Why don't people with aspergers look people in the eye?

Post Reply New Topic

I don´t feel comfortable doing that, it´s like if they judge you when you look at them. I know it´s paranoid and a BS, but I don´t like it anyway.

However, when I meet somebody, like one to one, I always look them in the eye. It´s polite. But when I am with a group of people, I only look at some, or I don´t look at the people I don´t like. And when i am on the street, I look people above their heads so I see only a blur of them. It helps me hdeal with stress.

Actually, I think it depends a bit on which person it is. If it someone very close that you feel comfortable with, then eye contact (and social contact in general) might be easier. It is particularly difficult with total strangers, like on the bus. Sometimes I do not know where to put my eyes and sometimes I almost feel forced to stare at people. It is very uncomfortable.

A combination of reasons, really: I don't really think to make eye contact; it's just doesn't come naturally to me, and if not for social norms, I don't feel any need to make eye contact with others.

I wouldn't say I have any anxiety regarding eye contact, but it just feels...weird to do so. Awkward. Foreign. When someone does ask me to make eye contact, I tend to look through them instead of at them. Also, I've found that if I have to consciously think of what I'm looking at when I interact with people, I focus almost entirely on that aspect and can't listen to what the other person is saying.

My relative lack of eye contact caused some issues when I worked a retail job a few years back: If I had to go to the back office to check on something while working with a customer, I would forget who I was working with when I got back to the sales floor--I couldn't remember what they looked like.

Regardless of what mood the one i converse with has, i always avert my gaze from the eyes, because i feel they have a judging feeling.

eye contact is often too intense

I've become better at eye contact with age. When I was younger I wouldn't even look at people. (I've only just remembered that.) Now I can, but unless it's a "safe" person, someone I trust, I still don't like making eye contact and would prefer not to.

Some people's eyes are just too intense and I have to look away immediately. Also, I seem to have a limit to how much I can take. I have a customer service job and I notice that the more customers I have in a shift, the less I feel like trying to meet people's eyes.

In social situations or job interviews - especially job interviews - I don't know what to do with my eyes. My default setting is avoid or stare. I have to consciously think about where I'm looking and even still, I'm sure I don't achieve a happy medium that seems natural to people.

Why? I've no idea. I can say that I find it uncomfortable and even threatening. It provokes anxiety, much like humanity in general does.

eyes are just gel blobs that are stuck in the faces of people.
people become far too friendly far too quickly if i look at their eyes while they speak.
when i speak to people, i want them to hear what i say and not look at where i look from.

the world is external to me, and searching "eyes" who seem to have minds of their own are not ever what i choose to talk to.

i talk to minds
and not to eyes
i never part my blinds
to see surprise in others.


because surprise is not well understood by me.

For me personally, I don't know. It feels very uncomfortable. As soon as I look in to someone's eyes I become consciously aware that I'm looking in to their eyes and feel a strong urge to look away, if I keep looking it feels forced and unnatural.

Two of my favourite people at my daughter's school never give me eye contact. Every morning I am greeted by the crossing guard who is one of the most lovely older gentlemen I have ever met. He greets every single person who crosses his walkway with the most cheerful greeting. I specifically park in his street so that I can get a cheerful "Happy Friday!" from him. But for three years now he has never given me eye contact. At first I felt a little rejected until I learned that it was just a quirk of this lovely, wonderful, warm-hearted person.

My daughter's music teacher also talks to a point over my shoulder. He is one of the kindest, gentle teachers I have ever had the pleasure to deal with. He has promoted a passion for music in both my daughter and myself.

This is why I have searched the internet to find out why these two wonderful men avoid eye contact when speaking to me. (Although my daughter's teacher seems to find it easier to give my daughter eye contact). I just wanted to find out why they didn't look me in the eyes (as it can feel a bit like rejection from my perspective). Your descriptions of how it feels to give eye contact is vey interesting.

The mention of intense discomfort, pain, awkwardness are very interesting to me. Would it make these men (who I consider friends) more comfortable if I didn't look at them in the eye when I was talking to them? (I would prefer to put them at ease although it would feel very strange and rude not to look at someone when I greeting them).

Us Aspies know that looking at someone in the eye is an aggressive behavior, so we're smart enough not to give others permission to size us up by looking at them back in the eyes.

I'm not diagnosed with AS, and I look at people's eyes briefly if they're far enough.

When I look them in the eyes I feel like it's a staring contest.

I can't look strangers in the eye when passing in the street. Other people can do it naturally without thinking anything (usually), but I find it too hard. Here are my reasons as to why:-

-I have built up an anxiety about making eye contact with strangers, that now it isn't automatic, which makes me look more nervous and hesitant when passing a person (like I tend to blink a lot, move my eyes around so it doesn't look like I'm staring too much or not enough, etc)

-I worry about them more than myself sometimes, like I worry that I might be intimidating them if I look, and they might think I am judging them which I am not. It's probably because I think the same if they look at me, so now I have got myself believing that others feel the same

-It can sometimes feel pointless to me

These are only reasons why I don't look at strangers whom I'll probably never see again. Giving eye contact with people that I know or are about to get to know is an entirely different kettle of fish.

i have no inclination to look at peoples eyes
i do not think that any further clarification is imparted by looking at their eyes.
i really could not care less and so this is the end of my post.

I don't always look people in the eye, because it makes me a little nervous sometimes, especially if the person is being stern with me. I would feel less comfortable if the person was a stranger, as I had no idea what they'll say to me.

Sometimes I can, but I can't sustain it. If I looking at other parts of the face I get distracted, and I've felt the "electrical shock" of unexpected contact.

..