What do you think it means if your therapist says he's not

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So this massive blow conversation with the last police officer which basically threw back in my face everything else I was told by all the other police officers in the past couple of years of how they could help me, plus some huge unstabling event in my personal life that happened in the past month, which I really can't get into publicly, plus a very disturbing situation I had with another person that really affected me in a very traumatic way that I can't publicly tell the details of but basically in a nutshell, the person was insisting on getting involved in a part of my personal life that the person had no business in and then when I asked them to back off the person accused me of treating them very badly. It was a very traumatic thing for me to deal with. And the personal issue that the person was talking about itself, was extremely difficult and very hard for me to work through. So with all of this going on, when I went to my therapist appointment, my child side who is trying to deal with all of this at an extremely young age, just kind of settled into a corner and had a tearful release. And as a result apparently I am too much for my therapist to handle. I think I am better off without a therapist. I'll just go walk in the park by the water and talk to the trees and taxidermy. That therapy seems to be a lot more effective.

Wow, this just sounds so horrible.

I wondered if some of the people doing this are wealthy people with connections who just think they have the run of the neighborhood. And maybe they make bribes or donations to ensure that.

But if some of these people are running drugs or into other criminal activity then that explains a lot. I guess by now the police know who and what they are dealing with. And for some reason they are not willing to deal with the noise problem. Maybe they found out about something else going on that made it seem less important.

It bothers me that the police sounded like they were willing to help you up until all of a sudden they changed their attitude. Sounds like they were all told from a higher level not to spend their time helping you.

Police forces and city governments and other political organizations associated with them can have a lot of corruption. I mean some of the officers who were coming out to help you might be good, honest people but the other people they work for or with might not be. Sometimes they look the other way when people run drugs because they get a cut. You could be getting in the middle of something really big here.

It sounds like at this point the neighbors are doing this on purpose to target you specifically, just to show you that they can keep doing whatever they want. This whole situation sounds dangerous and I really worry for your safety.

Funny thing is, if the police saw me talking to trees and taxidermy, I play pretend that the taxidermy are alive and that I am in the scenes playing with them, and the energy of trees and water and nature is just magnificent as many of you might already know, so I basically am praying to God when I walk through the park and soaking in the energy and letting it rejuvenate and strengthen me. But I am sure that if a police officer saw me in the park he would not understand and he would arrest me and have me taken in for being mentally disturbed and scaring anyone else who might potentially enter the park. I only do that stuff very softly under my breath anyway so that no one will know and it just looks like I am walking. And I try to go when the park is empty. I enjoy it, it makes me feel good and connected to the earth and to God. But of course if anyone saw me they would think I was crazy and it would scare them and I would be arrested. Go figure.

Yeah, I know that there are definite issues in our governing entities. I don't know about outright corruption even though I have heard stories, but I do know about outright and deliberate indifference. I thank you for being concerned about my safety. That is very nice and I really appreciate it. Sometimes I wonder about it too but I have roamed the streets of my neighborhood in the middle of the night and never had a problem. There have been a few occasions where we had shootings but they are not all the time. So I feel pretty safe. But I just figured if something were to happen to me, maybe the city might wake up and rethink a few things. But I am sure they just wouldn't care.

But even if the police were busy with other things, and by the way, half the city's police force was laid off last year and now they are complaining that they don't have the manpower, they could at least ticket the people when they come talk to them rather than just talking to them. They could even use the opportunity to search the house. Or they could just say, we don't deal with noise issues. But to specifically say call us every time, don't deal with them yourself, we will come, and then come, and just tell the people, "Please don't do that," and then complain that I call, that's not right.

Now I can rant and let out my frustrations here but I can't live my life like a victim. I just have to do whatever I can do. It is a constant struggle and there will be constant suicidal thoughts and constant pulling myself out of that but until I can afford to buy my own mountain and put a fence around it, I just have to buckle down and live my life the best I can. It's like getting beaten every day but if that's my life, I don't have a choice. And there many things in my life that are wonderful and fabulous like the park and taxidermy and you guys so I need to get as much enjoyment out of those things as possible.

Skibum,

I have had bad troubles with loud music at times in the past. You are unable to resolve this situation in a civil fashion via direct appeals to the perpetrators or to the police. I'm afraid you are going to need to move at some point. The only thing that preserved my functioning one time in college was I was allowed to move into a graduate and professional students dorm, from a regular undergraduate dorm.

I see you becoming progressively disabled by this the longer it goes on. Please think about an alternative place to live. In the US, disabled people are allowed to live in many senior apartments and these tend to be quiet places, as well as often rent-subsidized. There must be some similar communities where you are?

In the meantime, I would be scouting around for places to hang out if I were you, such as an all-night coffee shop, a bus or train depot, the library, and so on. You didn't have great luck with the ER and I think you understand their policies a little better now.

Get away from perseverating on how things should be in society. That's just going to make you angry, without helping you solve your problem. Your health and sanity cannot afford that righteous indignation right now.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks Bea.
I actually applied for disability and even got a lawyer but I can't qualify. As soon as I have the money to move to a place that is suitable I will. Right now I content myself by going to the park as much as I can or going on bike rides and doing stuff like that. I don't spend my life perseverating on how things should be. I would have killed myself by now if that were the case. But I had to try every avenue to make a difference and not just for myself but also for the thousands of others who suffer from this. My neighbor behind me has a neurological seizure every time someone boom booms by her house. But every now and then I also have to be able to rant about it and get it all out because it's not good to keep it all bottled in. For example, this is the first time in the entire year that my pshcyhe has known me that he saw anything like what he saw the other day and I doubt he will ever see it again. I know for a fact that there is nowhere I can go to get away from this problem until I have the money to do so and it will take a lot. So I just have to do the best I can. But if I spent my entire days feeling like a victim and thinking about other people and what they should do I would kill myself. I know I would. I would not be able to live with that kind of pressure. But trust me, as soon as the opportunity comes up where I am able to move to an ideal place, I will. But for now, I need to be able to release and rant a little so that I don't go crazy. And I am headed to the park right now.

I agree they definitely should ticket them, and it seems strange that they don't since this is happening so often, it would apparently bring in a lot of revenue. Usually city/county governments are all too eager to ticket people for minor offenses to bring in money, even when they don't really need it. And if they laid off HALF the police force sounds like they actually need it. Especially if they feel like it's taking up valuable resources to deal with it...they could really make it worth their while by giving a ticket. The city could also raise the fines as a further deterrent. And a lot of these people probably wouldn't pay their fines so it would be a great excuse to go pick them up and see what other charges they could arrest them for.

They wouldn't be able to search the home without a warrant. Only if there was something visibly illegal going on like having drugs out in plain sight. But if they have a reason to arrest someone, they can do a search.

One thing my therapist told me was that my sensitivity to things is something worth protecting. It's really helped me to see what I can do to minimize the noise in my building by dampening the door closing. And it also makes me not want to leave my apartment I've done such a good job controlling it here. I have to say that minimizing noise makes me no more happy than before, but doing something about it does remind me that noise was never the whole problem to begin with and it gives me a little strength to leave my hideout.

Okay, so skibum ... you should not confront these people again. If there is illegal activity taking place you run the chance of running into the wrong situation and worse, the wrong person. Seriously.

Regarding the noise, I can sympathize. I live on the city's main street, downtown, above a bar. Sirens, fights, open mike, live band. I am actually growing accustomed to these things and am less effected by them than I used to be. The bar I actually enjoy as they play good music. But, it drives the guy across the hall to distraction. So what does he do, he blasts his music! A totally different genre. Well one thing I do have trouble getting used to is being in between two conflicting walls of sound. During these times I turn the TV up and zone into it. I am not afraid to confront him, but my smoking marijuana bugs him, so it balances out.

I would reconsider moving. Criminal types like your noisy neighbours tend not to stay too long in one place. I suspect they will leave before you are ready to do so. In the meantime, that park sounds lovely.

I tried to confront my neighbors in my old apartment but they never answered their door. I even left a note too one time and I had my name and apartment number on it. I finally confronted them when I saw them outside and that was when they gave me that excuse. It wasn't easy with social anxiety and I had to think of what to say to them before confronting them. My husband has talked to the police about it but the loud music didn't stop so we didn't bother with them again.

I try to keep things cordial with my neighbours. I'd rather deal with the music a couple of nights a week than have ill will amongst us. There have been fights in the hallway before which do concern me as my door offers no protection even when locked and I don't have my dog anymore.

Aw what happened to your dog? I remember you had one that was aggressive due to past abuse and you were trying to train it or find someone.

Yes, in the end it was a combination of his aggressive behaviour and a continuing deterioration in health, specifically his teeth, which were leading to infections. He was a great dog and I really miss him. I keep thinking I hear him and I look and then remember he his gone. I never could find anyone who could cope with him and I was starting to have a real hard time managing his strength because of a deteriorating disc issue I have. If I had a lot of money I could have given him a fenced yard and had his teeth fixed, but I don't and he was suffering. And the chance of him ever getting away unmuzzled was a source of anxiety to me as he would not hesitate to attack and kill a smaller dog. His muzzle prevented him from doing this a couple of times while I had him. He was my buddy. I miss him.

Yeah, I have been telling the police this for years. If you pulled over all the boom boomers as they were driving along and ticketed people for it, the city would make so much money you could hire a thousand officers. And just like when they pull you over for a minor traffic violation, like one time I was pulled over because I forgot to turn on my headlights, they said they had to search my vehicle for weapons and drugs and they did. Of course I had none, I never have, but if they did that they would be catching drug dealers left and right. We do have a drug and gang problem. My friend got pulled over for passing in a no pass zone and they searched her car for contraband. They have no problem pulling you over and ticketing you for what they want to pull you over for.

I agree. It is too dangerous. It is one thing to walk around and go places by yourself when you are basically anonymous. It is something else when you become the focus of their attention, especially if they begin to think of you as a witness to their criminal activity.



LOL, this sounds almost like the plot of a sitcom. I mean not to laugh at what you have to go through. But it just goes to show that noise is contagious since everyone keeps turning their stuff up to try to drown it out.

That's awful about the conflicting sounds, that really gets to me even if it is not very loud, like hearing two radios playing different stations, or TVs playing different programs coming from different rooms. I am better at handling high volume if it is just one thing playing than 2 or more different things at low volume.



Hopefully they will leave but sometimes criminals do stay in one place for a long time. However if you really want to move skibum then I hope it works out for you.

Aw sorry for your loss.