Cruel(lest) ways you've been rejected?

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I'm 34 and I'm still hitting The Reset Button of Life. Think of it as a sort of 'reincarnation', a way to get a little bit closer to what you want each time. I figure I am having to include my toes in my reincarnation count. Sure some may seem like a step back sometimes, but a step back is sometimes necessary in order to figure out what happened. I know last go around involved a serious look at my lifestyle and the company I was keeping. Just try to keep and build on the good things and minimize the bad where possible. As hard as that is sometimes in the so-called "normal" world.

Logic does help us Spectrum-folk doesn't it? But.....*Butthead voice* epiphanies are cool, too.

Sounds like you got the best of both worlds from reading that book. Would you recommend it for someone who may be considering dating an Aspie woman? I don't have anyone in mind (for now), but it might help if an opportunity presents itself.

To be fair to my husband, that was the only time that he had ever said that. It was also during a very, very difficult period of our life, and one in which neither of us knew about AS. He could have put it in a nicer way, but from his vantage point it probably looked like I didn't want any friends, and that I just wanted to complain about his friends.

I know what emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse looks like, as I've recently realized that my family is very dysfunctional, and that's the way that they'll always be. After putting the pieces together about AS, and gaining some of my self-esteem I realized that the way I was treated by them growing up, and still to this day is wrong. I've for the most part have cut contact with them, and am taking my power back. I think the rejection that I was constantly being exposed to outside of my household just compounded the pain that i felt. I had no way to find any support, because I really had no friends. I grew up thinking that I deserve to be treated the way my parents treated me.

Completely understood (to above multiple pgs) & the dynamics ARE different for HFA/AS. Now, to explain this to another, such as a therapist/counselor becomes an effort in exhaustion. They'll invariably apply those NT rules to interaction which simply do not work for an Aspie. Aspies are conscientious and I do have difficulties understanding how any given mean NT can logically justify their actions. Being told, "Just ignore it, they don't matter" doesn't necessarily work! What if 'that other' just happens to be a husband or wife (like for mitharatowen) or your professor/teacher, or your supervisor, or one that you must interact with routinely?

The worse part (like with a 'professional'): They'll try to make it Aspie's fault, as if Aspie don't try or aren't perfect enough, or arrogant, mean, etc. This is not always the case - bullies DO exist and Aspies are prime target! Did you know to try to convince one who's been hurt that 'it's not real' or it doesn't matter' or 'it's your fault' is precisely how to make a person insane? This is a recipe for suicide.

Also, ignoring the bullying/teasing is like saying, to Aspie, "Then you do not matter; that you are mistreated is of no consequence. Get over it." That KILLS one's self-confidence and makes Aspie even more vulnerable. To ignore is also condoning the perpetrator!

I am nice and so are most Aspies (LordKristov - any female would love to have you for a bf or husband) but niceness can be perceived as weakness and doesn't solve the problem either. I do try to forget but this isn't doable since in order to do so then I'd need to erase my life. I used to think to educate NTs would then help them to not indulge but unsure if this works in reality.

Boy I can relate to alot what what you are saying. I've always tried to be nice but the AS foibles always seemed to void any credit you get for being nice while simultaneously settingyou up for being bullied by the boys and rejected by the girls.

Guys, ever get this from a girl: "You are so great Solinoure, wish I had a boy friend just like you. Not you - but just like you."? If I had a dollar for every girl that came to me bitching about their man, telling me how they were verbally and phisically abused... Lets just say I could treat myself to a really nice steak dinner. I had one friend, that I had a huge crush on, that I got kind of tired of hearing from. Every guy guy she was with, hit her. I joked with her that her first requirement in a man was "a good right hook."

Anyway, it strikes me that there is a bit of sado-maschochism to being NT.

I remember one time in high school I had a couple of bags of chocolate covered peanuts in my book bag. Durring class (my school didn't do the locker thing) some kids that sat behind me stole one of the bags of chocolates. As they sat behind me, laughing and eating the chocolates I sat there fuming. I was so angry and I fell so impotent. It was totally unfair and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day.

That night I decided to set a trap for them. I looked for sleeping pills and laxatives and fortunately for me there were none BUT there was a bottle of tabasco sauce. I carefully opened the bottom of the sack of chocolate covered peanuts and emptied them into a cereal bowl. Then I emptied the entire little bottle of tabasco into it. I went away and about an hour later came back to find that the little chocolate balls had soaked up every last drop of the hot sauce. I rolled them out on a napkin and let them dry. Then placed them back in the bag and sealed it up with super glue.

The next day I layed my trap. They kids knew I had another bag of chocolates and I was sure they would try the same stunt again. I could hardly wait - and sure enough halfway through the period I looked down to see the the chocolates were gone. I could hardly contain myself and its a good thing that they were behind me or they would have know something was up. Anyway, withing a couple of minutes the three guys that sat behind me we gasping and writhing in their seats. When the bell rang at the end of the period my heart soared as I watched them scrample like jack rabbits to the water fountain. They sat in the back of the class but they were the first ones out the door.

Now this sort of revenge taking is not like me. I don't like to be mean as a rule and I figure that revenge only leads to feuding. Had I not been so mad I would have let this drop thinking that to get back at them would lead to them doing something in return. But here is the weird part. Instead of hating me and seeking retribution they became my friends. WTF!? They invited me out to socialize with them. We played games together and hung out. It lasted untill the end of that school year.

It seems to me that some NTs are just looking for someone to put them in their place...

For my 15th birthday I forced together organising another party for myself, decided that everyone could bring food and have a picnic in a park, and anyone could invite themselves. Most people ran off to get drunk. Serves me right for attempting to arrange a party; no idea how they're done, just as I shouldn't fix a roof if I'd no idea how it could be done.

Feb of '88...came home from work to find half the furniture, a good many of my albums, and various kitchen items gone, along with a short note from my soon-to-be ex-wife...

By NC law, the only thing she had to leave was a knife, a fork, and a plate.

I invited at least 50 people to my high school graduation party.

Besides my now ex-boyfriend, guess how many people came?

NONE.

My best friend got the date wrong though, so she had an excuse, and came over the next day, all day, to hang out.

However, those other people, had no excuse. Proved that I had no real friends.

That other, in my case, was my wife. I practically bent over backwards for her and it always seemed like anything was good enough. Granted neither of us knew much about AS at the time - not that it would have likely mattered (see my first post in the thread for the gruesome details.)



I actually never had this problem with my counselor. But then I was also in therapy for depression, anxiety, and the like. AS was not actually a diagnosible condition in and of itself until I was 19. I was a prime target in school for teasing though - especially in my early teens - and at one point, I had thought of suicide. But I ended up not having to deal with those people in high school (my parents bought a house in the far north part of OKC, and therefore that changed where I would go to High School - my school district had three.)

I ended up going through another phase of this in 2007. At one point I had even gotten as far as how I would kill myself. The only things that were keeping me going were school - the only stable thing in my life at the time, and more than a little faith that Lady Athena, in Her Eternal Wisdom, would help set things right in the end if I could find the strength and wisdom in myself to make it through this. Yes, folks, you read this right.....I am a Pagan.



Ignoring the bullying/teasing is also what leads to school shootings in a lot of cases. People get pushed too far and they snap, resulting in a lot of lives being lost. To be clear - I do NOT condone what the shooters did in these cases! I can understand being angry and bitter, but walking into school with guns in your hands is far worse. There were times I fantasized about it would be like to go postal, but I don't think that would score too many points in the next life.



Any female on WrongPlanet perhaps.....the females on the other world don't seem to find me too attractive. Of course, being Aspie, I could just be missing the signs. Or it could also be their own shallow, materialistic immaturity.

Oh, yeah....and I snore. Loudly, I'm told.

I for one will continue to be a nice guy - to a point. I will also not be a doormat anymore. And anyone who mistakes that for weakness and tries to take advantage of me or anyone else I care about will be in for one hell of a disappointment.



Nah, don't erase your life. You came into the world the way you did for a reason. And my thoughts on the education of NTs: this will probably be most effective with those who are not particularly "mainstream" themselves for whatever reason. They would be (in theory) a bit more likely to accept "differences".

My ex did something like this:

Dec 2007 - she calls me up one night from her cell phone in a mall parking lot, telling me how she got into an argument with her husband - she was about to go through her second DNC. I was with her for her first one, and knew it wasn't a pleasant experience. So I listened to the angel on my shoulder and lent her a semi-compassionate ear.

Well, she goes on about how "he always says something that he knows will start an argument", and how unhappy she is right now. Then it hit me: she was sizing me up to see if the door was still open, if you know what I mean.

When she asks me what I think, I tell her she needs to be talking to her husband about this. The conversation ends within the next five minutes.



Now that's awesome! Although you're lucky they didn't do something in retaliation.

I had something like this happen in school as well. And I quickly discovered no one would come to a alcohol-free party.



Been there, done that, wore out the T-shirt. However, at least one of them made it up to you.

Arg! This particularly pisses me off. I have an extreme dislike for people who go for teenagers, if they are that much older. Leave the young to the young! What a vicious cradle robber!

I actually really *love* this thread. I've read everyone's stories up to page six. These stories really make me feel close to you guys. I'm glade to see i'm not the only one who has gone through such things.

LordKristov, I really like your dissection of this thread. Thank you for your responses.

I know how you feel. Read my my rejection story a few pages up. almost exactly the same.

My first day back to school in Grade 10, after a snowstorm kept everybody out of school for a week, I was late for school and I was called into the principal's office. I thought that I'd try to make friends with a girl who was a grade lower than I was. She told me to f**k off. I never tried that again, until after I've graduated.

The older woman could have been brought up on charges potentially as well. And that letter he wrote to you definitely doesn't add up. I mean if he couldn't realize a ten-year age gap (between the older woman and himself) was greater than a one-year age gap (between him and you), he must have been REALLY bad with numbers. Or the sex he was getting was just absolutely INSANE! Man, I've heard of p***yw*****d, but I've never had any so good that I forget how to count.

And we're up to...what, 8 pages now....?