Lived Self-Diagnosed, then Confirmed not to have AS

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Yes, I am an introvert. Also someone who always qualified for special "gifted and talented services" as a child due to my high IQ and abilities in science, reading, and art. I also find strategies used for AS helpful, and even some strategies for people with more severe autism. For example, body socks and deep pressure help me. Those are typically therapies more associated with classic autism, but I'm sure many Aspies get it as well. Also, if I can go get on a swing, the repetitive movement greatly reduces my anxiety-- not sure of that's an autism-related trait or not.

Hi,
I just joined yesterday, so many of you may not be familiar with me.

I'm an 18-yr-old pre-med college student and plan on being a neurologist or neuropsychiatrist as a career and I want to specialize in autism as well as seizure disorders.

Anyway, I had always felt a bit different my entire life, like I didn't belong. I was always described as quiet and shy, never had many friends growing up, felt anxious a lot, was very strict and routine about everything, slightly self-injurious, and was "particular" about everything.

Well, when I was 14, I came across Asperger's on the internet and was like "Wow! This really sounds like me!" I began reading about it, buying books, watching documentaries, videos, researching it, etc and I was convinced that I had it. It sounded a lot like me in many ways. I became convinced that I had AS, especially since I read some autobiographies and could relate to the people with it in many ways. I was so sure I had it that I even began declaring that I had AS to teachers, friends, and family members. I even joined many myspace groups for Aspies and such. I even joined the "anti-cure movement" so to speak. Finally, after constantly being told by parents of ASD kids and Aspies themselves that I should have an official diagnosis, I went for one to a psychologist who worked with "kids" with AS. She said "kids", so I don't know if she meant children, adolescents, or adults, or what. But anyway, she completely ruled out AS and said I most certainly did not have it. She said I read body language, made eye contact too well, and communicated what I was feeling too well to even be on the high end of the autism spectrum. Instead of AS, I was just diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and put on Lexapro, and the medicine REALLY did help me function better.

I have to admit, I was literally crushed that she told me I did NOT have Asperger's. Because I was so certain I had it that I had told others and become active in and accepted by the AS community quite well. It was so embarrassing to have to go back to my Aspie myspace groups, admit that it turns out I did not have the disorder. And they weren't supportive of that. Some of those groups have several hundred or even a few thousand members, and I was getting criticised so badly that I had to delete my myspace account and start a new one. Aspies were calling me "fake" and parents of ASD kids were saying that I needed to take back all of my "anti-The Cure" mess since I was not autistic.

I was not satisfied with my psychologists' opinion, however, and went to another. It was a male this time. He also evaluated me and said he did not think I had AS, and that if I did have it, it was too mild and high functioning to be considered on the spectrum. I argued that I met more than enough diagnostic criteria for it, but he refuted that if you bring out the DSM and just go through it, you will find you fit the diagnostic "criteria" for MANY disorders, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have them and that if all one had to do to "have a disorder" was "meet criteria" every single person in the world would have multiple mental disorders.

So my story got me to thinking, is self-diagnosis really that accurate?

From what I have researched, lots of Aspies say you know yourself best, so only you can know if you have AS/autism, but at the same time, what if you feel with every drop of your being that you have it, but get evaluated by professionals, who both say there's no way you have it?

Anyway, the reason I am here is not necessarily because I am an Aspie/Aspergerian (not sure of the preferred term) but because I do have *some" AS characteristics, (but apparently not enough for a DX) and I am an autism researcher/ student looking to interact with people from the spectrum and see how HFA and AS have affected your life.

Thanks for your responses, AutismMerch and whatamarshmallow.

Some things I do are extremely autistic... like bang my head. I've done it since I was 2. And even now, nearly 19 years old and in college, I still will just automatically start slapping my head or banging it on the desk/table when I'm anxious, frustrated, or mad. I'm learning not to do it as much when I'm around other people, because I hate getting the confused stares and flabberghasted facial expressions from those around me, and I hate the comments like "What the heck is wrong with her?" and "Why are you hitting yourself?" I really scared my roommate the first time she saw me do it. I got mad at the computer or something and started banging my head on my desk, but I just did it without thinking. Like...I don't consciously decide to do it, it just is almost a reflex to an uncomfortable emotion like anger, anxiety, or frustration.

Also, when I was little I would often bite and scratch myself... that's not something common amongst NT children, but more common amongst the autistic.

So I think you guys have hit it right on the dot. I'm just an introvert with Aspie/autistic traits... just not enough to officially qualify as on the spectrum. Come to think of it, I think Temple Grandin sometimes mentions that there are people "near the spectrum" (or at least I read where she wrote that once). I think that's where I am. Near the spectrum but not necessarily severe enough to be on it.

You could definitely be what's called an 'autistic cousin', where you do meet some criteria but it's not enough to be actually ON the spectrum.

I find it strange when I read things like this. I consider the spectrum to include those "autistic cousins" too, not just those who fit a diagnostic label.

Self-diagnosis is BS. Most of the symptoms of Asperger's/autism can be applied to other conditions or can simply apply to "I have no social skills." And to the self-diagnosed people: You are the reason why so many people think Asperger's syndrome is made up. Just because you're socially awkward does NOT mean you have Asperger's. You are almost as obnoxious as the people who claim their kids have ADD because they can't pay attention.

I think that diagnosis of something like AS should be done by a medical professional, like every other mental disorder.