Do Female Aspies Have A Dating Advantage?

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Verdandi
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15 Feb 2013, 3:19 pm

Assembly wrote:
Many guys find shy,nerdy girls attractive. Sadly, most girls find the same qualities very unattractive (when they are young)
in guys - though they try desperately to convince themself that they want a "nice guy" (often mixed up with guys who are just passive and unassertive and nsecure, but not actually nice).


:roll:

That's not the problem with "nice guys."

This is: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... guys.shtml



Assembly
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15 Feb 2013, 3:29 pm

Quote:

My HFA little girl has played with her hair since she was a baby - playing with hair is not flirting! Perhaps in the NT world but I doubt in the Aspie world (not unless it's a stim).

A beautiful AS girl who is shy and nerdy might appeal for getting laid, but not necessarily for long-term relationship material. And if they do make it that far, I expect the divorce rates are high once the male realises that his AS wife can't cope with the demands of being a wife and mother. This is yet another example of stereotyping Aspie women by another male.

How do you know what Aspie females find attractive in a man? Generalising is unhelpful.

I popped back into the thread seeing a different poster, thinking maybe common sense was at last prevailing, clearly not, so I won't visit this thread again!


You know that AS men likes NT women too and there has been extensive studies on their preferences. Of course it's generalizing, but dating is a numbers game so lets be realistic. The chances of an AS man encountering a women with AS who might like him and even have the courage to say so? Slim -maybe 1/1000. I personally care more for what the 999 other women prefer, odds are I'll be meeting them.

the hair thing it's a part of what's called preening, common among many animals including humans. Of course you can touch, fix your hair without any sexual connotations. But it's also a sign of sexual interest. I had no idea until I saw a video where they observed and discussed female body language indicators of interest. Females almost try to outdo eachother in playing with their hair, like a competition. It's funny when we humans think we're above primal behavior and instincts.

I think you should visit this thread again. You clearly didnt get my point. Also men and women have different priorities/want different things in a relationship. Only being marriage material might be an issue for a guy whilst not finding marriage material (but attracting plenty of guys) might be a problem for a girl.

edit @
Verdandi wrote:
Assembly wrote:
Many guys find shy,nerdy girls attractive. Sadly, most girls find the same qualities very unattractive (when they are young)
in guys - though they try desperately to convince themself that they want a "nice guy" (often mixed up with guys who are just passive and unassertive and nsecure, but not actually nice).


:roll:

That's not the problem with "nice guys."

This is: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... guys.shtml


Yeah, I have read that rant before and thats exactly why I say "nice guys". I truly see why girls are not attracted to men with those characteristics (and I'm one of them)


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Last edited by Assembly on 15 Feb 2013, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yuugiri
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15 Feb 2013, 3:40 pm

This is a quote from one of the earlier pages, but I felt the need to address it:

mrL wrote:
When you study attraction, you discover that what women say and what they want are two different things.

EVERYBODY does this. Men and women.

whirlingmind wrote:
My HFA little girl has played with her hair since she was a baby - playing with hair is not flirting! Perhaps in the NT world but I doubt in the Aspie world (not unless it's a stim).

Hey, I play with hair as a stim too! I used to lie next to my mom and play with hers, but eventually, it just became easier to do it with my own.

Anyway, I honestly doubt anyone's going to convince you at this point, mrL. Maybe when you're ready to learn and take other people's views into account, you'll get somewhere.


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Verdandi
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15 Feb 2013, 3:48 pm

Yeah, I used to twirl and twist and even chew on my hair as a stim. I don't do it so much anymore.

I suppose that may be why people accused me of flirting when I had no such thing on my mind.



Sweetleaf
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15 Feb 2013, 3:55 pm

mrL wrote:
No relationship is better than an abusive relationship but one's inability to open themselves up to a relationship due to fear of abuse or pain is worst. You say I provide no proof but glance at this article http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/200 ... questions/ ; seriously you are only choosing to acknowledge the things that you want to.


And how would you know if it's 'the worst' or not, have you been in an abusive relationship? Hell I am currently in no way wanting a relationship over some unpleasant experiences which aren't even abuse. It would be too much for me, so I certainly don't see anything all that terrible about not pursuing relationships so quick after that if even at all.....something like that can really make it hard to trust anyone, would you want to open yourself up again to women if you got with one who was abusive just like that because its written somewhere that avoiding relationships over being abused is 'the worst' when actually it can probably relieve a lot of stress and give that person some room for recovery.

I don't open up easily due to things like bullying and having any self confidence I might have developed totally anilated but I find it much worse that I can't even seem to simply meet some people and maybe make some friends......the lack of a relationship is the least of my worries right now. I would like to find people I could open up to and become friends with but a relationship would be too much stress and it likely wouldn't work since I can't very well just open up and expose myself to whatever comes my way.


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15 Feb 2013, 3:59 pm

Yuugiri wrote:
mrL wrote:
Ok, well give numbers then; are you saying that no guys approach you? Are you saying that you don't reject the majority of guys that approach you? I at-least try to get a date from most of the girls that I meet but it doesn't work most times; plus rejection hurts my ego each time I am rejected or I don't get a date which is 90% of the time so tell me can you really say that you do not have the advantage?

Why are you demanding evidence when you've provided none yourself? You are making fantastic claims without providing sufficient evidence.

mrL wrote:
Us guys are the real sufferers.

Forgive me for not being sympathetic. :roll:

(btw, bang-up job dismissing the experiences of multiple autistic females so you can continue to play the victim)


well said!



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15 Feb 2013, 4:00 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Yeah, I used to twirl and twist and even chew on my hair as a stim. I don't do it so much anymore.

I suppose that may be why people accused me of flirting when I had no such thing on my mind.


God if it's a flirting thing, I had a lucky escape then, as I used to suck my hair as a stim when I was primary school age. 8O


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Sweetleaf
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15 Feb 2013, 4:24 pm

mrL wrote:
Long article, while men are entitled to nothing, it is silly to believe that women do not adhere to some non-stated methods or pruning. There various threads where women talk about hating how much guys approach them while there are numerous others where women are asking why guys don't have the balls to approach them. Women All women are diffirent; some want to be left alone; some complain about being approached and then complain when guys stop approaching them as they miss this attention. Some girls will call a guy a creep for simply saying hello; it could often be how she is feeling that day; the guy could be handsome, kind and have great qualities and she could take her frustrations out on him. Very often rejection will have absolutely nothing to do with the guy himself but rather on the mood and friction present when the guy meets the girl. Many guys get shot down and end up feeling as though something is wrong with them. Furthermore imagine if a woman approached a man and he completely blew her off; he would be a jerk.

The article mentions that its all about how low men are willing to go but before I feel into my stem of depression I was insanely handsome (still am though I need to get back into shape); I had a killer body; got compliments from both guys and girls but still couldn't hold a conversation with a girl living in a homeless shelter. Like I said being a guy is rough; its not always how low you are willing to go; sometimes you can't even get whats at the bottom of the barrel due to the difficulties you have with social interaction or fear of rejection. It's not that men believe that we are owed anything; its just that it sucks that we must put in virtually all the work and in the end risk getting broken down by someone that wouldn't even give us the time of day and show normal human decency. Lack of interest is no justification for rude or disrespectful behavior. Men are thought to be respectful to women, clearly women must not live by the same standard.


I imagine if a woman veiwed people as being the bottom of the barrel or the top based upon their financial situation, they might have some difficulties finding a date with even the dredges of the barrel, its not that hard to tell when someone is asking you out because they think you'd be easier due to being in rough situation but would never typically go for say a homeless women in a shelter. And I have to wonder would it be 'disrespectful' for that poor homeless women not to go out with a guy who views her as something at the bottom of the barrel?

Also, perhaps some women who struggle with initiating interactions might consider some guys also find that difficult...maybe some women are obsessed with guys showing the size of their 'balls' at any opportunity but its not all of them and probably not the majority of aspie females are like that.

And where are you getting that a female isn't being a jerk if she completely blows someone off in a rude manner......I mean sure if some one comes up and starts saying nasty things to me I might blow them off. But It would be a jerk mood to blow some one off for no other reason than 'just because.' I am sure guys who have a lot on their plate might end up blowing women off....anyone is going to become irritable under stress not just women though it seems females get a lot more hell for it a lot of the time.

You can't very well blame a women for a guy going out of his way to ask her out...yeah I guess the guy put more effort into the initial meeting but females are no better mind readers than men so how the hell is one supposed to know a guy is going to ask them out before they do or that they want to and then ask them out first. I mean it seems you have a lot of anger at the fact guys more commonly ask girls out generally......and you think its about thinking the male has to do it when maybe quite a few females are afraid to ask guys out.


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Sweetleaf
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15 Feb 2013, 4:33 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Assembly wrote:
Many guys find shy,nerdy girls attractive. Sadly, most girls find the same qualities very unattractive (when they are young)
in guys - though they try desperately to convince themself that they want a "nice guy" (often mixed up with guys who are just passive and unassertive and nsecure, but not actually nice).


:roll:

That's not the problem with "nice guys."

This is: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... guys.shtml


I actually hate the idea that if someone is lacking in confidence, passive, unassertive and insecure they can't actually do something to be nice, it always has to be for attention or acceptence well I can say right now as I guess a 'nice girl' in spite of all these issues I still want to help people out of genuine enjoyment of helping others or doing nice things. I am sure many of these 'nice guys' might be simular to that. That said it is possible to put on a nice act to manipulate people but then that shouldn't be referred to as a nice guy that should be referred to as a manipulative guy. I mean it seems the manipluative guys somehow have the title 'nice guys' and the ones that are actually nice probably get accused of only doing it for acceptance and attention.

Though I must point out in the neurotypical social world people are constantly obsessing over being accepted.....whether it be at their job, by their friends and at any social outing. They even go out of their way to try and make people like them so why is it if someone with low confidence and insecurity does something 'nice' it must be an attempt at manipulation I just see so many flaws in this 'nice guy' myth and I am sure a geuninuely nice guy with confidence issues certainly isn't helped by the constant 'nice guys are such deseperate losers.' bandwagon.

Quite frankly I am more disgusted than amused by that article.


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15 Feb 2013, 4:37 pm

mrL wrote:
guy after guy approaches them;


Really? Not at all.



mrL
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15 Feb 2013, 4:37 pm

Ladies (and gentlemen), lets not fight; we are all on the wrong planet together. Lets just put this thread to rest and simply all admit that Aspie men have their difficulties as do Aspie women; trying to figure out who has things more difficult is like comparing apple's and oranges. We are all looking for different things, and every experience can often be a different one. I won't admit to being wrong nor will I profess that I am right; instead I see both points and respect them equally. Now please move on "Road to the Multiverse" is finally on netflix and its a "Wonderful day for Pie"! !! ! :D



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15 Feb 2013, 4:38 pm

mrL wrote:
Ladies (and gentlemen), lets not fight; we are all on the wrong planet together. Lets just put this thread to rest and simply all admit that Aspie men have their difficulties as do Aspie women; trying to figure out who has things more difficult is like comparing apple's and oranges. We are all looking for different things, and every experience can often be a different one. I won't admit to being wrong nor will I profess that I am right; instead I see both points and respect them equally. Now please move on "Road to the Multiverse" is finally on netflix and its a "Wonderful day for Pie"! !! ! :D

that is a lovely note to end the thread on!


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