would get scared. Then she told me if someone says that to me, I better damn well take it seriously or it be stupid of me if I didn't. So I don't want to be stupid so I must take it seriously. All it did was it took that one talk when I was 18 for me to get it and I had to be called stupid if I don't take it seriously. Do you want to be stupid? Do you want to open a can of worms for saying it to someone? It can get you kicked out of school or suspended, have the cops on your back, etc.

My son is six and for the last year he has been telling me this about 3 x a week now. He too has AS and extreme anxiety. When ever I ask something of him this is his response, anything brushing teeth to going to school. They think that he has ODD (Opisitional Difaint Disorder) Im sorry that your going through this to I dont wish it on anyone. We bring him weekly to the pychologist, so we will see.

Pekkkla!.... Pekkkla!.... anyone there.... if you are please give us more information.. as alot of poeple are walking a blind path

"only you have the power to light the way"