Why do people think solitude is such a bad thing?

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Solitude is associated with mental illness particularly depression so that’s why it gets a bad press.

Also it’s associated with mentally ill people doing bad things like the Unabomber in his cabin in the woods.

Not saying there is anything wrong with solitude it’s just the general public sentiment.

I did see a TED talk by someone who was frustrated in their career for many years before moving to a place where they could discuss it with others in the field. A great deal of success seems to be based on who you know, rather than what.

I have spent most of my life alone, often tinkering with things. I consider the advanced machines I built my children, and I was delighted when they proved themselves mature. However, when I reminisce, I don't remember those moments. I remember times I managed to say something well in a conversation.

Henry David Thoreau used solitude to celebrate nature and pen "Walden".
Theodore Kaczynski used solitude to make bombs and write his manifesto.

Different strokes for different folks....



In my experience in the southeastern US, it's everything. New Orleans was extremely cronyistic, nepotistic, and cliquish for sure... but since I moved to the Chattanooga metro area, virtually every job interview [as well as many discussions with attorneys and doctors in a professional context] I've had included questions such as, "Who is your father? Do I know him?" "Are you related to 'such and such' family?" "Do you know 'this person' or 'that person'? They're from the town you live in." If I had a quarter for every time someone asked me where "my people" came from or what race or even nationality I was, I could go out and buy a new suit. This is why the pandemic has barely changed my routine, I often enjoy solitude, but it has been thrust upon me for most of my life.

Ha ha! When I moved here, people would ask who I was related to, and when I said nobody local they just looked confused and wandered off. One of the guys I met is a rather abrasive character, but he tells me that he keeps finding distant relatives all over. I'm pretty sure that people are just claiming to be family so he will treat them decently. Not infrequently, when a feud turns into a stalemate and must be abandoned, someone will "discover" an ancient marriage that makes both sides into one family so they can all save face.

Which is exactly why I will never move away unless it's to a dense urban area, such as where I grew up, where people mind their own damned business. Lots of people I know from other areas [I literally have no friends in this time zone] encourage me constantly to move away from here. I've been to 36 US states. Rural individuals, and often suburbanites, are alike all over. Moving to another rural area in the Southeast, or any other rural region of America I've visited or spent time in, would simply be rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic to prevent it from sinking. At least where I'm at, the pi- er... police know me [and more about me than even I probably know, we have had no civil rights in America since 2001], and avoid me out of fear for a targeting lawsuit, and living with family is a lot more affordable than living in any city will be unless I'm making $75-100k per year. There is literally no city in America, likely anywhere in Canada either, where someone making minimum wage can afford to live alone, and with my mountains of trust issues I don't ever want to live with a stranger again.

The people who think solitude is a bad thing are the people who hate it themselves. I've had many, many people tell me I need to socialise more or get a partner. This is said by people who love those things and think I must be lonely. I am never, ever lonely. I'm happiest and safest when I'm completely alone.

A lot of people just don't understand the desire to be alone but there are a LOT of people who do as well.

Or they've been raised or taught to, and are just repeating it out of a fear of not fitting in.

I hear that. My ideal area to live in is right in the middle of an enormous city, but not in an apartment building where I might run into other tenants in the lobby or elevator. Something unexpected, maybe, like owning a parking lot and having a house-sized concrete construction or closed-off area in one corner that looks from the outside like it might be a power generator or HVAC system for one of the surrounding skyscrapers - but inside it's living space.

Or, heck, even easier - own a mid-block multi-story parking lot of the kind which is surrounded on all sides by tall buildings, seal off the lowest level, soundproof it, and refit it. Satellite won't show anything different, people will still consider it a car park (and it will look and act like one), and it should be fairly trivial to implement things like a personal parking area, delivery locations, and multiple points of entry.

That's brilliant. If one could afford the property taxes on the lot, construction utilizing stacked shipping containers has really made some leaps and bounds. Here in the states, I've always fancied the idea of burying rows of linked shipping containers to make a hobbit house out in the boondocks. It serves the multiple purposes of being naturally insulated against both summer heat and winter cold; allows for full use of the lot for shrubbery, tree groves, and gardens; and with the right sort of doors, windows, and breakaway ventilation makes it particularly well-suited as a shelter from extreme weather events like our regular tornadoes and tropical cyclones [and in conservative areas like this, property tax is almost nil, as we get no public transportation or social services out here].