why are they so many AS fakers?

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SSI is a federal benefit, so your state should be the same as mine. I've known people on SSI. Half of their hourly rate of pay is cut from SSI. So if you make $700/month in SSI, and you made $400 at your job that month, half of the income from your job would be subtracted from your SSI. You'd get $500/SSI and your full $400/job for a total of $900. I don't understand your comment about not knowing the cut off, since you're already on SSI.

valid point! Maybe I'm just angry cuz I'm sitting at home friendless on SSI. Not trying because I gave up? I gave up for a reason though. I have attempted but failed everytime and feel like a fool. Everyone knows who I am and avoids me. So I got used to being alone. It sucks though. As for work, I am a felon. I grew up with a heroin addicted mother. Instead of giving me love, she gave me beer.

I crave attention and want friends and a relationship but I just don't know how to do it! Maybe I'm jealous of the people who can idk.

I'm not feeling good tonight so I leave you with that! I'm going to listen to my iPod and code me an FTP server in C on my Linux box.

I agree with Curious Kitten, and probably would've said something to that effect much sooner had I not felt insulted or even laughed at.

A man runs fast. He wins a race. He comes in first place. He's validated as the fastest there is, and can't possibly have an issue with running.

Except the man has two prosthetic legs.

OK maybe I'm not going to get off lol but why get offended? If you know you have it, then you have it! No need to prove to some stranger over the internet! I didn't get offended when people said I was misdiagnosed. Cuz I know what I was diagnosed as and collect SSI for it. I never said anyone's name just spoke in general.

I don't understand how we all have the same disability and I can't make friends or develop relationships but a lot of people here can. Its confusing and makes me angry!

You gave up because you were overloaded with frustration? been there, done that. Immerse yourself in your special interests for a bit, then when you feel ready, look at where you want to be and map a path there. Everything I've read/seen/experienced indicates that for us, work success is built on special interests.

The good news is we can learn. That includes social skills and how to have/be friends.

When you essentially said "I don't get it" over and over again, reply after reply, it didn't come off looking like you simply did not get it, when you were saying things like communication retardation. You looked to me like a normal person poking their head in here and saying "what's YOUR problem?" at everyone. I wasn't offended really; I just thought that's what you were trying to do.

Some people have it worse, others have it better. I don't know much about it; I only self-diagnosed a month ago and I'm working on setting up an actual testing this summer. But I've been doing research, and listening to others, and that's what I've figured out so far. There's a spectrum and everyone falls in a different place on that spectrum.


Americans.

You and I are Americans, right? I mean... we're the same. Exactly the same. American is American.

But transplant a gun-loving conservative from Texas into the heart of the most liberal city in the U.S. - New York - and look at the contrast. Or put a cornbread-fed midwesterner into the heart of Atlanta. Ouch. Can a white girl from Ohio walk down Martin Luther King Dr. in D.C.?

Not a perfect metaphor. Probably quite flawed. But you're looking at us all like we fit one very specific mold and there's no deviating from that mold. Well, despite all being Aspies, we're still quite different from one another. The only other Aspie I know personally, we have a LOT in common. Almost everything. Except one huge thing that swells me with anxiety. She's pretty. She doesn't have to do much to enter a social situation. And she enters them all the time. She's a social butterfly. She can be weird around guys and they don't care. So she has a HUGE network of friends. And I've got... her. Maybe a couple other friends spread out across the U.S.. And she wants me to just 'snap' out of it. To just invite ALL these people over. And it ain't gonna happen. I can't handle the stress and anxiety. But we're both Americans, so you know, same thing, right?

*Commence hijacking of advice in 3... 2...

Oooh! A Butterfly! ...wait, what was I doing?

New fashion.

People like that want attention. I was diagnosed at age seven

When I lived in Northampton MA late 80's there was definitely a trend of diagnostic chic. I would guess "asperger's fakers" figure they can act selfish while not getting called on it. "I'm not a jerk, I'm a victim." Smoke 'em while you got 'em.

Anger and frustration can lead you to that hopelessness.
I have given up a couple of times.. thought it would be better for everybody and myself to just have zero contact.
I sat in my house alone, I went to my work, tried very hard, said the wrong words, worked even harder, went home and sat some more.
That was it. All I could do.

Frustration has a reason tho.. it is because you want something else than what is happening.
So there is a desire.

Now the trick is to find a managable way to get there.

For work I needed certain type of jobs, computer jobs. Also not just any computer job, but the rather technical deep-down server-code programming one. Where I had written specifications from abroad and no one in the office understood what I was doing.
I type emails to the few that are in the same field. It works. Also pays well

Relationships.. I tried.. failed. Settled for friendship instead.. did not really work.. but I had no clue.
Looking back, it cost me alot of energy to "be acceptable" for the relationship. Never realized at the time that that was the case.
Only learnt that when I ended the relationship.

Now I am in a real relationship. It is unlike anything I ever experienced.
I finally understand. It is amazing.

This may not help at all when you feel down and see no hope.
Just wanted to share.

*hug*

The reason people don't see it is because you are not making a valid point, you're making an overgeneralization.

Being autistic does not mean that one cannot make friends or cannot have a partner/significant other/spouse, or cannot have a job. A lot of autistic people have friends, have partners, and have jobs. This doesn't even mean that they don't have any communication impairments.

"Impairment" doesn't mean "can't ever do this." It often means that it's harder. It's harder for me to make friends and keep them, but I can do it. It's easier for me if I can get to know people online where I can take the time and energy to interact without exhausting myself or showing all of my difficulties. Face-to-face, I have a significantly harder time communicating. The most recent example being that I was trying to restart therapy because my major depression is done with the whole "remission" thing and I am experiencing fairly regular suicidal ideation. During my intake interview (to determine my needs), my attempt to say "I am not going to kill myself between now and my first appointment" was interpreted as me evading the question and trying not to answer and came close to getting me hospitalized for being a danger to myself. I though I had clearly said that I was not going to kill myself, but that's not what the person I was talking to heard.

You can get jobs without having interviews - every job I've ever had was with either a very short interview or no interview at all. If I interview, I can't get work. If I don't, then I might get work, but then I'll lose it as my problems become more prominent.

Anyway, being autistic doesn't mean "never has friends, partner, or job." A lot of autistic people whose severity ranges from non-verbal with minimal self-care skills to the mildest possible case have these things in various combinations.

One thing I see a lot from other autistic people is a tendency to use themselves as the yardstick to determine whether others are truly autistic or not or whether they truly have serious difficulties or not, and while this is a natural impulse (I catch myself doing it as well) it is not really accurate. The truth is much fuzzier with lots of shades of gray.

I feel like I'm starting to write myself into circles here, so I'll try to wrap it up: There's nothing in the diagnostic criteria that says "Can't have friends, job, or romantic partner." If that's your acid test for whether someone is truly autistic, your arguments are factually incorrect. While you are entitled to your own opinions (such as those you keep stating in this thread), you are not entitled to your own facts.

Edit to add: Your frustration makes a lot of sense. I had frustration about the expectation that I should have a relationship. While I am certain that things would be better for me if I did have a long-term relationship, I don't really want one. I also do not know how to maintain one when I have one (and I have tried). I can even be asked out on a date and go out on that date and not realize it was a date until years afterward. And I've not really been asked out for more than one date by anyone.

I did have a long-term relationship but my partner turned out to be abusive and predatory. I could have avoided the situation if I had known enough about the red flags to look out for.

Last edited by Verdandi on 08 Jun 2012, 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

I believe this is SSDI. My understanding is (and I will admit I am wrong here if I am wrong) is that the amount of money you make in a month is subtracted directly from your next SSI check. You also have more leeway for continuing employment on SSDI whereas on SSI enough employment can immediately disqualify you.

so MMCOOL what did you get from your question in the end? Did any of this help?

Being great at faking gets me through the day at work, but it's incredibly difficult and my anxiety levels are through the roof until I get home. Im on edge all the time in case I have to talk to someone and despite having learned how to interact, it's still not good enough to pass as NT. it's not easy and never will be, but I need a job in order to live my life the way I want.

I've been in a relationship for 10 years- my OH has aspie tendencies. I cannot express emotion, have no idea what he needs from me etc. Having the relationship doesn't take the aspies issues away. It can makes things easier as he can be a guide/interpreter but there are bad sides, like interrupted routines, having to compromise, losing control and sole decision making. Etc

I have a job and relationship but it doesn't mean that I don't have an Asd. I have chosen not to disclose to anyone other than OH, so there is zero benefit if I was faking it. Understanding things From other peoples perspectives isone of the things that aspies are not good at, hence this discussion. I have to admit that when I hear about aspies with friends, I do wonder how aspie they really are, as friendship is something I've never really had. It's a spectrum disorder- every aspie can have a unique set of strengths and weaknesses.

I know a few Aspies who are in relationships.

Apparently, a friend is an Aspie. I really can't see it at all. Whereas with some others, it is obvious.