Is there any Aspie who wish they are born normal?

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EricS
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30 Jan 2011, 4:23 pm

Cockney, thanks for that. Unfortunately, my wife passed away 3 years ago. I feel so sad and I feel sorry that I didn't treasure her enough when she was alive. I didn't know of my asperger problem yet until nearly a year after she passed away. I wish I had known of my asperger when she was alive so I can have a chance to treasure her for loving such a boring man like me! Of course, reason she loves me is because I'm a very caring person which attracted her.



Joe90
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30 Jan 2011, 5:27 pm

I have a boyfriend - he's quite a bit older than me. But he's the type of NT who doesn't really judge people's minor differences, and even if I do do something stupid, he just thinks it's genuine, then forgets about it. And anyway, I don't seem to make social mistakes with men, as I do with women.


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TTRSage
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30 Jan 2011, 9:05 pm

I wish I had been born as a better Aspie and knew about it much, much sooner so that I could have lived my life in a manner more consistent with who I am and taking better advantage of all that I have been given to work with.

(I was two months shy of my 60th birthday when I first recognized my autism and three days after that birthday when it was finally confirmed).



EricS
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30 Jan 2011, 9:33 pm

TTRSage wrote:
I wish I had been born as a better Aspie and knew about it much, much sooner so that I could have lived my life in a manner more consistent with who I am and taking better advantage of all that I have been given to work with.

(I was two months shy of my 60th birthday when I first recognized my autism and three days after that birthday when it was finally confirmed).


Yes, it's sad for those of us who knew of it too late in life. I wish to have known at my teen age or upto age 25 or so, so that I can quickly adjust myself properly in life. I mean, I become what I am today just because I never knew that I had such a problem which explains my weirdness. If I knew, I would certainly do what I should, and avoid doing what I shouldn't. Things would certainly be better, I'm sure. I'm now age 50+. All my years wasted. Actually, I did go to see a psychiatrist at age 25, and he never believed there's anything wrong with me, that it's only caused by my own thoughts and fears.



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30 Jan 2011, 10:39 pm

If I could snap my fingers and become NT, I would. Even if it meant giving up everything I have.


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EricS
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31 Jan 2011, 1:00 pm

If I am still young, I'd be happy because now there are many ways that can help. They look very interesting to me. I think it teaches how to interact with people in right ways or something like that.
www.socialthinking.com/
www.neuron.learning

There are many other sources available. Search for it.



alone
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31 Jan 2011, 3:14 pm

I think a portion of me would say yes. The other part of me would say no. I am beyond even being able to tell anyone what it really means to live life like this.

I struggle and I'm sad but I have also felt and experienced more beauty than I have ever heard or read described.


:?



GoodDad
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31 Jan 2011, 6:50 pm

Hi Friends,

With hands thrown in the air like a maniacal Evangelist I would not change a thing. I'm no do- good churchy guy, but I know right from wrong. We are a very select few who have been given incredible gifts, some of us are aware of using them, some not. An Aspie with a nice smile can hypothetically change moods and lives in the thousands on one single day without ever knowing it. Smile to a man on the train in the morning, he forgets his grumpy mood and decides to take time out to relax and in turn maybe all he meets that day he also smiles too, becoming a huge ripple effect....
Einstein, Tesla, Warhol, anyone who has shaped the world in any way, a) seems to have autism or similar traits, and )b,is always regarded as 'eccentric'. I was only reading Julian Assanges story the other day and he would be one of us my friends.
I believe people with autism are the only ones who can change the world, much like Darwins Evolution, only it is now all about the mind
Yes, we are unusual, but Bill Gates, Michaelangelo, and many others are and were too.
I would like everyone to embrace their differences from the norm, know that NT's are clearly not either original, truly creative, nor will have a toenails worth of gifts that we have.

Please feel good about yourself, I know it's hard, damn hard, but we must all bear the battlescars of being born on the Wrong Planet.

Hope you all have a lovely day, maybe sit out in the sun and smile to yourself.

Your Friend,

Joall



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01 Feb 2011, 1:12 pm

I'm not unusual. I have lots of NT friends and a NT boyfriend, and I fit in with them perfectly well. Despite the social mistakes I sometimes make, and the normal everyday things which make me highly anxious, it doesn't interfere with my general communication and making friends, and even my personality.

If Aspies are meant to be clever. then how come I got low grades in subjects at school, and was put in the lowest sets for maths, science, art and music, no matter how hard I tried? I was in the middle set for english, but I still didn't get a high GCSE grade for english.

And it annoys me when people say that NTs aren't intelligent. I know some NTs who got A's in maths and science and art, and who are very logic thinkers too.


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raisedbyignorance
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01 Feb 2011, 1:38 pm

People say that being an NT is not worth the price of losing your personality but I think it's different for every individual really. If the person is comfortable in their own skin regardless of how people look at them then of course they wouldn't want to change.

As for me however, living with AS has been a constant nightmare...I can't step out of my own house without random people out there ready to judge me or to give me a negative label of myself that I can't defy...I can't even be around the more laid back people without pissing them off over one small thing...I can't even be on the same emotional level as my peers because according to them I don't smile enough. I am constantly judged negatively by anyone and I lack the ability to appreciate the rare who do have any respect for me. I lack the ability to make real friends who would actually want to see and hang out with me outside of classes. I'm too uncomfortably squirmish around men to have any real reciprocated feelings for any of them.

If this is the personality that I get with having AS than I would be more than happy to get rid of it. As far as intelligence goes, it won't make a difference. Even with AS I'm still as dumb as a brick.



Joe90
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01 Feb 2011, 4:22 pm

I still rather not have AS. I hate it, and I always have hated it, since the day I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and ASD. It's not about the social part of it. It's about everything else: major anxieties about loud noise, change, criticism, snow, crowds, pressure, toddlers, fear of ''losing'' my special interests.....the list goes on. I come across as likeable and normal and even relaxed, but inside I am like a nervous wreck, and I only express my feelings to a certain extent to friends, but I will express every feeling I have inside me to close relatives, which means I go on and on and not stop.
But generally when I'm out and about with colleagues or friends, you wouldn't think I was an Aspie. If one of you followed behind me and watched everything I do and say, you would be very surprised (well, saying that, if I knew somebody was watching my every move, I probably would throw strong Aspie symptoms about - but I think what I was saying was just metaphorically speaking). I know I make some social mistakes, but that is why I try to surround myself with the type of NTs who aren't likely to judge me over the mistakes I make. I'm best friends with a foreign bloke, and I just know he doesn't judge me, and any social mistakes I do makes him just think it's just genuine. That's probably because foreign people are a little different to the British anyway, since they're foreign, (I'm not being racist or anything - I know I would appear different if I went and lived in Africa or somewhere. People with different accents or language seem to speak in a different tone, and so on). Sometimes foreign people are on my ''social wavelength''. I can't explain what I mean - perhaps I could get another Aspie, who is cleverer than me, to word that better - one who might know what I mean.

But anyway - I grew up with NTs all around; I went to mainstream school, and am the only Aspie in my family, and am the only Aspie where ever I go, so somehow I have just learnt to pick up on the social cues more easily, and have adapted to the world like everyone else.


I'm a bit afraid to put this in case I offend people for interpreting this statement being sexist, and this statement may not be completely true for all Aspies (or may not be true at all), but I will say it anyway, and if I start up a 10-page long argument about this then I will feel like a twat. Anyway, here it is: I think that most male Aspies are more likely to become more focused on their special interests and may prefer to get more advantage out of their uniqueness and their intelligence, rather than to worry too much about other people and having a social life. And most female Aspies, like myself, are more likely to crave for company and/or want more of a social life, and not realise or not worry about their intellectual development, whether they have a high IQ or not. Male Aspies might be more likely to get obsessed over things like video-games or electronics, whilst Aspie females might be more likely to get obsessed over certain people.
BUT (a big but) I am not giving this as a fact, and I am NOT getting everyone to believe me and I am NOT trying to offend anyone. I am just writing out my understanding of ASDs, and what I have learnt and researched. There is no proof or stereotype - everybody's different and everybody's an individual, NT or NL. But I am just saying, that's all. I might be right, I might be wrong. I haven't really met any other Aspies, only one person from college, who is a male and shows a lot more Autistic traits than I do. He's obsessed with video-games and electrical objects.
Please don't take this the wrong way, oh please......... I get so hesitent of putting certain things these days, please don't make me look bad, because I am not offending anyone..........


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Last edited by Joe90 on 02 Feb 2011, 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ginro
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01 Feb 2011, 5:36 pm

I'd rather be the way that I am, with AS.
We're different.
Unconventional.
Not run of the mill.
Unique.

When my Doctor asked me how I felt about the diagnosis I told her that I felt enormous relief, that it felt like a light had been switched on and I finally understood my life. I also told her that I feel that the particular qualities of someone with AS makes them a better person.

When one of my sisters asked me what it was like I told her that (as far as our qualities and abilities go) it was a bit like being Superman minus the ability to fly.

Enjoy it. The things you can do, you can soar on wings of eagles above everyone else .



Simsam114
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01 Feb 2011, 6:28 pm

Impossible. Your Asperger's is a part of who you are, your character. If you were NT instead, you'd be a completely different person, you wouldn't be "you". If you see it as a handicap, then it sounds like self-pitying to me. Maybe you hate being anxious around strangers and think that being NT would make it disappear, so you'd finally be considered "normal" and whatnot, but... no. You can't remove the "Asperger's" part of you. It's not a piece, it IS you. You ARE Asperger's, you don't HAVE it.

Sure, some people would rather be a different person... but I've never quite understood that. It will never happen. Your conscience stays the same, even if there were some technology to implant your brains into another person's body (or a robot... that's pretty awesome), your way of thinking won't change. Ever. You can't be "re-born" as someone else because then it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else.

Make do with what you have.


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GoodDad
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01 Feb 2011, 6:36 pm

Hi Friends,
Firstly, I believe what Joe90 says about the male and female Aspies being very different, just as NT males and females are different. The Tony Atwood 'complete guide' refers to AS females being able to better mask themselves and integrate into NT society better than males as females in general can mimic, and watch how NT peers behave. I might be wrong, but us AS males do not have these wonderful female AS abilities to pretend. Because AS is primarily a rare thing for females, maybe it is different for the different sexes?
Personally, I spent 5 horrible years as a retail salesman and consciously 'had to' mimic my fellow workers to stay employed. Now, I can put the 'face' on and sell anything.
Part of this was done by heavily researching and practical application of Nuero Linguistic Programming.
Now I can engage in the banal, boring conversation with an NT then after feel that a quart of plasma has left my body thanks to the extreme effort.
Ginro, I surely do love your outlook, and well, Apart from AS, I have Celiac Disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Osgood Shattlers in both knees, major Depression, major Anxiety, and up until recently being AS unaware a horrible life being verbally abused and taunted by a stepfather for 20 yrs, then my NT partner for 10 yrs...horrible cruel people for longer than Nelson Mandela was in prison.
Just to let you know Joe90, regardless of how you might feel sometimes, underneath you have a Heart of Gold. Trying to understand what gifts you have is hard. I too failed everything...and I bet you did a lot better than me.

Conventional schooling is extremely hard for us, I used to work out maths in my head, then was told I was cheating because I didn't show how I did it on paper...lol

I for one think you are both brave and awesome, unique and special like an AS diamond in the rubble of NT's.

Your Friend,

Joall

P.s. - you all have tremendous gifts an NT could not fathom, if unaware, means you will eventually find out when the time is right.



EricS
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01 Feb 2011, 11:28 pm

Simsam114 wrote:
Impossible. Your Asperger's is a part of who you are, your character. If you were NT instead, you'd be a completely different person, you wouldn't be "you". If you see it as a handicap, then it sounds like self-pitying to me. Maybe you hate being anxious around strangers and think that being NT would make it disappear, so you'd finally be considered "normal" and whatnot, but... no. You can't remove the "Asperger's" part of you. It's not a piece, it IS you. You ARE Asperger's, you don't HAVE it.

Sure, some people would rather be a different person... but I've never quite understood that. It will never happen. Your conscience stays the same, even if there were some technology to implant your brains into another person's body (or a robot... that's pretty awesome), your way of thinking won't change. Ever. You can't be "re-born" as someone else because then it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else.

Make do with what you have.


Can you imagine how you would be feeling if you never knew you are an aspie? You are still young, so you think all the aspies shouldn't feel anything bad about it, because you are now ready to be a better person, because you already know you are an aspie!

I'm an aspie, but only know it at age 50+. And I have a tough time struggling, asking myself, kept on wondering why am I so different. Have been lonely all my life, people thought I just like being alone.
So, you're much luckier because you know you have asperger at this young age and there are courses available today for you to improve. I never had it so good.



EricS
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01 Feb 2011, 11:51 pm

GoodDad wrote:
Hi Friends,
Firstly, I believe what Joe90 says about the male and female Aspies being very different, just as NT males and females are different. The Tony Atwood 'complete guide' refers to AS females being able to better mask themselves and integrate into NT society better than males as females in general can mimic, and watch how NT peers behave. I might be wrong, but us AS males do not have these wonderful female AS abilities to pretend. Because AS is primarily a rare thing for females, maybe it is different for the different sexes?
Personally, I spent 5 horrible years as a retail salesman and consciously 'had to' mimic my fellow workers to stay employed. Now, I can put the 'face' on and sell anything.
Part of this was done by heavily researching and practical application of Nuero Linguistic Programming.
Now I can engage in the banal, boring conversation with an NT then after feel that a quart of plasma has left my body thanks to the extreme effort.
Ginro, I surely do love your outlook, and well, Apart from AS, I have Celiac Disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Osgood Shattlers in both knees, major Depression, major Anxiety, and up until recently being AS unaware a horrible life being verbally abused and taunted by a stepfather for 20 yrs, then my NT partner for 10 yrs...horrible cruel people for longer than Nelson Mandela was in prison.
Just to let you know Joe90, regardless of how you might feel sometimes, underneath you have a Heart of Gold. Trying to understand what gifts you have is hard. I too failed everything...and I bet you did a lot better than me.

Conventional schooling is extremely hard for us, I used to work out maths in my head, then was told I was cheating because I didn't show how I did it on paper...lol

I for one think you are both brave and awesome, unique and special like an AS diamond in the rubble of NT's.

Your Friend,

Joall

P.s. - you all have tremendous gifts an NT could not fathom, if unaware, means you will eventually find out when the time is right.


Can you tell us what you learn from the neuro linguistic programming? Can it help most aspie and autistic people? How did it help you, how or what did you learn from it?

Can you describe how your celiac desease, etc is like? And does it burden you in anyway?

I think why there are less females being diagnosed as well as why some females find it easier to socialize is because they, being smart or a bit pretty, can find it easier to blend in to others, both males and females. This is just my theory. What do you think?