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Kiseki
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01 Jul 2010, 11:22 pm

DandelionFireworks wrote:
Sometimes you can't tell that you're misreading things. Sometimes, you can tell because the situation is utterly illogical. Sometimes, you can tell because you can't get any information at all.

Like, if you're talking to someone who's been making an impassioned pro-neurodiversity speech and then they say "yeah, let's all bow down before the altar of Autism Speaks and pray to be replaced by easy-to-deal-with NTs," if you don't get the sarcasm, you can at least realize that this situation does not make sense. If you know that you don't get sarcasm, you might ask the other person, "are you being sarcastic?" (Of course, they might sarcastically say no.)

And sometimes you know because you can't derive any meaning at all, and have enough experience to know that other people derive meaning from this.

Another thing is that you might repeatedly make the same mistake. I'm wary of my ability to read facial expressions, because I identify the vast majority of facial expressions as "deep in thought" or some variation thereof. (The rest seem angry to me, but generally I miss faces that are actually angry.) I can succeed at multiple-choice tests because they never have "thoughtful" as an option, and I can succeed in real life because people keep moving and speaking and I have the context.


Hmm, interesting. I think I can read faces fine. When my students come in and tell me they are "fine" but they look "not fine" I ask them "Really?" and they admit the truth. And I tend to know the type of people others are before my friends catch on. I don't know if it's because I am reading faces or not. It is more like just gut feelings I have. If I feel weird about a situation I am usually right in that it IS weird.



DandelionFireworks
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02 Jul 2010, 2:29 am

That, to be honest, doesn't sound Aspie. Do others pick up on your emotional state as easily?


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Kiseki
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02 Jul 2010, 3:30 am

DandelionFireworks wrote:
That, to be honest, doesn't sound Aspie. Do others pick up on your emotional state as easily?


Yeah, it doesn't sound Aspie at all which is why I am confused. Many other traits fit and I often find myself saying things which offend others that I don't think are offensive. But I can't understand if my reading people is something I learned over the course of my life or not.

What do you mean by others picking up on my emotional state?



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02 Jul 2010, 10:44 am

alexptrans wrote:
This is for AS/NT:

Suppose you're having a conversation with someone you've met for the first time. The conversation lasts about an hour. Will you be able to recall what they look like after that one conversation?


Normally not in my case. I find it too hard to look at strangers too much and therefore can't quite remember what they looked like.


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Last edited by luvmyaspie on 02 Jul 2010, 6:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DandelionFireworks
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02 Jul 2010, 5:00 pm

I mean, if you're feeling something, do the people around you know?


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Kiseki
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02 Jul 2010, 6:11 pm

DandelionFireworks wrote:
I mean, if you're feeling something, do the people around you know?


Actually, no, they usually don't. Just the other day I was quite worried and sad and I thought I looked very obvious. But when I went to my roomie to talk she didn't seem to register it until I TOLD her what was up.

I've read studies that autistic people CAN actually read mental states. It may be be possible that it just takes longer than NTs. It is really weird to me. I've done all the online AS tests and all show that I have some form of AS, EXCEPT for the reading faces and face blindness ones. Those I did better on than the general NT public.

I pay attention to detail though and enjoy studying people. I always have, since I was a kid. Maybe it was my subconscious way of getting to understand them.



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02 Jul 2010, 7:38 pm

As far as reading other people, I seem to be good at reading the difference between superficial niceness versus true kindness. I wonder, maybe because the true kindness sees me, and responds to me as I am, versus following the rules of kindness but ignoring me. Maybe because I'm different, the difference between the two is more noticable to me than to most folks. Or maybe that's part if it, anyway. But, I definitely tend to be able to tell when someone is acting nice on one level, but doesn't really respect me. The early sense does tend to be borne out by experience.

Which doesn't really have to do with non-verbals in particular.


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02 Jul 2010, 10:48 pm

My question is what do I do next?

All year I have been fighting red tape. I am tired of it. I am depressed and feeling like going hermit. But I am trying to be realistic. Is my veiw of realistic different. I have several health issues, none seem to be of enough importance to anyone for them to actually do something to help. I am very concerned that my physical disabilities adde to my psychological disabilities will leave me alone and unable to cope. I would need a lot of space to explain it all. Months of red tape have left me nowhere. I have exhausted all but one avenue of help and I recieved a letter from them saying that I was recieving sufficient help at the moment and they would get back to do another assessment on me within 3 months. 3 months! I have been at this all year and I know that if they approve me for aid it will take about 2 years to get off the waiting list.

So far I am not on the waiting list for knee surgery, not on the waiting list for cataract surgery, on a 4 year waiting list for gall bladder surgery. It took me 7 years to get on the waiting list for dental. Yesterday the optomistrist told me that I will never get good sight back in my right eye. I will not be able to read even with glasses and though my brain will compensate with the left eye, I will get more eye strain and headache.

I am alone. Family don't want to know. Friends are unable to help or just don't want to know. I already have a psychiatrist who can only help by giving me more pills. I already have a psychologist who at least explains the 'normal' world to me. I have a GP who seems to think I am mentally ret*d. Mental Helath at the local hospital has told me not to come back. :cry:



Kiseki
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03 Jul 2010, 3:34 am

Mysty wrote:
As far as reading other people, I seem to be good at reading the difference between superficial niceness versus true kindness. I wonder, maybe because the true kindness sees me, and responds to me as I am, versus following the rules of kindness but ignoring me. Maybe because I'm different, the difference between the two is more noticable to me than to most folks. Or maybe that's part if it, anyway. But, I definitely tend to be able to tell when someone is acting nice on one level, but doesn't really respect me. The early sense does tend to be borne out by experience.

Which doesn't really have to do with non-verbals in particular.


Yes, that's the same kind of thing I can read as well. And also more noticeable to me than "normal" folk. It's almost like an ESP thing, which I can also do. I've guessed strangers' exact birthdates and ages before. I wonder if it has anything to do with attention to detail vs. the big picture or the way an AS person's mind is wired.



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03 Jul 2010, 3:25 pm

Newday I have a friend in a similar situation. I'm not sure what to do for him either except be his friend and acknowledge his issues. Have you tried talking to your friends and family about how it is affecting you, as in like your feelings and mood (as opposed to talking about the actual ailments)? Sorry I can't help more it's a bummer having physical problems :cry:
What's up with your knee? I busted mine years ago (ruptured medial ligament) it's all good now even without surgery.



loli
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06 Jul 2010, 4:06 am

I would like to ask nt why so many especially women talk about how much they don't like some one and then when that person comes over they saying stuff like im always glad to see you . etc. etc. it just seems wrong to lie that much . when I don't like some one and I see them i don't tell them i don't like you go away . but I try not to talk to them . what is the use in all the lying ?
thank you



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06 Jul 2010, 5:42 am

BAP 101 aloof 129 rigid 97 pragmatic

Autism Quotient 39

Emotional Intelligence 91 27percentile

cannot take eqsq test because internal server error

Highly Sensitive

reading mind in the eye 16



About_A_Girl
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06 Jul 2010, 7:16 am

I have a question for NTs who has AS siblings/friend(s)...

How were you convinced by your AS siblings/friends that they have AS, instead of just a unique personality (given the situation that their AS traits are not very prominent/they were very good at pretending to be normal before they found out their AS)?

I told my father about it yesterday and he said that he didn't think I have it. He thought I should not let it be an excuse for not working to improve my social skills. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, and if DX is a most convincing way for NTs to believe it, I want to get one. I just wish my dad can understand where I'm at.



About_A_Girl
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06 Jul 2010, 7:17 am

I have a question for NTs who has AS siblings/friend(s)...

How were you convinced by your AS siblings/friends that they have AS, instead of just a unique personality (given the situation that their AS traits are not very prominent/they were very good at pretending to be normal before they found out their AS)?

I told my father about it yesterday and he said that he didn't think I have it. He thought I should not let it be an excuse for not working to improve my social skills. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, and if DX is a most convincing way for NTs to believe it, I want to get one. I just wish my dad can understand where I'm at.



nikkib
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06 Jul 2010, 12:04 pm

I would be convinced just by being told that the person has AS and maybe being given some information on AS, as it is possible that they haven't come across AS before and so don't know how it would affect you. However I do know other people who wouldn't believe unless they were presented with a clear proper diagnosis which they heard from the doctor, and even then would probably still feel it was something that could be solved by a good kick up the arse.

The sad truth is that if someone doesn't want to believe, be it in the case of a parent not wanting to know that their child isn't typical/'perfect', or friends not knowing how to deal with the information etc. You have to hope that in time the people close to you who should understand, do, but this often isn't the case. Not just with AS, but (for example) I have ME and know many people of the 'kick-up-the-arse' persuasion... People should listen to facts and accept what they are told, but many seem to chose to live in denial instead so that they don't actually need to process the information or change their own behaviours and beliefs about the world.

I hope you find a way to make your dad understand.



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06 Jul 2010, 1:41 pm

About A Girl,

My ex husband doesn't believe my children's diagnoses. I've not figured out a way to get him to accept them and work with us to help the children. At this point his strategy seems to be to ignore things, blame anything he notices on me, and when things get difficult distance himself from the kids. He won't talk to my husband or myself about the children and sends his wife to pick them up and drop them off for visitation. My eldest has AS, ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder and Psychotic Disorder-PDD. When he's mood cycling he can be very difficult. His dad refused to learn how to help him and now refuses to allow him to visit him. Little Guy has digestive disorders that require him to take a lot of medicines. His dad now refuses to allow him to visit because he's not comfortable with the medicines. The meds aren't real complicated or dangerous. At this point he'll allow Middle Son to visit, but I suspect it's only a matter of time until he finds some aspect of his Aspie behavior to use as an excuse not to see him either.

In my ex's case I think it's the social stigma of being "not normal" that bothers him. His own family has a great deal of mental illness which they deny and avoid treatment for resulting into a lot higher level of disability than is probably really necessary. I would like to figure out a way to help my children understand why their Dad is rejecting them and accept it in the least painful and healthiest way possible.

Kiley