Who has DESPERATELY tried to fit in at times in their life?

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Pondering this came out of a consideration of another thread. I am wondering...who here has at one time or another in their life, tried desperately to fit in with the world, only to be bitterly hurt or disappointed over and over again?
Some here may never have tried. They may not have wanted to, or alternatively, it may never have occurred to them.
Others may have tried and tried, only to feel that deep sense of being different - the square peg in a round hole analogy.

I know I tried at different times and always ended up kind of terrified and/or scapegoated...as if more ruthless people had a kind of radar for my sensitivities and cluelessness. This led to a lifetime of suicidal preoccupation, some attempts too. Most of my interactions with the world these days are tinged with this fear that it will or may happen again, just as it always does.

Over the past weeks I am noticing that i am - for th first time in my life - losing that constant sense of not belonging, of exclusion, and of wanting to die because i do not know how ot fit in with the world.


So, who has tried at fitting in and who hasn't?
Anyone been preoccupied with the inability to do so?
And even though I used to try, I never wanted to change who i intrinsically was.......never the twain met.....

I tried when I was 14, we went on a school field trip over the weekend. The entire time I inniated conversations, I showed interest, I participated in physical activities with them and I was misserable the whole time.
On the last day I apparently said something wrong to one of the popular kids and everyone shunned me. So my efforts were in vain, I decided I wouldn't pretend anymore and I moved on with my life.

I used to try hard to fit in when I was younger. I tried to fit in with people at school and the "cool" kids. I dont think I ever failed miserably, however I never felt like I belonged where I was. I was always worried about what people thought about me. Now I just dont care anymore. I am just going to be myself and if anybody has a problem with that then, with all due respect, f*ck em.

Oh my yes... when my book comes out, hopefully... I have a whole section in there about that

For the past couple of years, I basically lived a lie and made everyone think I was a left-wing communist revolutionary.

The reason was that I couldn't find any conservative people who had the same interests and beliefs as me, and if I had told the truth and said I was conservative, the liberals who shared my interests would think I was bigoted and intolerant, and wouldn't want anything to do with me.

I constantly struggled to fit in as a preteen. I hated myself for not being able to learn to be normal.

Aged about 13, I couldn't take it any more. I decided I'd just be proud of my weird, oddly fragmented personality.

I tried in late elementary school when it started to get hard to be with my peers and be friends with them. I started to get singled out and it got worse every year and as months went by and by the time I was in 6th grade, I had zero friends in school in my grade. They just grew up faster than I and I was left behind. I tried making new friends when I first moved to Montana so I was giving out my phone number to everyone but neither of them called. I eventually made some friends but we didn't have anything in common. It was only on the playground during lunch time. Then when I was 16, I tried to have girls from my softball team come over to my house but they never did, few of them said they would but they never got to it. I bet they were just saying it to be nice when they could have told me up front they aren't interested in coming over because they don't have anything in common with me and they aren't into video games. I eventually gave up trying to get friends because they didn't have anything in common with me. They were all boring. Then I learned what I had in the past were my aqquantences than friends. I actually thought I had friends when I was 17 in class because I talked to them and they talked to me but my mother told me that isn't friendship because so we do anything outside of school? Lot of aspies make that error. Lot of them think when they talk to people at school, they think they are their friends. Now I know the difference between friends and aqquantences.

I do better if people just come to me than me coming to them.

That would describe me perfectly.

In my first 26 years I hadn't heard about AS. For almost as long I knew I was different. It never occurred to me that there could be a reason for it, I was just different, period, and it frustrated me to no end that people couldn't just leave me alone.
I never wanted to be like the people around me, I never thought about trying to fit in. I liked myself just fine. It sent me into rage when someone tried to push me into being someone I wasn't. I never complied. It always ticked me off that when someone could blame it on culture, disability or religion, they could differ as much as they wanted, but I who just was different wasn't allowed to be respected for it. Why couldn't they just get off my case and realise that not everyone is the same way, even if they are of the local ethniticity and (assumed) normal. I demanded the right to be introverted and aloof.

Finding out about AS and eventually being diagnosed has given me way more insight, but I don't feel any differently about this issue.

My teen years were spent pushing that boulder uphill.
Then I was fairly comfortable in my skin and wondering why people called me weird.
In the last few years, thanks to articles and posts on WP, I have come to realize why people think I'm weird. I still think I am not weird, but I can understand why non-aware people might think so. All I can do is feel sorry for people who are unable to understand anything beyond their tiny world.

I've always done this. I always felt a bit like the odd one out, but I tried to fit in all the time. I'd try to act normal, hang out with people, do normal things. I always had some success, and I've managed to get some friends around me quite a few times, but it never lasted long, and I always later ended up back where I was.

I've decided that I can change myself, but ultimately I'll never reach the point where it 'clicks' and suddenly I'm like everyone else - which is what I previously thought would happen.

I tried hard for years but the last 5 years I haven't tried and the last 2-3 years I even felt happy and liberated about my situation. I love being myself. Somedays I wake up and just feel like shouting out my happiness over being free, accepting myself, not having to deal with the opression of society, school, work etc and just focus on my own life.

Last edited by Zoonic on 28 May 2009, 7:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nope, I never feel into that trap. I did what I wanted to do and only talked when I felt it was necessary.

In high school, I attempted to conform. Once. I was not good at it and it turned out badly, so I quit bothering.

I did so many things in my life, looking for a place I belonged. Even if I was accepted, I never really belonged. I did so many different things, hoping they would make me fit in or at least make people leave me alone, and it was all for naught. I never understood it until I figured out I had Aspergers. Then it all made sense.

I tried that my freshman year, and part of my sophomore year of high school. That was a disaster. When I made real friends, I began to hate the people who rejected me.
Recently, it's all come back again, as one of the people who rejected me and was also rude to my friends, tried to friend me on Facebook. I honestly don't know what was going through her head, so I set her straight and reminded her that we were never friends, and to piss off.
I like being weird and geeky. And I do have people who appreciate it.

Nope. I've always done my best to not draw attention to myself; whilst this will have the appearance of trying to act "normal", it's for the simple reason that I didn't want to stand out as I just wanted to be left alone.