Autistic Burnout

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Going through something like this now. There is a lot of change happening at once, and a pervasive sense that "everything is wrong/upside down". I think I'm overwhelmed/overstimulated. Am fortunate to have a supportive boss, but am very worried about upsetting other work colleagues/teammates -- am worried because I work in a culture that almost competes in how much we deny sleep/self-care. I called my boss mid melt-down, explained that I was not well today, asked what was wrong, said I didn't know, and asked if I needed to take the week off to "reset". I am so very fortunate that this was offered because I was about to resign, not knowing what else to do.

Sense of "fuzziness" started about a month ago, but have been able to put one foot in front of the other. I called this morning because I absolutely could not get it together. Two meltdowns, all before 10am. Trouble functioning. Feeling very disconnected. I am on medication to manage anxiety, and I think this is helping me not to attach to suicidal thinking-loops, but this kind of thinking is there, in the background. It is different from depression, but I don't know if I can explain how. I think it is a kind of exhaustion. Like I can't turn off, and the fear of failure makes me want to die. The fear of appearing entitled, and of being misunderstood. I'm too tired to talk -- words are very heavy in my mouth.

I just moved, and my semester of school (and therefore routine) just ended for the summer. And I'm starting a new project at work (supposed to start today). Too many transitions at once, possibly. Wanting things to slow way down. Also, I don't know when my last "break/vacation" was... I tend to work until I collapse. And then there is awareness, oh! I need to rest. I’m female, 31, living alone, newly moved to a large city, work remote, demanding job, very isolated.

If one should decide to comment on this post, please do not pick it apart to diagnose me. Instead, what would be most helpful would be suggestions to support recovery to a better state, and to help prevent the next major breakdown. I am always worried that I am about to fail in my career.

Or, I guess "midlife autistic burnout" although the burnout ages people who have talked about it here ranges from 12 to to their 50s (I may have missed someone in their 60s). Mine was early 30s.

But mostly, I'm trying to find resources on this. I can find many blog posts talking about this on a personal level and they are helpful, but are there any resources aside from this article on Autistics.org:

http://www.autistics.org/library/more-autistic.html