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Accepting what you missed in life

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ASS-P
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30 Jun 2015, 3:26 pm

...Siiigh......... :cry:



Moondust
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30 Jun 2015, 4:55 pm

The only thing I missed out on due to AS that I truly pine and yearn for is a few very close friends. Walks together in the park on a chilly fall afternoon, helping each other move, evenings sipping wine at a restaurant with jazz music in the background and stimulating conversation, Sunday lunch together at one another's homes tasting the other's special recipes, helping each other in times of need, reminding each other how great we are when we're down.

I never wanted any of the other things I missed out on due to AS: marriage, children, a corporate career, a mortgage, a travel companion, grandchildren, a facebook account with zillions of "friends" and photos of my last vacation in Bora Bora with my adorable husband - all the things my uber-NT sister has. I never wanted those things enough to not mind the price that goes with them: fearing betrayal, children bitter because I don't give them enough money, being stuck in one place, politics, having to be phony a lot of the time, etc.

I comfort myself thinking that none of the NTs I know have the things in the 1st paragraph either. Am I wrong?


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ProfessorJohn
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01 Jul 2015, 9:10 am

Adamantus wrote:
Make up for experiences by having new ones.


My wife would probably place a lot of limits on what kind of new experiences I would be allowed to make, at least in the romance/sex department.



ProfessorJohn
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01 Jul 2015, 9:13 am

Moondust wrote:
The only thing I missed out on due to AS that I truly pine and yearn for is a few very close friends. Walks together in the park on a chilly fall afternoon, helping each other move, evenings sipping wine at a restaurant with jazz music in the background and stimulating conversation, Sunday lunch together at one another's homes tasting the other's special recipes, helping each other in times of need, reminding each other how great we are when we're down.

I comfort myself thinking that none of the NTs I know have the things in the 1st paragraph either. Am I wrong?


I guess I must be truly fortunate as I have had friends who I have been able to do some of those things you mention. My wife is more than my best friend, and we do some of those things also.



kraftiekortie
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01 Jul 2015, 9:13 am

That would make sense.



ProfessorJohn
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01 Jul 2015, 9:28 am

Which one?



kraftiekortie
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01 Jul 2015, 9:29 am

LOL...that your wife wouldn't want you to have erotic experiences outside of those with herself.



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01 Jul 2015, 9:45 am

Moondust wrote:
The only thing I missed out on due to AS that I truly pine and yearn for is a few very close friends. Walks together in the park on a chilly fall afternoon, helping each other move, evenings sipping wine at a restaurant with jazz music in the background and stimulating conversation, Sunday lunch together at one another's homes tasting the other's special recipes, helping each other in times of need, reminding each other how great we are when we're down.


This. This is what I've always wanted and never been able to have. Until recently, my parents were my closest friends, but even they have started to distance themselves from me, which makes me feel horrible about myself, as you can imagine. I can't say I blame them, though. I'm just too high-maintenance for most people, which is why I've ended up completely alone at age 28.


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ProfessorJohn
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01 Jul 2015, 10:28 am

What do you mean by "high maintenance?"



ASS-P
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14 Jul 2015, 5:31 pm

...As far as " lack of feeling love/similar feelings " :( - VERY very little , anyway - :cry: - I could talk about that :cry: - More general lack of ' letting myself go ' :cry: - " The Little Professor Syndrome " , remember :( ?
Yeah , that too . :(



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14 Jul 2015, 10:14 pm

ProfessorJohn wrote:
BuyerBeware wrote:
Date rape, promiscuous sex, pregnancy scares at 15 and pregnancy at 17. STDs, drugs significantly more dangerous than marijuana, hiding from the police, and even more peer pressure. All things considered, in truth, I'm sort of glad I missed that


It is interesting that when this topic comes up, we tend to end up going over the negative side of things. Most NTs probably don't experience those things. Maybe I am too optimistic or naive (I am rather clueless about life) but there does seem to be many positive things that go with the NT adolescence. It isn't all bad.

I sure would have liked to have spent less time hating myself because I couldn't fit in. I would have liked to have spent less time depressed believing that I would never get the normal things in life like a job and relationship. Thankfully I did get those things, just not in adolescence. It seems to take me 3 to 6 years longer to get things than my peers.

I wish I could come to believe that promiscuous sex is bad. I know it goes against my religious values. I try to tell myself it is bad. But it still looks like it would be fun.



That particular post was going a bit TOO far, but I think I see what he meant, and I agree with him on it. I look at NTs and see them doing things like getting into broken relationships, drinking themselves stupid, getting into fights about things that are even more stupid, doing things (like drugs, but it could be anything) because of "peer pressure", getting in trouble because of the damn stupid things they did because of peer pressure, doing REALLY stupid things to get sex and then regretting it BADLY later, and the list goes on... and on... and on... and on... and on... and on... and on... and on...

Honestly, even just watching close family members engage in what everyone considers to be "normal society", I could just about shudder, thinking how lucky I am to have avoided all of that crap. Just.... ugh. I dont understand it, and I really, REALLY dont WANT to understand it. Exorcise it, maybe, but not understand it.



JitakuKeibiinB
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15 Jul 2015, 4:20 am

Normal things are overrated.



pcuser
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15 Jul 2015, 9:59 am

dianthus wrote:
What Claradoon said. Every person misses out on things in life. It's not just the things we are robbed of, but also all the paths we simply choose not to take each time there is a fork in the road. That's just how life works. We miss much more than we have time to experience in one lifetime, and much more than we could even be fully aware of.

In a way, life would be kind of boring if nothing was missed...it would mean there was no further potential to be developed or explored. And people would take all those experiences for granted. Knowing that something was missed, and feeling the loss of it, can be more meaningful than having experienced it.

Yes, but how do you reconcile not taking that path because you had no clue (because of autism) how to even begin to take it. Risks can have huge, life altering gains. Not having the opportunity to try isn't easily dealt with. I know some things would turn out poorly, but those things often become great and funny stories later in life. It has been said that we never regret our failures as much as not having tried...



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15 Jul 2015, 10:04 am

To be quite honest, I don't believe many NT"s have great adolescences.

Adolescence is a very tough time for many people. Especially so for people with ASD's. But NT's also go through a lot frequently.



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15 Jul 2015, 10:11 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
To be quite honest, I don't believe many NT"s have great adolescences.

Adolescence is a very tough time for many people. Especially so for people with ASD's. But NT's also go through a lot frequently.

Still, I would have liked to find out for myself. Also, most don't seem to be particularly scarred by their triumphs and errors...



kraftiekortie
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15 Jul 2015, 10:17 am

LOL...the only good thing about adolescence...is that it's a "learning experience." One must experience the pain before experiencing the pleasures in life.

In retrospect, my adolescence wasn't "horrible"--but it sure felt that way at the time.