This video is just disgraceful to the autistic community.

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Thanks for responding. Really. Some of what I posted was admittedly in anger, but a lot of it really wasn't. Just trying to put some perspective into the discussion really.

First off, I want to make clear that I really do not like the way Autism Speaks produces their videos. But that's one important thing, I think, we all need to keep in mind when watching these things. They're productions. They're edited and re-edited. Music added to induce emotional response, etc. I hate that. And I hate the purely negative messages that comes across with them all once they are finished.

I know quite a bit about how productions like them are put together. The parents who take part in them usually have no clue what it's going to be like when it's done. There's no way to know how many positive things they said that never made it into the video. Not that there necessarily was anything positive, but that's the point. There's no way to know.

As far as them saying what they did in front of their kids, well I do have some things to say about that. I would never have said anything about thinking of driving off a bridge in front of mine, but I have said many of the other things they said, in front of my kids. I have never ever hidden the truth from my kids. Ever. I don't believe in doing so. For MY part, I did not hear them saying anything "horrible" about their kids. All I heard was the truth.

And that's what I'm getting at I guess. A lot of what they're saying may sound like exaggeration, but I can tell you from experience (my own and that of others), they're NOT exaggerating.

I did wince a bit at one or two things I would not have said, but I also knew how true what was said probably was. A lot of what went through my own head I wouldn't want to say here, and am ashamed of now, but it DID go through my head. I do think it's important that the fact that some experiences actually DO cause some people to think horrible things.

The fact is though, she may have thought about doing it, and talks about it now, but she DIDN'T do it. And that's important.

Here's my question to you:

What are we supposed to say about the experience? The straight truth? Or should we sugarcoat it? Or something else? Me? I've always opted for pure honesty. My kids know how hard it was for us.

One thing about me that may help you understand my perspective is that when I was a kid, a LOT of things were kept hidden from me. A lot of the truth was never said in front of me. Yet I ended up dealing with the consequences of the truth, not knowing a damned thing about what was happening, or why. I learned all of the truth later on, when it was too late to change how I reacted to what happened. I would have reacted much differently had I known while it was happening. Much of how I reacted, almost destroyed my relationship with both my parents. Had I known the truth, I probably would have reacted far differently, and not gone trough nearly destroying those relationships.

It may be very different when we're talking about saying certain things in front of a child who can't speak. I can admit that. Parents are human though. They make mistakes. There is no "how-to" manual. All we have to go on is advice from other people. But if you have kids with Autism, that advice is nearly non-existent. We knew NO ONE with experience dealing with Autism. We didn't meet anyone with Autistic kids until long after learning our own are Autistic.

There is one tidbit of information that you probably don't know. And this may or may not help you understand why they did say things with the kids present.

Our kids are not severely Autistic, but we do have three, and I can only guess that might be pretty similar to having one who is severe as far as stress levels and the logistics of maintaining as parents and marriage partners.

One thing that is an extremely rare opportunity in our family, is the opportunity to TALK about anything important. If you hear enough stories from parents of severe Autistics, they have the same problem. The simple fact of the matter is that if you DON'T ever talk about things in the kid's presence, you never talk enough about ANYTHING. And, if you don't talk enough about important matters, those important matters never get taken care of in a timely manner, and your life as a family becomes even more complicated because of so many things that never get addressed.

My own marriage almost fell apart permanently at least four different times directly because of the lack of opportunity to talk about serious issues. The only reason it never did is because we stopped waiting until the kids were not around.

That is one very important aspect of being a parent of Autistic children (as well as many other disorders), that people who are not in a similar situation do not fully understand.

Anyway, I'm not angry with you. Actually, I'm not angry. I just wish more people truly understood what it's really like for those of us in this boat. Descriptions defy the harsh reality. No matter how much I tell anyone about it, and what it's like, it's not possible to truly know until you live it.

Should they not have said some things they did with the kids present? Maybe. Or, maybe they had to choose between burying their feelings or saying it, and the only way they could was in their presence.

And I understand that. I completely understand that things happen after birth. But i'd be a father, not a mother. You really don't hear much about the father's perspective. Sure, some fathers can be crazy, and some fathers just don't want anything to do with their child. But that's not what i'm here to talk about.

I Know I would love my child, just as my parents and family love me. That's just how I was raised. I was raised to love someone no matter who they are, the color of their skin, and no matter what their flaws may be. Everybody on this earth is different, which is something people still have yet to realize.

Last edited by Sansomrocks1027 on 19 Dec 2011, 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

As true as it may be, I know all parents have at least spoken about their children in an derogatory manner, at one point or another, just as children and teens do with their parents. But i'm sure all was probably resolved over a matter of time, and forgotten, as is the case with hurtful words out of anger, rage, sadness, etc. And then some things can be permanent,

I get it, s**t happens. Some things can leave a permanent mark between parent/child. But these women sound as if they wish their children were dead, or never born for that matter, are way too serious about it, which is why this video has caused outrage

Last edited by Sansomrocks1027 on 19 Dec 2011, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Loving your child doesn't preclude cracking under stress. I don't think these desperate thoughts should have been committed to film and in front of the children. But having those thoughts doesn't mean not loving the children. And loving the children doesn't mean never having those thoughts. I think those thoughts should be reserved for private (and definately unfilmed) conversation between adults. But as Mr. Xxx points out, the private time with no kids present may just not happen, or not happen enough. Upthread I said a therapist's office would be a good place but in light of Mr. Xxx's comment, I realize there may be no opportunity for that.

Autism speaks videos are a load of shite, they are emotive and lack balance and show the worst case scenarios so as to get them more money

I would probably move to a collective, or religious community, so as the burden of an autistic child is greatly lessened, and shared by many others of a kinder disposition. The pasture environment is more harmonious for an aspire child anyways. So the abuse could be leveled at a parent trying to push their spawn through an NT school or running a conflicting program.... like imposing an NT mentality

In an open field of vegetables and a paddock full of sheep and goats, autism may find more peace.... than in the suburbs or in a house full of electrical and chemical danger, or a mall of flashing signs, diverse and synthetic smells, discordant sounds

But like a lot of things, there is some truth over the fence

You should tell the truth about it. Don't hide it, it won't make anything any easier for the parents. That's why you embrace the honesty, to inform people of what it's really like, for any situation. I understand that these women have it rough, big time, and that they were only trying to shed light on a dark subject, but it just wasn't done in the proper way.

As is the case with a lot of Autism speaks propaganda.

Did any of the women in the video say they didn't love their children?
It seemed to be quite the opposite to me; they loved their children very much and were devastated that they had to suffer so much. When that poor mother talked about driving her car off of a bridge, the motive wasn't "I hate my child, it is defective and must die". It was "I can't bear to see him/her go through this much pain".

I'm know a lot of things we've said in front of our kids could have been handled in a better way too. As I said earlier, we are very lucky to know they understand a lot because they can speak for themselves, so we get to talk to them after the fact if we think we've made mistakes, and hear what they think. I do hope these women at least tried to talk to theirs if they realized anything they said might have been understood. I hope they at least do let their kids know they are loved unconditionally. That's the thing about Autism Speaks videos. If that does happen, we never see it.

I hate the video itself. It's so clearly edited to show nothing but the negatives. I'd like to believe that how we deal with our own kids is how theirs are dealt with. If it's true, I really wish it would be shown. I think a hell of a lot more can be learned from seeing that. But that doesn't seem to be Autism Speaks mission.

Idiots.

I'm not saying that they don't love their children, because i'm sure they do, and I know they're just having a hard time showing it. I too would hate to see my child suffer, but I wouldn't go as far as publicly saying that I want to drive over a bridge just because I can't bear to see my child suffer any longer.

EXACTLY! And yes, they are idiots, BIG TIME.

I didn't see any comments for the second article.

Wouldn't be surprised if they were all deleted.

Do you get it now?

Nothing is said. No outrage.

Well, i'm just now learning that this video is some years old.

But still, i'm sure it has caused outrage on other websites.

What if your child turned out to be a sociopath? What if he turned out to be a pedophile or a killer or a rapist? Would you still love your child? What if he was a danger to you and the other kids because he was always trying to literally kill you guys and trying to stab you with knives and has already killed few of your pets?

Yes there are these sort of kids out there that do torture animals and people and try to hurt their own families. There are even kids out there that abuse their parents by beating them or hitting them or breaking their things and threatening them. I bet these cases are rare but you never know. Some kids even bully their own parents because of their ODD and that be them abusing them for control like hitting them, breaking things to get their way, lying and lying about other people to manipulate you. They also do not respect you either and they can also put on the mask and make themselves look like very sweet people but in your home, they are monsters and I have see it before because this was how my ex aspie mate acted. he even threw an ax at my brothers nearly hitting them with it and he got hospitalized for it and he did this all behind my back and when I was at his house, I saw the abuse he did to his mother. It disgusted me she let him abuse her and her excuse was "someday he will be bigger than me and he will really hurt me. He is already getting strong." Honestly if I were her, I would have kept her son in the hospital and keep sending him back every time he go back to his ODD. And sadly I did try to be ODD so I can get my way and what do you know, my mother told me she would send me away. This kid was ten years old and he was still smaller than her and she was letting him abuse her and he had the ability to manipulate and put on different acts because around me he act so sweet. I have also read posts by other parents online about their ODD kids and they are all the same. Masks they wear, abuse they do to them, how they lie and manipulate and they are hard to control so they make you look like a bad parent. Most kids actually listen and respect their parents when they follow through what they say and they will actually listen to them and do as they say because they know their parents mean it and lot of parents wonder why their kids never listen to them. That is because they don't ever follow through what they say so their kids learn to not listen and not respect them. But that won't work on an ODD child. Would you still love this child? You can still love someone and not like them. I also think you can love someone and hate them.

Same Story. Except the only one with comments is the last article...
The father murdered his son with aspergers who had a bright future until his dad ended it.

Different titles. Different Dates.

Man arrested in fatal shooting of 13-year-old autistic son
Posted: 09/13/2008 (0 comments)
http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_10456560?source=pkg

Father held in death of autistic son
Posted: 09/14/2008 (0 comments)
http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_10458014?source=pkg

Dad "had to kill" autistic teen son, police say
Posted: 09/18/2008 (0 comments)
http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_10493903?source=pkg

Autism's terrible toll: Parents risk hitting "a breaking point"
Posted: 12/02/2008 (139 comments)
http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_11116100

(oh now people have something to say)
Notice how it's the same place so it's not a news source that people don't read or pay attention to?






The media loves reactions from people. The only way they could get a reaction is by painting a sympathetic picture of the parent.


P.S. MrXxx, everyone makes mistakes. Please don't take what that lady did as to mean you are bad parent. She may not do or say stuff like that often and may have felt pressured to put on a show for what producers wanted. Drama. This form of drama however is giving the wrong messages and is making it worse for the parents but the parents aren't really understanding it yet. I'm sure some have but one of the sad things about being a parent with autistic child is how others treat you as a parent. They talk down to you, say hurtful things about you and your child so in essence you are dealing with that too.

The child can't help it but the other people who surround and are rude about it can.