What do you hate the most about having autism/aspergers ?

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The fact that not only do I have AS but both my kids are affected..........daughter has PDD-NOS, son has Autism, and I have Autism but I'm verbal thus it's AS anyways dealing w/stuff is like 2-3x harder for me and then ppl forget I have AS and are somehow astonished when I'm symptomatic when stressed.

Having difficulty accepting change right now. Stupid mother who is too social to do things on time with me. Stupid me for saying it's fine, however I did say it in a sarcastic way. In a text message.

I hate how NTs don't believe how some things are harder for me they usually accuse me of trying to get out of doing it or just come right out and call me a liar. They always want an explination why I don't drive or why I still live with my parents when I give them a reason they usually say bullsh!t or laugh at me. I remember a waitress who use to try to hug me all the time when I would evade her she would call me a fa***t then accuse me of being afraid of affection. I am not affraid of affection I don't hug anyone including my parents touching people causes me discomfort. She was some idiot who had three kids from three different daddies who had to torment me to make herself feel better about the bad choices she was making at life. I still do not believe my co-workers would have prefered to befriend her over me. I was the verbal punching bag for the pack of loosers of that sh!thole not her.

I hate everything about it. I daren't think too deeply about the awful fact that I'm the one with Asperger’s and no-one else in my family is. Although Autism runs in my family, none of my parents, aunties, uncles and cousins seemed to have inherited this awful condition. The only relatives who have inherited this are some of my very distant cousins, who I don't ever see and are only small children. But they're not my first cousins. All of my first cousins are NTs, and I'm so jealous of them.

You see, this nasty condition I've got makes me feel isolated. When was first diagnosed (at 8 years old) I thought that I was the only one in the world who had it, and for about 2 or 3 years after that I kept on thinking so deeply about my diagnosis. I kept admiring other kids, and their behaviour, and trying my best to mimic their behaviour. But the word ''Ass-burgers'' kept on playing on my mind, and also Autism did too. My best friend had a little brother who was severely Autistic - that type of Autism where they're so in their own world and don't like being seen my anyone, and only just about likes a tiny bit of attention from his mum. He used to just prance about in nappies all day, (although he was 8 years old), and used to scream if his sister brought me or any of her other friends round, and he had meltdowns for hours, just because he saw an unfamiliar child. I wasn't nowhere near like that, but he still fascinated me.

I'm NOT telling others how to think of their Autism or AS - I'm saying what I think of it as an individual, and I think of it this way: I've always thought that half of me is NT and half of me is severely Autistic, and both the neurology’s meet in the middle, which makes me just an Aspie. Half of me wants to be out there getting on with other people and wanting to mix around, but the Autistic side is what's holding me back and is bringing out the Autism in me, which (because I've got an NT side) just comes out as AS. That's just the way I see it, because it's always seemed that way. I've always been very self-aware, and aware of what's going on around me, and being perfectly able to have conversations with other people and ask questions, but then the Autistic side has always made things that much more difficult and confusing for me. This is just what I look upon AS as - I'm not using it as a stubborn fact against everyone else's personal diagnosis' - I'm just saying that this is my point of view and how it seems to me. Obviously we're all different and we all exhibit some symptoms and not others, and all the symptoms vary from person to person, so I'm not getting everyone to see it the way I do. I'm just saying how I think of it, and the way it has affected me throughout my life. Don't forget - I was diagnosed with it when I was still a young child, so I have grown up already knowing what I was diagnosed with, and how to go about it. I was also diagnosed with Dyspraxia, which makes things difficult too.

I love my AS. I don't see it as a curse or an evil or a huge issue I need to feel bad about myself over. My parents raised me to never think of myself as being disabled and to be normal. When I see other people bitching and moaning about it, it upsets me. I don't think that people who complain about AS deserve to have the great things it can do for them. My AS is a blessing in disguise, and it's made me a good person. MY AS doesn't limit me, because the only thing which can and will limit me is myself. If I think negatively about being "disabled", I'll be negatively impacted. Think about that, whiners.

So what don't I like? I don't like the reactions of others to it. I've had people tell me that my breakdowns are just a cry for attention. Actually, they're the opposite - too much attention will overstimulate me and sometimes cause me to go into shutdown mode. People don't get that I'm wired a bit differently and that my way of doing things and my mind work in ways that theirs don't. This makes some people very intolerant of me.

Well, we all have different opinions on how we view ourselves, and some of us can't help but dwell on it at times. I don't waste every day of my life dwelling on the fact that I'm The One with AS and none of my family or friends are, but sometimes (especially during PMT or when I'm in a bad mood) I start thinking too deeply about it and thinking of all the challenges it causes me, and I get very angry about it. If I had another cousin with AS, I wouldn't mind so much. I probably wouldn't even care whether I had it or not. I see my cousins a lot, and all of them live near, so if one of them did have AS, I would be able to not feel so isolated as much and know that there is someone else in my own family who faces the same sort of challenges as I do, especially if he/she was my age.

I also get jealous of other people because they are able to chat to people. When I start chatting to somebody, I could sense the ''go away and stop following me'' signs, and it scares me from making friends. I mean, surely you can't always sit and wait for someone to come to you - you've got to make some effort too, but even when I do, something's always wrong, and this is what gets me so angry with myself.

Just hate it in general and I wish I didn´t have it.

This just happened to me. Really, really pisses me off. And it's not just NTs, it's also autistic people who are of different subtypes and therefore have no comprehension that problems like mine can even exist.

How hard it is to understand all the social rules, the non-verbal language, seeing the big picture. I'm trying to learn to use and read body language, but it's tiring. I'm also watching my voice, if I speak to loud, soft, high or low; turns out this is also a big deal when it comes to socializing.

The stereotype I hate most? That all people with AS are dumb. I've come across people who started dumbing their language down, who started treating me like a infant, and other things like that after they realized I had PDD-NOS.

What do I hate?

I hate always feeling out of place, even in my own family.
I hate feeling like I'm a failure, even though I've had many "successes" (some great career successes, even a couple of fame moments).
I hate feeling like I not only have no real friends, but feeling like even if I DID know how to make friends, I probably wouldn't bother anyhow.
I hate feeling like I never "measure up" to people's expectations (which is very true in terms of emotional relationships, e.g. my wife).
I hate never being sure what to say or what to do with other people.
I hate wanting to be alone, but not being able to be alone because right now I'm sharing a house with not only my wife, but also four teenage daughters, in about half the square footage that we really "should" occupy.
I hate that I was bullied horribly in school, and I hate the unresolved inner volcano of rage that still occupies my gut.
I hate that by not having "normal" social experiences in school, I've ended up with unrealistic ways of relating to other people (especially women), which even further crimps my social capabilities.
I hate that, although my parents recognised early on that I had something going on, the year when I was age 6 and attended a university's "Child Study Centre" (imagine a school run by psych. and ed. profs and grad students) did nothing in terms of helping understand who I was, what my condition was, or what could be done about it. (This was 1969-70, and they probably didn't even know who Asperger was back then. Sigh.)
I hate that I'm always torn between wanting to completely isolate myself, and yet not wanting to be alone ... which led me into both my marriages, when I probably should have just stayed a loner with occasional "friends with benefits" ... but my fear of social isolation meant that I didn't see that as a viable life choice.

Seriously, the number of times in my life over the last four decades when I would have gladly traded 30 IQ points just to feel "normal".... Sigh. Now, I just wish I could figure out a way to deal with it all.

The stereotypes haven't really bugged me much yet.

I can't stand the fact that I'm all the time clumsy.

There is more but I can't seem to think of the negative things at this time.

Selective hearing. I'm in the process of trying to stop this. Not sure if this is an AS thing or not but this is really annoying.

Yuck - I hate being a fiercely independent person but unable to exercise it because I can't function in the ordinary world.

I hate not being able to really connect to any other human and always feeling out of place.

The reason why I hate having AS because I hate being unique. I want to react to things the way everyone else does. I want to have a confident expression on my face when walking out in public - I don't like giving out vibes what attracts bullies and nasty teenagers.

I hate the way I have outbursts what are uncontrollable, and I hate the way I'm full of rage all the time.

I hate the fact that I struggle to get out there and get chatting to people, and yet other do it and it all goes swimmingly. I hate being a really jealous person, and I hate the way I have the urge to control other people's lives. For example, if my mum likes a programme on the TV what I hate, I do my best to stop her from watching it.

I HATE MY f*****g BRAIN!! !! !! !!!1 Why can't I just be born an NT like the rest of my family! What are the odds that this f**ked-up brain has got wired in me, me, ME!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

The need to feel a sense of absolute control over things for the sake of my own stability - a need that's quite at odds with the challenges one would have to face when leading 'a normal life'.



The one that we're all male programmers or engineers with a penchant for Star Trek and social isolation, I think.