I am the Unabomber

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I have moved from the city to a commuter suburb which is a little like a small town. In the city I found nobody I could talk to. Always passing different people and not meeting them again. The smaller town has been much better because I see the same people and even with poor social skills I eventually get to recognise people.

I started going to a local cocktail bar. The staff were friendly (well they are paid to be friendly). So there I was pretending to be normal as best I could. My first problem was the boyfriend of one of the bar staff was sure I was hitting on his girlfriend. Given I don't know how to hit on anybody I must have broken some unwritten NT rule. Of course nothing was said in words, just wordless intimidation and stalking. I found out later she was a bit conning and viewed customers with a bit of contempt behind a fake smile. He was 'the jealous type' and arrogant to everybody. I suspect the boyfriend wanted to prove his manhood and wanted a victim. And someone isolated is a good choose for bullying as we learnt in school. Anyway they have gone now.

Now I'm told that one group has nicknamed me "The Unabomber" because "it's always the quiet ones". I only found this out after 'coming out' to a bar staff. So my attempts at pretending to be normal don't score too well. Lesson is some people will be quick to pick you out as a victim. Others take a little more time. With no "social proof" and always being alone you have to thread your way carefully. The bullying doesn't stop at the playground.

Also one guy I have been able to converse with has started the social dominance. Treating me like a fool and judging me negatively. It took him a little while but once he spotted the social vulnerability associated with Asperger's he started boosting his ego at my expense.

What to do. Well I've gotten sick of hiding and come out to the bar staff but not to anyone else. I asked them how many of them detected any 'quirks' and two admitted they did. I need more practice. The great thing about diagnosis or self-diagnosis is the awareness of what is happening and why. Been practicing the eye contact thing and it makes such a huge difference to how people react. Now I can recognise "small talk" for what it is. Still have difficulty analysing the hidden agenda behind the small talk and responding in the best way on the spot.

Playing NT games is fun.

Drinking alone is much better in my mind. No silly social and bothersome people to deal with. But it looks like you've been cursed with the need to go out and be around people, good luck with that.

I'm happy that I'm introverted and aloof/passive.

Get your skinny behind out of that bar - the staff are not your friends and everyone there are LOSERS!! !! !!

Join a volunteering group, meetup.com, local AS support group, or events, find a job, go to a COFFEESHOP!! !! !! ! but get the heck out of that shi*hole. Alcoholism makes Asperger's WORSE!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

Too true Learning2Survive and I've lost the brain cells to prove it.

It's a time-honored tradition -- using the bartender as a shrink. They're probably no better or worse than a regular shrink. Both sell consolation, drugs and a seemingly sympathetic ear.

But I think Learning2Survive is right. Find a group with a focus.
Or find a way to help someone in the neighborhood, even if no one acknowledges it as "volunteer work."

I was an alcoholic depressed socially incompetent bartender for 15 years.

I ewally hate drinkng,I only drink when I feel peer preasured or really comfortable, the taste for e literally taste of sterlising equpment in myopinion I don't like being drunk but in all matterof choices I would drink alone I hat meeting random people especally

That defies all the stereotypes. How can that be? Why did they keep you?


Speaking of the Unabomber, I read his manifesto. A case study in a brilliant but isolated mind.
http://cyber.eserver.org/unabom.txt
Columbine guys thread -- http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt72712.html

It was an unusual place http://www.facebook.com/pages/Richmond- ... 267?ref=nf
I was functional-I never missed work.
I had been hiding my depression since my teens.
Everyone there was odd.

If you try to become an NT, you'll never be one. In fact, you cannot turn yourself into an NT, even with alcohol.
Just be yourself, and like Learning2Survive said, find a group with the right people where you will fit in.

I also find small town life a revelation in that it's easier to recognise people, or in any event, they recognise you and attempt to include you, most people here are half crazy anyway so being odd isn't a hanging offence in the way it is in some cities.

Generally drunks get more evil the longer they've been on the stuff, but I found it useful to mix with 'bibers' when I was young, and I recall 'Fuzzy' (another member) did quite well socially through being a regular at a bar.

Just dont' get hooked on the stuff.

*puts on his invisible troll cap

You sure you are not the Uniboner?

Uniboner is my porn star name.

And "Have you ever been nicknamed The Unabomber or similar" should be a double points question in the Aspie Quiz.

I know what you mean. I stick out like a sore thumb, especially in small towns.

I imagine you know that most bartenders and waitresses will flirt with you to get bigger tips. The boyfriend was likely just insecure like most guys. I am not sure if I would have outed myself if I was you, but I am interested in how they end up treating you in the future.

You should get a t-shirt saying "The Unabomber" to mess with them. I find bars, if they aren't noisy, to be a good experience in small doses. Just keep your expectations low and try to relax and enjoy the atmosphere.

What the...aww damn it, I was hoping it'd be for real so I could ask for an autograph.

Meanie

Unabomber tends to be an American cultural name, though evidently the name is also used in Australia. Not here, I've never heard the term here. I've certainly been made to feel in a similar way in this country though, in suburbs and small towns.

My suspicion is it's to do with populations there being a) more homogeneous and b) more settled in that place, therefore being more of a whole against which people who appear different stand out. I've come to realise it's better for Aspies to live among more cosmopolitan populations which might be more transient. Suitable for Aspies also is that this also gives more anonymity, often cited as a benefit of living in such areas.