Post-assessment thoughts (finally got the result today).

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No worries. For me, this site is all about learning ? about how autism impacts me, about how autism impacts others, about autism itself. Through participation, I learn to better recognize my strengths and weaknesses (that I would have never recognized, had I not participated in WP) and how to better adjust to this world.


My siblings remind me all the time (even at my age) how oblivious and out of touch I am. LOL.

It's now been almost three weeks since my diagnosis and today I'm finally meeting up with the psychologist to go through more results of the assessment. I suspect I'll get to know how I did on WAIS-IV etc., which I'm not really looking forward to. I'm worried. Worried that we won't have enough time to talk about all the things I feel like we need to talk about. If we don't have enough time it'll have to wait until the next time we meet up, which won't be for another two weeks.

Not sure if anyone still reads this but I'll probably write later today (after the appointment) as well. I suspect I'll be in need of a bit of a rant.

We absolutely read your writings - and please, don´t make excuses for a wee rant now and then.

Don´t be afraid of your result.
If you don´t have enough time today,- which will probably happen, because this subject isn´t exhausted within 50 minutes, - write about it.
If you need to discuss or air something - use this thread!
It is there for the same reason.

Good luck!

I sitll read it Rebbieh. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Like Jensen said, it would be good for you to write how you feel and what your fears are. You can even give it to the psychologist and if you run out of time she can take it home and look at it. But writing helps you get your thoughts out completely so that is a great idea.

Last edited by skibum on 30 Sep 2014, 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

^^^
THIS
And something a Pervasive as ASD can't be answered in two weeks.

As for the other topics discussed in this thread obsessive and skeptical/paranoid thinking can never go way. With age I have found the combination losing energy and seeing repeatedly the bad consequences has helped me back off to a degree. The explanation of diagnosis only enhanced my desire to back off. I do not want it to go away altogether at all because I need it as a defense against being taken constantly advantage of and because it has it's positive side of seeing things others don't.

A disability identity can be bad, a difference identity is mostly good. I have strongly identified as different since young adulthood. There was no name then. I know others were also different and knew I might have a few things in common with them. But to find out there where plenty of others I had a lot of core things in common with, WOW.

"Mild" Autism was suggested over 15 years ago by an employer. I yessed him because he was signing my paycheck. Later I saw the characters on TV that were like me and were called Aspergers, so I probably was. Mildly interesting but that was it. To make a long story short I got to a point where had to do something, a name of Autism Specialist was presented I said yes to the surprise of me and everyone and the diagnosis was made and I was "all in" as they say. That is autistic decision making, dither, dither , worry, go back and forth, the brain almost psychically hurt from worry about making the wrong decision but the decision is finally made go with it 100%. If I really want I can make a case I am not Aspie-Autistic but I have it repeatedly demonstrated to me that I fit MOST NOT ALL of the criteria.

So getting back to the OP it took me almost 20 years for self acceptance. I don't think it will take her that long because I was blasé about a topic I had mild interest in. The knowledge was not here when autism came on my radar, Wrong Planet as not here when I started. The things slowing me down are not true for the OP and and pretty much 100% of the posters here.

Thoughts after today's session:

1. I'm a little more sure of my diagnosis (though absolutely not sure yet).
2. I don't really think I deserve to live and I don't even know why I'm alive since I'm not good at anything.

Over and out.

(Too upset to write more than this right now.)

Big Hugs Rebbieh.

Why don't you think you deserve to live? I know one thing you are very good at. You have been a very good friend to me and that means a lot.

WOAH! Dear girl! You are the same as before! You just had an explanation to a few things!
That´s all!

I can´t know, what you´ve been told, but you have the same good qualities as before.
You are still an intellectually well equipped person with the same good ability to think for yourself. You are still that quiet, but kind and well liked person.

Line up all the good qualities, you can find in yourself, so you can counterbalance the sad thoughts.
Please, don´t fall into depression! You don´t need that!

Write, whenever you need to air something!

Hugs!

Last edited by Jensen on 30 Sep 2014, 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Life is no about being good at something.
That's what humans make from it.
Instead of trying to be good at something and judge about whether you deserve to live or not
try to do what you enjoy.
Don't feel bad about obsessing about your diagnosis, but enjoy obsessing about your diagnosis.
Autism can be a great special interest.

I don't think you'd get it if I tried to explain why I feel like I don't deserve to live. I don't think you'd understand because it probably sounds really stupid, silly and/or really arrogant to other people. The bottom line is I'm not good at anything and I'm stupid and therefore I don't know why I'm still alive. I struggle to see the point of it all.

Of course, you´re good at something. Start by doing, what you like!
We can´t know, what you´ve been told, but your writings DO NOT! show a stupid person!
Maybe you should write the psychologist and tell her, how devastated, you feel.
A professional person would make time for a talk.

You are not the only one who has ever felt that. I have even felt that before. It's not stupid to feel that way, it's just insecurity. But I do know how that feels. I still get that way sometimes when I am really insecure but when I was younger I felt that way a lot more. But I am really glad you are here because you have been helping me so much. And in truth you could not help me as much as you are if your were stupid. I don't think you are stupid at all, not even a little bit. But I do understand.

No. I'm stupid and I feel like I've probably just lost the only thing I've ever been good at. The only thing I've ever liked about myself. Correction: I was probably never good at it in the first place. I guess I just wanted it so badly I convinced myself I was good at it when in reality I'm just average. Average. Average isn't good enough.

(I'm sorry if I come across as rude or annoying or unpleasant at the moment. I'm upset.)

You are not coming across rude. What is it that you feel you lost? Do you want to pm about it?

You're probably going to think I'm overreacting and that I'm being really silly.

You can still tell me. Whether it seems silly or not, it is still what you feel and whatever you feel is real and valid.