Being Lectured to About Your Behavior By A Family Member

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Have you ever been lectured to or criticized about your behavior that gave you the impression you were being talked to like a little kid? Boy I will tell you I am very sensitive to that and really resent it. I think this rubs people on the autism spectrum the wrong way much more so than someone who is NT.

My parents used to and sometimes still do "lecture" me. The thing they do that irks me is that they will talk about me like I am not even in the room. My mom will turn to my dad and say, "Well, what does he need to do... so on so on," instead of just asking me directly. It is like they think that I am incapable of processing or they just like to degrade me. Ever since I got diagnosed they treat me like I am 10 when it comes to virtually everything.

My mom will say to my dad, "What does Alan need to do in order to get insurance," or something along those lines, instead of addressing me directly.

Oh yes, definitely. I get treated like I'm in Kintergarden. My mom always tells me when I should get a hair cut, and my sister tries to tell me how I should dress, and gives me directions on some of the most basic things like doing the dishes. If I act stupid or disagree with her I get lectured and criticized. And I get called stubborn by my family members whenever I don't agree and go along with them on what they think is best for me. They don't even know that I was diagnosed with AS, and I don't know if I should tell them because I'm not sure if it would make things better or worse.

If I play up in public, or I can't cope in a certain situation, my mother says something along the lines of;
"You need to make an effort for other people, the same way that they make an effort for you."
It makes me feel about 5 years old. It doesn't help either. It actually makes me withdraw and ignore her completely.

I think my parent's are natural naggers. I need more liberal parents. Anyone want to trade?

Not so much by family (age matter), but occasionally by my lover: That was unfriendly or too direct to friends or guests. So we arranged a practical solution that I disappear after a certain "politeness period" when he has guests.

Used to be all the time, now on very rare occasions. I am old enough to qualify for "senior discounts" and my mom is almost 90! It's the same old thing--she shouldn't have to "tell" me, I should just "know"; I have the wrong "tone" when I speak; when I answer a question I give too short answers or too long. No, she doesn't know that I have AS. She wouldn't understand, she would blame herself (although I clearly got it from my dad), she's got enough on her plate otherwise. I'm trying to be noble by gritting my teeth when she points out my faults like this, but yes, you're right, it is very irritating.

yes i am the apparently "dysfunctional " member of my family.
i could not care less about what my siblings and their husbands think.

i am adopted, and it was established early that i was not "normal".
my "sisters" all found me to be......cute only. they did not see who i was.

then they got married and their husbands looked at me with contempt.
i could not really give a sh*t about what anyone thinks i should be.

i am better off than them. i live very comfortably, and they are always agonizing over some negative detail that makes their life sour.

if you believe that you are real and that your opinion and outlook are valid, then forget about input from anyone else who is caught up in their paranoia that all modes of unconventional being are doomed to failure.

Not for a few years now, but I used to be. I remember one of the most demeaning occasions was when I was 17 and it was accompanied by a slap on the backside. By far the most patronizing lecturing came later from partners and university professors.

Every day all the time constantly with lots of swearing too.

Nice .

Not so much lectured to, but lectured about. My grandfather was constantly dissatisfied with the way I was developing and was constantly going on about it with my parents...who were in complete denial that I was not quite normal....In fact, many of my older relatives were concerned with the way that I was/am...as I was the black sheep....weird kid in the family

Yes - specifically about my nonsocialness. Other people's demands/expectations of what I "should" do socially has stressed me out for decades. The worst was when, several times over the years, I've been accosted at a family gathering where some drunken relative corners me and wants to know why I'm so "aloof," such an "enigma," need my "space," why don't I "want to bond with them," and so on. I'm talking about multiple relatives here - it's one of the themes of my life.

Of course, the pressure has only made me panicky, pissed off... and more reclusive!

All the time, especially my grandmother who wants me to have friends and a girlfriend more than I ever will. Every time I visit her she suddenly looks at me and goes "you know my friend [name]'s granddaughter is about your age, you 2 should do something fun" and every time I feel like yelling "I don't want you to arrange a playdate, grandma!" but instead calmly say "hahaha, no that's alright grandma. Thanks anyway" and then I finish it with a hug and walk to the kitchen or something.

One of my mom's cousin sat me down once aswell, apparently this was during a time where I was extremely unsympathetic and cold (although I never noticed a change). Although we've barely ever said more than 5 words to eachother at any family get-together's, he felt the urge to come up to me and tell me to stop acting like a child, learn to care about other people and start going out more. If I hadn't been tired I might've argued, but I just agreed and went home.

When I talked to them yes, but this is why I don't talk to them anymore. We had a hard split, partially because what they said no longer mattered.

Today I got told I need to "grow up" that "I don't care" about for example grabbing all the white clothes to do laundry IMO sorry I forgot the small pile in a room or that one or two socks in the floor and IMO sorry for thinking you had to preheat the toaster oven like you do a normal one. I agree I am also sick of being told these things. For me emotionally it makes me feel bad so I tend to retreat to my room. I wish they could just accept that I forget things it's not I don't try (of course there's no passion/interest in waking up dealing with YELPING dogs,doing house chores rinse repeat day in/out)! So I know where you are coming from 100%! !! !! !! !! !

When DIDN'T I? The worst of it would be when I'd go to a family function, and my grandparents would keep saying "did you say hi to (so and so)?" I'd keep asking "why aren't you repeating this to my cousins?", to which I'd get no response.

Then, I'd be reading from some book for our gathering when we were all at the table; some people would be talking amongst themselves cause my family is very rude, and I'd ask them nicely to shut the hell up( not in those words obviously), and my grandparents would give me a dirty look....

Oh yeah, I get it ALOT! Unfortunately since I lost my good job( well, it was a good paying job, the company was unstable as TNT) and had to move back in with my Grandma, I, a 28 year old, am told to go to bed, do not have any say so with what my plans for the next day are, etc. It has gotten worse since my Diagnosis. Now her and my Aunt are nearly as condescending to me as they are towards my 11 year old Cousin and my 12 year old Niece. They act like I should not disagree with anything, nor get mad about some things like being cut in on when I'm trying to explain something. So yeah, It gets irratating, but once I find a good paying, stable job, I'm back to Jacksonville on my own again, free to be as Aspie as I want, at least, when I'm not at work.