How can I convince my mom to get me to function independentl

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jimmister
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27 May 2009, 3:30 pm

Just like the title says. My mom isn't really always on the ball with everything. In this seminar class a teacher held in 9th grade, we learned to do finances, but that info didn't stick with me. Sometimes, AS leads me to think that I should drop my religious faith. Are there any aspies who live a completely independent lifestyle, I know there are, but I just need advice on doing finances, etc. I don't think my mom really helps me all that much. Oh, and I need a technique to make sure it stays in my head.



rainbowbutterfly
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27 May 2009, 6:03 pm

There might be junior college or community education courses that you can take on financial independence. Also, it could be helpful if you get involved with a disability job placement agency. If you get involved with one, then there's a good chance that they could train you about that kind of information. Though, I'm not sure, but I think you at least need to be 18 years old to be involved with job placement services.



OregonBecky
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01 Jun 2009, 7:09 pm

My son is in his early 20's. There are some things he's way behind on compared to NTs but some things he's way ahead on. I see my role, as his mom, is to keep him from getting discouraged, reminding him that meltdowns happen and they just give him more practice on what to do when he has one. I remind him of how far he's come and not to push harder than his temperament can handle. I am an invisible safety net, too, when I see he's moving ahead and too distracted to see that he messed up somewhere else.

He's steadily progressing. I don't think he's ever be completely independent but he'll know enough to get help before he gets in over his head with the problems that come up in life.

Since I'm on the spectrum, too and the only diagnosis I had for myself before they widened the ADS scope, was Misfit Toy, I learn a lot about myself and am doing much better with my own life as I learn from helping him.


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Callista
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01 Jun 2009, 8:27 pm

One thing that seems to work is to write down the procedure for a new task, so you can follow a step by step list. Do you get any sort of special education? If so, can you talk to the teacher about making plans to transition to the workplace or to college once you graduate? You're in high school, and it's definitely time you started planning. You might have to get on your mom's case about it, too. If you have an IEP (I am assuming United States here), transition planning needs to be on it. You may have to start making waves yourself, if your mom won't pitch in.

I'm not completely independent, but I do live on my own. Plenty of people hold jobs and provide for themselves. It may not happen at 18--though it might--and if it doesn't, it doesn't mean it won't. I'm 26 now and I think I will be completely independent by 30.

Don't let them say you "can't" do something. You may have to do it differently, or take a while to learn, but "can't" is almost never the case; even when it is, you can generally still hire someone to do it for you, so it needn't stop you from being independent.


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mikemmlj
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01 Jun 2009, 11:04 pm

I am 38 and my mom comes to my house every 3 months and "fixes my life" I am trying to learn some coping techniques but realistically as Dirty Harry said: "A Man's gotta know his limitations."


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