Is this how others feel?

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I've never been diagnosed with AS, but I think I might have it. I've thought about seeing a professional, but I'm afraid I won't be taken seriously. I'd like to be reasonably sure about what's wrong with me before I march into that office.

Body language means nothing to me unless I sit down and think about it, and even then it's only based on past observations and things I've read. My own body language also isn't appropriate, and I always sit strangely, preferring positions that stress or stretch various muscles or joints. (strange?)

My emotions are really very primitive--and very intense. I come off as very dry, impersonal, and logical, but that's really just a way for me to contain my feelings. When I watch sad movies, I want to cry. If people don't like me, I want so badly to understand why and to fix it. When I like someone, it's so intense it's almost like I love them. When I dislike someone, it's like they're the devil incarnate. I don't know how to temper it. I don't know how to express it appropriately, so I always fall back on logic or make a failed attempt to describe what I'm feeling rationally. The best I can do is tell someone what I feel. I can't show them. My emotions are terrifying.

I can pass as normal for short periods of time, but putting on that mask is SO draining, and the more people there are, the harder it is. If I'm around them for too long, I just start to shut down. I get quiet, tired, and irritable. Then, when I'm finally alone, I fall asleep, totally exhausted, even if it's only for an hour or two.

I'm also very obsessed with different subjects and concepts. Sometimes it's science, sometimes computers, sometimes a game... there's always something that more or less consumes my thoughts.

Does this sound like AS to you, or do you think it might be something else? I know it's not normal.
I'm particularly interested in the opinions of those who have actually been diagnosed.

I think the special obsessions and not enjoying socialization at all are the key things that mean you have AS or HFA and not anything else.

I can think of no other mental disorder where people, even at a very young age, spend hours a day learning about one (or several) specific subjects. When I was 7 my mom bought me a picture encyclopedia of birds and a would read it cover to cover every day.

When my 2nd grade teacher asked the class to write a short paper about our favorite subject I wrote a 3 page paper (granted with my terrible & larger handwriting) about my foremost obsession: the Turkey Vulture. I got in front of the class and told about it's size, life span, migration range and patterns, time of year for breeding & nesting, etc. That's not exactly 2nd grade stuff

Hehe. In 2nd grade, I was obsessed with space and the solar system. I got my mom to buy me a nice telescope, and almost every book on space they had at the book fairs. They stuck me in a 6th grade classroom while they were off on a field trip(I didn't do any homework--far too busy reading about space), and they were coincidentally having a test on the solar system. I asked if I could participate for fun, and I finished first and had 100%. So I definitely get what you're saying.

What about the emotion thing? That's something that worries me. Do you experience anything like that?

I'm not Aspie, although my son is, and I have a fair number of traits myself.

The emotional thing sounds pretty Aspie to me, particularly as it seems that you experience extremes of emotions which you find difficult to moderate. Is that what you mean?

If so, then that type of "all or nothing" or "black and white" thinking is often a part of Asperger's. I went to a group for parents organised by my son's Speech and Language Therapist, and we discussed the concept of "grading" as a way of helping to recognise, and moderate emotional responses.

I also find it difficult to express my emotions, and don't think I experience the wide range of emotions that "normal" people do and which they find so easy to express and share with each other. I intellectualise things in a way which makes perfect sense to me, but which other people apparently find quite cold and "off-topic".

You definitely sound AS to me.

I have this too, I always wondered why I always had to have either pressure on me or pull something taut..

I'm rolling my head in an exaggerated circle as I type this, trying to pull my neck muscles taut...

Well, thank you three for your feedback. I appreciate it.

Does anyone have any suggestions about how to find a doctor willing to consider AS?
Don't get me wrong--I'm not after a doctor just for the diagnosis. I just don't want to wind up with a doctor who won't consider it. Last time I saw someone, the counselor and psychiatrist both decided I had ADHD. That just doesn't fit, and neither did the meds. I don't want a repeat of that experience.

About the like/dislike people thing, I feel like when I meet someone that I really like, I can say that I love them instantly....they just crawl into my heart really fast and easily. I don't know why!! I love the underdog. I recently did a documentary on the homeless, and actually still keep in touch with one of the young girls I interviewed. I instantly clicked with her and we're just friends now. I just like weird people. "Normal" people just don't get me.

When I dislike someone it's like everything they do is wrong. lol. I'm weird like that.

Me neither. Why go if you already know? Spend the money on a car or a vacation.



Body language is an issue for me too, apparently. I know nothing that I haven't read or been told, but I am still weird anyway. I sit funny, hold silverware funny. I have no image of how others see me and I always feel weird. It's like a numb area for me.



I have been told I come on too strongly, a regulation problem. I love people or feel very uncomfortable at times. I have said "I feel different" Or funny, or good, or happy, very primitive or nondescript when I put it into words. I can be very satisfied when someone gives me food, and this was pretty much the extent of my social interaction as an undergraduate.



I can be "normal" for approximately an hour or two. After that, I space out, lose my ability to stay "with it" and have been mistaken for high or intoxicated. I have been called "antisocial" and "can't relate". I fall asleep after a few hours with family. I never understood why I get tired around people until I learned that this is experienced by aspies. I have been irritable around people too.



Me too.

sgrannel:
I think I just need the validation. Then, at least, when it's relevant... I can honestly say that I have Asperger's Syndrome without feeling like I'm not telling the whole truth. And that, right there, is a lot better than being so obviously strange without any kind of explanation.

Apparently, every time we get new office workers at work, everyone asks my boss what's up with me. They think something is seriously wrong with me, and he has to assure them that I'm not the devil and perfectly capable of doing my job. I guess most people eventually come around, but some never do. (like our current HR manager)

It's very stressing having some nameless problem that sets me apart from everyone around me. I mean I knew I was skittish and a little odd, but I never realized how bad it was until my boss told me that. I'd been working here for four years, totally oblivious to the effect I had on people.

For me, I think the first step toward coping with that is getting a real diagnosis. Once I do that, maybe I can start talking to a counselor or find some kind of support group where I can meet people who will understand me a little better. I'm not content living with few friendships, and quite frankly, I'm tired of being lonely. I'm certainly not capable of talking to random strangers well enough to meet anyone.


PrincessMR1899: Sounds just like me. Have you ever noticed an ability to empathize with and understand "crazy" people better than normal folks? I'm talking about bipolar individuals, people with major depression, just... anything but normal. I've been sort of a crazy magnet in the past.