Severe Autism

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Hello everyone. I am almost 21. I have severe autism with a high IQ so my diagnosis is autism; I go in between LFA and HFA depending on everything around me. People seem to think that HFA/AS are the same but from my experience they are very different disorders. Reading all of the posts here at Wrong Planet affirms my belief because you are all much more high functioning and different than I am (except for a few, and they have severe/classic/Kanner's autism).

I am very aloof, always have been and probably always will be. I am not interested in other people and am actually quite afraid of them because I don't understand them. The fact that a person has autism doesn't make me understand a person any better, either. I've never had any friends and I still don't. I only want ONE friend, but I haven't found that friend yet.

My mind is pretty much completely void of all social thoughts, of all thoughts of other people, and similar types of topics. I am very much curled into myself, much, much more so than I read about people with Asperger's.

I guess you could say I live in my own world. And as a child I completely lived in my own world, until I had a developmental spurt around 18/19.

I have trouble talking. I say that "words get lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth." I think the medical term is aphasia. I am able to talk but am very poor at it; I much prefer to type.

My language is very associative and metaphorical, so much so I am often the only one who can understand it. I make up my own words and languages and use them in my writing and speech.

I am also quite echolalic and much of my writing and speech is what I have taken from others and other sources.

My brain is completely visual/musical. I have many things here that I am unable to express in words: they are visual/musical thoughts and I am too severely autistic to express these thoughts in words but maybe one day I will be able to. So for now, I create works of art and music.

I "stim" severely, self-injure and engage in other stereotypical severe autism behaviors.

I recieve SSI and have been getting it since childhood. I am unable to hold a job and have never had one but I am now attending Voc Rehab so I can (hopefully!) get a job shelving books in a library, something I would love. I spent a long time in hospitals and institutions; got out at 18. I will never be able to live on my own but I hope to get my own supervised apartment one day (the waiting lists are long).

I would like to write more about my autism so that those who are interested will become more aware of it so that others like me can recieve appropriate treatment.

I have some more on my blog; the link is at the bottom of the page for those who are interested.

Hi Stephanie Lynn,

Welcome to the world of WrongPlanet! You will find that we vary tremendously in degree of autistic severity and functioning level, and we all are shaped by different experiences. We certainly look forward to hearing from you and listening to your perspective.

And who knows, you may even find your friend here at WP. While we are all different, many of us can relate to you, and many of us have the interest and temperament to communicate in whatever way works best.

Again, welcome!

Hi stephanielynnkeil- I will definitely take some more time to read your blog. Wow! How absolutely amazing.

Have you checked out the "Special Silent Forum..... (NV talk)" that is stickied in WP's Haven?

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I am glad you are here. Since I am a Kanner's Autie myself, I can definitely understand where you are coming from. There are a few of us on this forum. Age1600, Kassiane, and me are the three that I am aware of. You might also want to look at http://www.theautismperspective.org. Sharisa Kochmeister, an online friend of mine, is a nonverbal Autie who is editor of that magazine.

Hi Stephanie Lynn, Welcome to Wrong Planet. I am continuing to learn more about and understand Autism and its differences from AS and will read your blog.

I have autism also. I am high functioning I think.

I thought as you did for a bit (except for writing a book; I ain't making money off a disorder, ever). Then I started reading up on the different manifestations of autism from books, rather than using personal anecdotes on the 'net as a bearing.

I see "severe" autism as something where the individual can't type, read and write; profound autism in other words. These people aren't represented much, except for some rare cases.

The person who sold my mother my new medical alert tag has a 16 years old daughter of this manifestation. She can't talk for herself; she can't type, read and write. A goodly portion of those with Autism are of this make, where the other portion has HFA.

Around 60% of those with HFA are still living in institutions with high level support needed; these people aren't "profound" or "severe" in any sense of the word when compared to the spectrum.

I am amazed at your mind, your expressiveness, and the immense struggle you describe to function in a world dominated by a very different neurology.

Do you blog daily? I'll definitely be reading it.

ahem.

everyone ..

JESUS H FREAKIN CHRIST LOOK AT THIS GIRL'S ART ! !! !! !

Stephanie's Art


I think you have a bright future as a working artist.

Dayam.

Hello Stephanie, I loved your blogs and your artwork is beautiful. I can relate to a lot of what you said...I like listening to the birds talk as well, music is to me a 'real' language.
Namaste.

Hi stephanie.

I work in a library. It's pretty good. I do cataloguing and stuff, which is pretty thrilling for me. It is a bit social sometimes though.

I was diagnosed with AS, but I can relate to some of what you said. There are many things that I cannot express in words either, even though other people consider me to be good with words & writing. What I really can't express is feeling, because I don't really have the same feelings as other people, and I'm not very aware of the feelings either, at least not until long after they've passed. My reactions to certain things are delayed.

I also do art.

I will read your blog.