Harmless Autism Jokes

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Me playing on the seesaw.

I was at Peter's Plateau at every job I started. I was so rubbish at one job they just made me do other things with the same job title and pay.

My favourite so far! That is literally, how I think about everything, before pausing and working the correct meaning!

Somewhere between Amsterdam and Berlin i have lost my brain.
Iff you find it you may have it for free, i dont need it anymore.

WARNING: Iff you find my brain the strongly warning to dont use it for implantation (can be very dangerous)

'Stupid spiders.' but acting like this is nice.

Im sorry but I didnt understand some of these jokes.

Don't be sorry. Would you like any of them explained ?

I dont understand the spider joke or the bar joke.

If you mean "An Aspie walks into a bar - literally"

It's because 'bar' has two meanings , a place where you buy drinks or a cylindrical piece of metal.

There are a lot of jokes that start with person 'x' walks into a bar ( as in they walk into a pub or drinking venue )

if you mean this spider joke

"Someone doing laundry in the basement lifts up a piece of dirty clothes and a spider runs away.

The NT - squishes the spider.
The Autistic - follows the spider and studies it.
The Aspie - follows the spider, looks at it for three minutes, then squishes it."

I believe it's just stereotyping different neurological types , it doesn't make sense to me either.

I am not sure why the Aspie decides to squish the spider... Is it out of impulse? I do agree that I would follow the spider, study it, and probably find a way of getting the spider in a cup so that I could take him outside...

I do find the first and second one funny... The Aspie one seems more like ADHD...

Its about the spectrum of behavior.

NTs get emotional, and would get grossed out by the spider, and afraid, and immediately stomp on it.

An autistic gets fascinated and cerebral and studies the spider. And not only that, the autistic get OBSESSED with spider, and follows it around the house, and wont stop.

The Aspie is in between the two extremes. Studies the spider for a while, and gets off on it. But then gets bored, and then gets NT (or starts to worry about what is social acceptable in NT society) and THEN stomps the spider.

Left, right, and middle of the spectrum.

Dunno if this is harmless, but it is the first thing that came to my mind:


How many autistics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five.

- One to stand in the corner and keep preoccupied thinking of her special interests.
- One to question why we need light at all, because his life is so miserable.
- One to sit and stim because of all the noise the others make.
- One to go mute and freeze because there is a girl in the room.
- And one aspie to bring a light bulb and put the f*****g thing into place.

...incidentally, there are rumors that 80% of the autistic workforce is unemployed...

Its nearly impossible for me to receive regular high standard diploma's.

So i dicided to create my own dilploma's.

True story time. There is a tablet we put in our toilets to keep the septic tank clean. It goes in once a month. So my dad tells me "Follow the instructions on the package." The instructions say, remove tablet from package, flush toilet and insert tablet on the wall of the toilet.

I removed the tablet from the package. But not the individual wrapping because the instructions didn't say that! A month later, my toilet is clogged. $50 and 5 attempts later, my parents take the toilet apart and find the tablet logged in the pipe. They said, "why is it still in the wrapper?!" I said "it said remove it from the package and insert it on the wall of the toilet..."

I really meant no harm. I wasn't trying to be funny or anything, I was just following the instructions. Now of course, every month they tell me "Remove the tablet from the WRAPPER"

Aspie: *makes joke about AS*
NT: Oh honey, you shouldn't say that, it's insensitive.
Aspie: Why?

(Sorry if this doesn't make sense or if it's a repeat)