Mother talks about killing her autistic daughter and herself

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I find your avatar very visually appealing.

agreed with all above statements

are you f**king serious?? OMGosh someone needs to get that girl away from her...

Wasn't that temporary though?

What's wrong with Autism Speaks?

We assume that documentaries inform, educate and show the subject in as objective light as possible. Those assumptions are reinforced with images, statistics and professional looking people repeating their "side of the story". It doesn't matter if we know the subjects and filmmakers are biased. We conveniently forget that if there is enough in the film to agree with.
Autism Every Day makes assertions that they speak for autistic children and parents of autistic children.

When the subject of this film hits Wrongplanet, a lot of the debate turns to the gross generalizations the women make about autistic kids. "How many are low functioning vs high functioning?" "They didn't include Asperger's!" "That's fine for low-functioning autistics but not true for high functioning." etc etc The problem with this (should I say digression?) is that those aren't the serious faults of the movie. It's the wailing and nashing of teeth about real children, in front of them! It's the contextualizing of the footage. The over-narration (spin) of what each "autistic action" was and meant to the viewer.

If those were the only autistic children in the world, it would still be an immoral movie to show for fundraising purposes. I'd say the majority of their complaints are based in social norms that most Americans don't even have access to. Harvard? appropriate schools? Bagel dates? Happy marriages? The women were projecting their own aspirations and where their child falls short, they label it part of the daily horrors of autism.

"autism doesn't take a break" is mentioned. Well, motherhood/fatherhood is a 24/7 job for everyone, regardless of disability or ability. I've read comments from mothers of autistic teens that are thankful they don't have NT teen problems! It's perspective. Singer (the mother that "contemplated" homicide/suicide) blames her daughter's dx for not being able to enjoy her other daughter's infancy. Did she enjoy it before the dx? The elder daughter was just as autistic.
It reminds me of my mom's comments when I took my son in to the neurologist. Autism had been brought up as most likely. My mom said she would pray for us, in the sense that the dx was wrong. I was angry because 1)she knows I'm not religious and 2)what are the alternatives when the dx is overturned but your child is still the same, more examinations, tests, questions? I was happy that we knew why our son (and then by extension we) had different developmental milestones. It gave us the tools we needed to learn how to be good parents.

There are other problems in the film, but that's what I have time for. And I think these issues are the most relevant and urgent for this thread.

It's just sad. It isn't Autism speaking at all or even understanding about Autism. It's fear, denial, narcissm and self pity at it's finest. Knowledge about a child's condition is what brings the power to change, not films that advocate self pity and being a victim.

The mother who asked me about her child's meltdowns feels she has much more understanding now since I explained about being locked in a room with sound 20,000 times what she was used to. It gave her an image she could understand and it made her child more understandable to her. It made the behavior understandable. To me, that's the only thing that helps. First you have to actually understand what it's like inside your kid's head, then you can start to logically work with that. To act like there's nothing you can do to help is just adding to the frustration that already exists.

If nothing else, we each have to shed light on our brains for the NT parents who come here stuggling to understand their own child. That is really the best thing we can do. If we stop even one mom from becoming like the mom on that film, we have done something very important.

Too political or whatever the word is... The top movie looks like an actor. If its not and it is a real mom then she has the right to feel whatever she wants. Just doesn't sound too crazy to me.

Edit: Let me rephrase that before I get jumped on. Just like any kid there are good and bad times and thats all I'm really saying. Working with ASD people of varying degrees for the last two years there are great days and there are not great days. Just like any other person ASD or not. I also think its hard when it's really personal like your son or daughter. Cause all parents want the best for their kid and to get hit with that can be a real stepping stone. Not that they can't do great things. Just that it will be harder for them.

This is sad

Read the ENTIRE thread without watching the video, and I still get the jist of it. This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me want to push the prequel parts of my story along, because it shows how we tick and what problems we face and even replicates the psychopathic mom, CAN and because of the futuristic setting, The Cure (with psycho moms FORCING the Cure down the child's throats against their will).

CAN is the result of a mass gathering of parents who just DON'T know how to parent a child and happen to have a child with AS. Now let's think about things: If this woman are psychopathic, then there is the assumption that she doesn't have Autism, which is likely true. And because AS and Autism is likely genetic, then HAHA!! ! YOU HAVE A HUSBAND WHO'S ON THE SPECTRUM!! ! You b#%@$, you just DON'T have any idea, do you!?!

Come to think of it, until she's been proven as being a psychopath, I'd be pretty embarrassed if I were an NT, having this woman represent them on the front of Autism.

Acutally, it's still disturbing even given that. All parents get to the point where they are overwhelmed. Many parents even have a blip of that feeling. What is creepy is putting yourself in front of your child and in front of a camera and making that statement as you smile. Personally, my feeling is that she's an adult and doesn't appear to be anywhere on the spectrum so I'm discounting an impulsive action based on that. So, she is make a deliberate and concious decision to say this...in front of the child and a camera. My feeling is completely with the child because the mother can control the situation she's in, but the child cannot. If that mother is capable of saying something like that in front of her child, who probably can understand what she just heard even if she can't adequately speak to defend herself, can you imagine what she is capable of when the cameras are off? That is what makes those statements so frightening with regard to the child. There's just no comprehension on the mother's part that she shouldn't be doing this. That's far different from any parents flipping out and thinking that for a second or even shouting it and then feeling bad about it.

I wonder how many times she rehearsed it? I don't know. I linked it to my fic and had one of my Aspie characters watch it and freak. Well now, all my NT soccer watching moms are freaking. They all think child services needs to look at that situation, so it's not just us. I just keep reiterating, call and turn her in. That's all you can do.

Last edited by ZanneMarie on 05 Mar 2007, 9:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

The video was put out by Autism Speaks... not CAN...

It is amazing how someone with no power/desire can make an offhanded remark, and people will go BALLISTIC, yet a jerk like that who is effectively the LAW for someone and has a LOT of power can be allowed to make sch a remark with impunity.

The fact is that her daughter IS self aware and PROBABLY understands every word. Even if she doesn't, she has PROBABLY recorded it for when she does. She shouldn't have said it in front of the child EVEN IN JEST! She shouldn't even give serious thoght to, or state that! Alas, there are apparantly a LOT of people that would dispute she is self aware, though her actions SCREAM it! They would DISPUTE that she can understand it, though it is highly likely. They would even doubt she could have recorded it, yet even I sometimes do that with odd sounds or foriegn languages.

There WAS a time when Mothers were thought to at least be a safe haven for their kids. These days, it seems like they may be as big a problem as any. 8-(

Steve

That's just plain sick!

Before you guys decide to pay for a contract hit on this woman, take a step back and consider if how she feels might be representative of many parents who have autistic children. And then think about your own relationship with your parents and perhaps you will see why it might have deteriorated the way the it did. This woman was contemplating suicide/murder and that hopeless, self loathing, hatred/love towards her child is probably what many parents raising an autistic child faces. I thought the video said a lot about why many of us are on such horrible terms with our family. For people on the spectrum, the abuse is often very real.

Actually, I am considering her in context of my own mother and that what scares me for the poor kid. To be perfectly blunt with you, I could give a crap about that mother. If she doesn't like it, she can walk. The kid doesn't have that option.

That isn't a mother having a meltdown. There is a mother on that full video who starts crying. I don't think she understands either, but I do believe she is frustrated and feels badly about the whole situation for herself and her kid. I would fully agree with all your statements above in her case. She clearly feels in over her head and just needs help. This mother is calmly talking about killing her kid in a medium that she knows will be seen by many people. That's an entirely different ballpark. That is a red flag that someone needs to look at what's going on in that home. Not to say they'd find anything, but it is to say it's a red flag that shouldn't be ignored. I can tell you from my own experience that it doesn't take AS or AU to set someone like that off. They view other people as objects to play with or get rid of (and that includes NTs). It isn't wise to try to pass their behavior off as normal or understandable. Too many people did that with my mother and that's how she was able to continue. It's better to say something and apologize if you are wrong. If you are right and say nothing, the kid pays the price and no one else.