List one NT thing you do not understand.

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Strangely, I was pretty NT in the third grade. Popularity, "groupthink", ect were glamorized in my mind, so I assumed life was better when inside that crowd due to my highly malleable mind. When I was in fourth grade I switched schools and became a little truer to my autistic self. I had four friends then (I had more in third grade) at my new school and two years later, I came out with two. I graduated elementary school and history repeated itself at my new school: 7th grade - four friends. 8th grade (current) - two friends and a few acquaintances. I'm trying to deviate from "groupthink" so I can find my identity, which sometimes I feel I never had. Things I yearned for in my youth (I am still considered "youth", but you get what I'm saying) now seem incomprehensible. Popularity seems petty. Social situations seem overrated.

I still understand some NT things, like high-fives and yearning for compliments. High-fives are a form of encouragement and compliments seem to boost self-esteem. Compliments about beauty seem petty to me, but compliments about my abilities are more worthwhile.

*Take note I only read up to page 6

Behind someone's back, they are free to vent. They are free to speak their mind. The consequences aren't as immediate as when you say something offensive to the person's face. I know because I do this sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had the spine to say it to the person's face, but there's a slight NT portion of me saying "Don't say it, it's mean. You'll start conflict, blah blah blah."

The concept of "Peer Pressure".

We'd have all of these talks about "Not giving into peer pressure" at school by people who clearly had given into peer pressure. Double standards.

Some of these people wore high heels and earrings, so clearly must've been on social "auto-pilot" and given into some kind of "irrational" peer pressure at some point. I respect their choices to do these things, but these are still examples of peer pressure. Gender related peer pressure. I have not done these things: A) Because I didn't have the time, B) I didn't know how, C) I didn't know why. What practical purpose do these activities women engage in serve. Are these behaviours vestiges of behaviours from another time? I have no idea.

I'm sorry, but I only do things if I enjoy doing them or they serve a practical purpose.
I hate coercion.

Wearing school uniform is also a kind of peer pressure.

It's not just the peer pressure to engage in "bad" behaviour, smoke or drink alcohol.
Peer pressure seems to be how organisations work. Denying this basic human nature is crazy.

I think that these lessons on social "peer pressure" were a waste of time because everyone succumbs to it at some point in their lives.

There's also what I call "positive peer pressure": the pressure to succeed and participate.
I think that this can be just as harmful and destructive as "negative peer" pressure. I know from experience and have seen friends and family stressed out from trying to fulfil too many obligations at once.

It just makes me sad and depressed sometimes to watch women basically copying each other on autopilot. Almost like they don't want individuality or respect for themselves. They probably think nothing of putting on make up, crash dieting or a pair of earrings every day. But every day I think: why are they doing this to themselves, why why why?

Peer pressure is pervasive. I don't understand why people label it as "bad" when they follow fashion trends and persuade others themselves.

"Don't give into peer pressure. It's bad."
"Bullies are evil."
These ideas I don't understand.
They simplify the issues and don't take into account social/physical environmental influences on an individual. It's black and white thinking again: it doesn't consider all options and opinions.

These ideas conveniently gloss over the fact that people are human and are therefore prone to do human things.

The phrases:

"State why you think you are perfect for the job."

"Find the perfect candidate!"


Sadly, I am no Mary Poppins: I'm not "practically perfect in every way" as much as I'd like to be. I don't honestly think that anyone else is either. Yes, there are very talented people out there who do brilliant jobs, but they aren't perfect. Maybe if they were robots, they would be "perfect". Human beings have flaws and make mistakes. The "perfect" human does not exist, neither does the "perfect job".

I don't understand why people have to apply for jobs and state why they are "perfect".

Why does it have to be this way round?

Why not use the imperfect human resources that you have and tailor jobs to suit individual people? Why can't a job apply for a person?

Why not use the talent that's already available in the population and use that to create jobs? Why not let people make use of their quirks rather than forcing them to correct them?

It seems a lot less wasteful, less socially stressful and more humane this way around.
That way, people who have difficulties initiating conversations/social contact could get jobs and could contribute.

I also dislike the phrase: "Dream Job"
Dream jobs are the jobs available in dreamland when you go to sleep at night.
I would ideally like a job that I can do when I'm fully conscious and awake. A real job that I can earn money from in reality.

The preoccupation with clothes.

I buy clothes based on how comfy they are. I can't stand to spend a lot of money on clothes, it's just stupid.

I do buy 'cute' things, at least things I like to look at. Shirts in my favorite color, funny t-shirts, ankle-length swirly skirts, or just things that are super-soft or feel good on my body.

Why does it matter what stupid (overpaid) designer created the latest itchy must-have item of clothing?

My favorite skirt came from Goodwill and cost $1, my favorite shirt (which I am wearing today! makes me happy!) came from Wal-Mart and maybe cost $10

The preoccupation with clothes...

Well, I buy clothes I like too, and I don't care about the brand, but some brands look better and FEEL better too. Some fabrics are just downright annoying.

For some reason, clothes make me feel protected, specially the dark colored ones.

I think venting is pretty important. It is a social release valve that lets one get their frustrations under control without forcing a confrontation that may itself not be necessary.

And then there's gossip and spreading lies about people behind their back, which I do not understand.

If ASD people seem to think that NTs can read ALL body language without fail (to me it's not always necessarily so), then why do they ask so many questions to someone who is obviously showing the answer by body language? Last time I went to a theme park my cousin came off a really fast rollercoaster and was looking all out of breath and had a facial expression which said, ''that ride was fun but bloody hell it was scary!'' and my other cousin asked, ''was it scary?'' Also once I was eating a chocolate sundae, and I was enjoying it so much, and somebody asked, ''is that nice?'' I was like, ''well course it was nice - I wouldn't have been eating it otherwise!''
OK, OK - I know they probably ask these questions to be friendly, but still - it gets annoying sometimes.


Also, I don't get why people always look at the person who they expect will react to something what was said. I love moths, and once somebody randomly said (for no reason), ''I hate moths!'' and everyone in the room looked at me expectantly, as if I'm going to start lecturing them or something, just because I like moths. I was like, ''why is everybody looking at me for? She's got the right to have her own opinion!''


Lastly, why do people look at you funny when you slip on ice? It's a really cold day, with snow thawing, and slippery ice is forming all over the pavements, and you come across a really slippery patch what you can't avoid, and your foot slips just a tiny bit. You don't slip right over - your foot just skids a bit or slips, making it spaz out. And then you get the whole street looking at you, about to laugh, as though you've just done something out of the ordinary. Slipping on ice isn't out of the ordinary when it's icy. It is when it's a dry summer's day and you slip on ordinary flat pavement (which is nearly impossible) and people are like, ''how did she slip?'' but on an icy day, you would have thought it would be more expected. And I know that ''you-are-such-a-freak-because-you-slipped-on-ice'' look when I see it - it is not a look of sympathy. I see people grinning as though they've never seen ice before.


Oh - I've got another one. Why do people ridicule you for having something on you what you can't help, for example a spot on your face? I clean my face every day, but I can't always help the odd spot popping up. Nobody can, however much they look after themselves. Also, why do people ridicule you if you've got a scratch on your face? My cousin accidentally scratched her face once and she was panicking about going out, and I said, ''what are you panicking for? It's only a little scratch, and you can hardly do anything about it being there, expect wait for it to heal!''

God! If NTs are that judgemental of other strangers they meet in the street then God help them! The next time I see an NT in my family panicking about something so trivial, I'm just going to shake my head and say, ''dear oh dear oh dear!''

And they say Aspies worry about trivial things!

I don't understand and am annoyed by sarcasm, fashionistas, people who value money way too much, and people who get angry at you for not understanding something they said.

Situation that has just occurred;

I'm keeping myself available more on MSN to attempt being more sociable, so a guy who I've not talked to for a while comes online and asks me how I'm doing...just as conversation is about to start he says 'Right, I'm knacked, nite nite xx' - wha?

Why start off a conversation if you're just going to put a sudden halt on it like that?

He was being courteous by checking how you are even though he didn't have time for a bigger conversation. Either that or he just suddenly really felt tired whereas he didn't when he started the convo.

Why they joke about strange things like people being "psychopaths" and "drunks". And are unable to ever let go of it.

I don't understand why most people think that getting drunk is more better than doing something worthwhile.

I don't understand why teenagers shout out nasty things or silly noises to other people who walks past them.

I don't understand why people stare at you like you have two heads.

I don't understand why people scuttle away from you when you have a sick bug, yet they go out and drink themselves stupid then end up throwing up the next day, which is worse than a sick bug in one way because hangovers usually give you a splitting headache aswell.

I don't understand why people think that having a partner will complete their life, yet you see all these people around you splitting up from theur partners while their kids are still babies, then finding another partner that quick and having more kids, then splitting up, ect.

Sometimes I don't understand why people feel the need to air out what someone has said about another person that was nasty or not nice or negative. To me that is a form of bullying because you are going to that person and going "Guess what Fred said about you? He said you were stupid because you didn't understand his joke" because it makes him feel bad about himself so why would you want to do that, plus it can cause more drama between them so why do it? Do you want drama? Do you want to see them fight and hear more about it so you can keep telling the other person what Fred said about him and what Johnny said about him? When one of my former friends was bad talking his friend I am also friends with, I didn't go to her and tell her what he said about her. Plus he was just ranting about things she does that is annoying like bumping old topics and being too sensitive. But she already knew anyway what a jerk he is so she blocked him.

When I was in high school, my mom's boss was saying mean things about her, her co workers were telling her what she was saying and my mom asked them how is that them telling her being supportive and they said they were just helping and she said how does that help her, hoes her knowing what their boss is saying about her helping? How is making her feel worse help. They were clueless so they never did it again. To her. Yeah why do people think it is helping someone when you tell them what another person has been saying about them? Unless they are friends, I can understand because friends shouldn't be doing that or they just want you to resolve the issue with your friend so they think if they both hear each other sides of the story, they will resolve the issue and be over their fight. But if someone is just pretending to be your friend and someone who knows you over heard your "friend" and she was saying how she is using you and all, I can understand why they'd tell you what your "friend" said about you because they don't want you to get hurt and get used. But the other stuff I don't understand.

Of mean things I sometimes hear about other members here from someone, I don't go to them and tell them what I was told about them. Because why would I want to upset them? Why do I even want the drama and be sucked into it? I don't so I don't say a word. Same as if my friend decides to rant to me about another user here, I still don't go to them and repeat what my friend has said about them. I don't go to my local ASAN group and tell someone there what my friend says about her and how he makes fun of her name. Seriously, why do people feel the need to air it than keeping it to themselves?

Even aspies do this too, not just NTs.

I don't understand why NTs are allowed to be in bad moods, but Aspies aren't.

When I was talking to my social worker, I told her about my stress and anxiety I get when random people in the street look at me with a glaring expression on their face as though they hate me. The social worker said, ''oh perhaps they're just in a bad mood. You must consider that other people aren't always in the happiest of moods, and that they are already feeling upset or whatever and so it probably ain't personal,'' and so on. That's all very well and good, but what happens when I'm in a bad mood, behaving the same way as an NT would when they're in a bad mood? I sometimes walk down the street with a huffy sort of expression when I'm in a general bad mood, but then that draws NTs to look and they don't to like it. How come they don't stop and think, ''oh she might be in a bad mood or something, I must consider that other people aren't always in the happiness of moods, and that they are probably feeling upset, so I shouldn't take anything to offence from a random young person in the street who so happens to be pulling an unhappy face.'' No - they never stop and think that, but apparently I must. Ohh, it really annoys me!
It's like people expect Aspies or those with other disabilities to change theirselves fully to adapt to NTs, but NTs don't have to change themselves fully to adapt to NLs, so NLs get the blame and have a lot more pressure. I really don't think it's fair. People should be friendly enough to get along, but not expecting one to change fully just to keep the peace. NTs and NLs should ''meet half way'', meaning NTs should have a little more understanding and patience, and NLs should just be friendly if they want to speak to other people, and also patient, and then it's all good.

And they say it's only ASD people who are the ones who don't consider other people's feelings....

Last edited by Joe90 on 13 May 2011, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't get why some people feel the need to constantly ask people that are not married when they are going to get married.
Marriage isn't a must do thing that will make your life complete.