ever since you were an adult your life just got worse?

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I was so happy, loving and affectionate, really bright, confident, creative healthy and everyoner liked me when i was younger..

as i grew up things got harder and harder, i coudnt adpet, just too sensitive. now i am lonley, misunderstood, drug addiction, sex adddiction, frightned and unconfident, so much rejection made me feel so bad inside....

i feel like ive been blessed with many gifts, but i ve no idea who or what i am supposed to be.......... i just want to love and everyone i like and be creative in life yet theree seems to be so many obsticles in life that provide such compelling reasons to go and hide as life seems to be about fear now...

I often feel so strongly to give up but i cant as i love my parents too much and i just have to survive..

does anyone out there feel the same...

Yes. Not with the drugs and sex bit, but with the lost bit.

Although I keep thinking my childhood was better in retrospect, but it probably wasn't. I had a real sense of identity when I was a child, and passions about things that made me happy (both of which I lack now), but I was also constantly bullied and tormented simply for existing, whereas now that doesn't happen because I have developed my adaptation skills to prevent it.

I just graduated college and I sort of feel like I've been booted out of a moving train or something. D: D: D: No job or anything yet and the months are starting to creep by. So yeah, I kind of feel you, but I don't think I've been in it as long as you have. It would be so much easier to just be a kid or even a dog or something and people could just order me around. OTL
But I know there has to be a technique to it. We just have to figure it out. It can't be TOO hard. Just try different things, right?; Everything has a technique.

Same here, though things didn't get super bad until I was 16, that's when eeeeeverything went downhill. And there still hasn't been any change.
Though I don't have/never had a drug addiction. Just that I can cope with very little these days.

Things started going downhill for me at age 25. That was when lack of people skills started causing me to lose opportunities for advancement in studies, profession, finances, friendships, social belonging, everything. Ever since then, things have been going worse and worse for the last 22 years. Nowadays, as you say, rather than love and creativity, my life is driven by fear. Of destitution, mainly.

thats me too... i have no self identity now, its the worst feeling, i feel empty... i did have a very very strong indentity and i was very popular... but my indenity was based around me beign a playboy who had he own buisness... after i burnt out i realsied i had no idea who/what i am and keeping up that identity was hard work.

its just seems how will the world accpet me now.....

oh man, my parents left Uk when i was 16 and finsihing A-levels, i thought it was the best thing ever to have so much freedom! but if i look back wow been booted out of a moving train.......exactly, ive never been stable after that//

I knwo what you mean about technique, i keep thinking that, i had one, it made me lots of money, ihad a very sexy gf, i travelled around etc.. but i think what we need is the opersite of technique its more like just letting it flow without getting involved, flow from within.

For me, adulthood has been better than childhood, but then again, my childhood was my own personal hell.

Still, it hasn't lived up to what I hoped for either.

awful isnt it... makes me want to cry... the only reason to be alive is too express ones self and be in a state of creation with your enviroment.... otherwise there no self expression without fear..

my life is driven by fear, fear of being alone or ending up dead somewhere or just not realising my potential...

Here's a weird reply for you. I spend a lot of time thinking about stuff. You could say I'm obsessed with it. Maybe this thought will help or manybe you'll just think I'm nuts but I'll toss it out to you-

I see my hopefully about 70 or 80 years of alotted time on this planet as a vacation. When you get down to the bear bones science of things you don't know who or what you were, if anything, before you were born and you don't truely know where your going after you die. (Maybe you do go to a heaven, and if so, heaven is not here). But what you do know is the here and now so you might as well make the most of it.

Example- When you know your going on vacation (or on holiday for our european friends) next month for 4 days to someplace you haven't been to and will probably not go back to you prepare for the trip right? You plan out what you really want to see or do and figure out if you can afford it. If you discover it's going to rain while your there you might need to have back up plan.

Well, in my opinion, life works the same way just on a much larger scale. Don't piss your life away. Make the most out of it cause you only get one (so far as we know).

Then you arrive at your travel destination and there's a sign at the entrance: "No Aspies allowed" and you sit outside wondering what the hell you're doing there.

never bad advise to hear that!

My adult life is a lot harder. As a young child, my family allowed my independence because I was intelligent, where they were not bossy and the only thing they had control over was my social life(I had none anyway so that was easy). If something was to stressful for me, they would encourage me to take a break and have fun. They did not dwell on my disability as much and allowed me to grow. they focused on what i can do, and if I told that i can not do it, they would listen.
Now that I am an adult, they do not see me as an intelligent person, but instead as a "ret*d' person who is not independent. I always had taken care of myself because I had all of my independent skills since I was 13, but because of my disability, they doubted my independence and think I can not handle it on my own, even though they know I could have done it on my own before that. they think that my disability is worsen and not gotten better. They have the attitude that my disability would get worse and that I would not be as independent as I was as a child. Reality is that the older you get the more independent you are, no matter what.
My mom made me do all of the thing that I can not do with my disability,like work and/or go to school, when i was not ready. She said that I was too disabled to do all of the things that I can do,like take care of myself, live on my own without help. The autism agency did the same thing.All of the things that Asperger's affects, they said do not affect me and all of the things that I am great at, which it does not affect, I am too disabled to do. ironically the things that I am good at(independence, making decisions, and being on my own) are things that an agency and/or family need to control in order to control you. All of the things I ahve trouble with(dealing with people, working with people and all of the Asperger's problems) are things that are needed for my family to be ahppy and get my to take care of their needs,and things that the agency needs from me to put up with the other clients abuse and to let them control me.
Pretty much, in my childhood I had control over my life and lived my life for myself, where everyone respected who I am. In my adulthood, I was forced to be controlled and give into other people's demands and needs, and I feel that I am not living for myself, but I am living to give other people their needs. Basically I am a doormat.

I was never popular (in fact I was badly bullied), but I had a strong sense of identity centered around my special interests mainly, and I guess in part my family.
For almost a year ending a month or two ago (after a massive shutdown/breakdown) I went though the whole "popular" phase - but even at its peak I never felt that sense of identity I had when I was young and identified with my interests. It was hard work, and I also burnt out.

u just need a goals not large ones but goals like saved enough for car been out of drugs 2 days and get some small reward etc im not judgin u and i know its easy to say this when your not one hooked up...try get out of drugs doctors can help with problems give meds etc hope things improve for u

Then you sneak in through the back!