Do I have Aspergers? Do you relate to any of these things?

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Hi everyone

Just found this forum and it looks really interesting! Since I started working with people with learning difficulties in an activity centre I've started to wonder if I have Autism or Aspergers. I've always felt a bit weird and different to everyone else, but never really knew why.

Since I began I instantly bonded with the autistic and aspergers users, feeling a connection with them. I'm the only member of staff who'll listen to them talk on and on about their obsessions, if the other staff heard some of our conversations they'd think I was mad! But to me it's fun and interesting. I like that they never ask me personal questions and I find they have a brilliant and absurd sense of humour that I completely relate to. I find them hilarious and we have a great laugh. I've also managed to connect to and get things out of the more quiet users who just keep their head down for the other staff. I discovered somehow (almost seemed psychic) that one of them who keeps his head down the whole time found it amusing if I covered up my face and then reappeared, over and over again. Might seem odd, but it's the first time he's ever smiled and laughed for anyone in the centre.

Those users always want to work with me and I some find I enjoy their company more than my fellow staff. I feel more comfortable around them a lot of the time.

I think I like them too because I recognise and relate to a lot of their behaviour in myself. Could I be Aspergers? Autistic? Here's some things about me.

My emotions run incredibly deep and I'm very much in tune with them and any tiny changes. Sometimes I can go from quite low to ecstatically happy in seconds... often I have no idea why I'm feeling this or that way, but I've come to realise a lot of it is to do with the things or people I'm surrounded by. I seem to be incredibly sensitive to atmosphere and everything around me. For some reason I have a thing about cranes (the machines, not the birds) and if I see one I feel instantly happy, or if I see 2 colours together that look amazing (could be on a car, phonebox, anything) I feel filled with joy. I can be walking down a certain street and just think "this feels wrong..." and go down another road and feel happy with whats around me. I also overanalyse my emotions too much, I find it hard to just 'be'

Even though my emotions can be all over the place and hugely intense I have trouble expressing them to others. Most just think I'm carefree or happy, but they have no idea what's going on inside me as I've learned to hide things well. Whenever I've expressed sadness or negative emotions it always comes out wrong and I end up looking nuts. Even when something upsetting happens like someone dying I can rarely physically cry, even when I REALLY want to... I just feel the pain inside my body.

Atmosphere and my surroundings is important to me. Sometimes when I'm in a cafe I'll move around on various chairs until I get the perfect place that just feels 'right' I try to limit this when I'm company! Also, if my alarm clock doesn't go off I can always tell it's a different times just by really subtle things like the birds singing less, a very slight change in temperature to normal or a bit more light. It just 'feels' different.

I see beauty in things other people would find ugly or dull. Things like building sites, areas that are very industrial, cranes, train stations, mobile masts, street lights, skyscrapers, car lights, metal things etc... there's one train station that I love, I tried to post a picture but it wont let me for 5 days due to spammers. When I go to this station and see all the metal and industrial wasteland everywhere I look at it in awe, especially if there's a grey moody looking sky with it. When I was a child I used to gaze out my window at some gas works and factory surrounded by the lovely street lights and feel hugely emotional. I didn't know why I felt that way or how to explain it, but it moved deeply. I do find some traditionally beautiful things lovely as well, like sunsets, flowers and animals.

My social skills are OK at the moment, but I'm in my late 20s and it's taken me years to get here. I've learned to cover up a lot of weirder aspects of my personality. I have to feel really comfortable around someone to open up. I'm a VERY good judge of character and can soon tell if someone's nice or if they have the potential to hurt me. If I think it's the latter I'll just close up. Once I trust someone I'll show them who I am more, but some of the weirder things (like my love of cranes!) I'll always keep to myself.

I have noticed I'm always drawn towards 'weird' or unusual people. If someone is TOO normal, serious and mundane I feel very uncomfortable and nervous around them. Probably because I know I'm unusual and these sorts can be very judgemental and closed minded. I never know what to say around very sensible, grown up and ordinary people. I always like the underdogs and the ones that don't fit in.

I have very few friends and am comfortable in my own company. The few friends I have I just meet up once in a while for coffee. I've never had the kind of friendship where you could just talk on the phone for hours or call them up at any time to go see them, though I've longed to experience such a deep relationship. I've noticed at work I tend to connect better with people older than me a lot of the time too. I am in my 20s, but often the people I like best are in their 30s, 40s or 50s. I think cause younger people judge you more and a lot of them just want to get drunk all the time and be nasty to one another. Many weekends are just spent on the internet, exploring the streets, sitting in coffee shops with my books/papers, people watching or just looking at the world around me.

If I do socialise lots and have loads of people around me, I like to lock myself away for the day and not leave the home. Just to escape from the madness around the world and take in everything that's just happened.

I HATE it when people ask about my weekend at work! I usually just make something up. I don't like personal questions in general unless I really trust the person.

I am very sensitive to noises. I can tell roughly what time it is in the morning by the amount of birds singing and the amount of traffic outside. I hear things far far away like trains which other people can't hear. I HATE the sound of car horns beeping. I had to move out of my last flat because the people walking around above me caused me so much distress. It wasn't there fault, they were just living normally, but I found it utterly upsetting and noisy... couldn't sleep at all.

I'm not spontaneous AT ALL and like to plan everything ahead. If I'm out with someone and they suddenly want to go do something completely different on impulse I'll go along with it, but will find it very annoying unless it's something I find easy or enjoyable. My worst nightmare is when someone just turns up at my house with no forewarning! I'm not always dressed how I want to be, look like a scruff or I'm engrossed in something else... go away! I will often turn the lights off and hide.

I'm terrible at making decisions, even really simple ones like what to have for lunch or what to do on the weekend. Find it hard to figure out what do first. Sometimes it can be really stressful and annoying.

I love things to be orderly and neat, yet I'm dreadful at keeping things organised. I really try hard, but everything goes to disarray when I get ingrossed on the internet or something or other. Then when it gets too much I'll go on a mad tidy up.

If I read about humans being tortured or abused I can do so feeling almost completely neutral. I've never found it enjoyable or had the urge to do anything like that, but I just find it fascinating to read about from the third person, thinking about what drives someone to do that, how all the people were feeling, what the abusers childhood had been like etc... however if I read about animals being tortured I feel incredibly upset and depressed. I also feel more empathy for baby animals than baby humans who just bore me and annoy me their terrible cries.

I'm very fussy about the clothes I wear and how they feel on my body. I'm happiest when I'm wearing a certain coat and walk with my hands in the pockets of it. I always feel great when I'm in that one. My nightmare clothes is a shirt and tie done up right to the top... hate it. Also I have a ring I've worn since I was 15 and I feel I HAVE to wear it every single day. On the few days I've forgotten to put it on I've felt naked and it's massively affected my confidence! I just wanted to hide away from everyone!

I could go on, but this thread's WAY too long already! Haven't even spoken about my routines. :p And there's other threads where I can write more about things I relate to. Does my behaviour sound more like Aspergers or Autism and does anyone recognise bits in themselves?

Yes. You probably have some form of High-functioning Autism, but what type I don't know. Possibly Aspie.

What about eye contact, social skills, lying? Anything about that?

That is somewhat interesting but it sounds a bit of you're noticing possable traits but the thing that strikes out is your social skills which are somewhat higher up than most aspies. It's very tough to callI cannot say personally but it would be a better judgment with a senior member as they have seen more posts. I'm autstic / aspie diagnosis stage but I am most likely going to be cleared as there is lost of autism in my family.

Personally, now take it not too to heart but I have been aspie and grown up with aspies for almost 5 years now and it doesn't really sound like it or they are too mehish I'll explain why.

Your social skills are curious but I don't think too aspieish, a aspie and take it from me in my experience i terrfied or dreads interactio furstly for several reasons
continuing conversation that have little or none of interest a general autistic response would be "ok..." and wander off.

ow your first paragraph about emotions is interesting because some aspies are very over reactive with their emotions or cannot handle them however the thing about death is that aspergers means you would feel nothing at all and in my own experiences have felt nothing and wondered why people are crying even though they knew they were dying it seemed.illogical. To the kid who kept laughing an aspie wuld probably think WHAT THE HELL and most likely be offended so I think he was heavily autistic. sorry if it sounds harsh guys
Another point is with AS an aspie would often or sometimes say things not intentially offensive or rude or for example if it was a secret an blurt it out with no intention of harm just because we have high morals and don't understand social codes. your emootions do sound aspie though

however with things like cafe an aspie trait would be either to find a corner and go away from human staring , hehe my approach or not approach it at all. but the temperature thing is interesting

AH BUT i NOTICED YO SAID A HUGE JUDGE OF CHARACTER, ASPIES DO NOT KNOW HOW TO JUDGE OR PREDICT PEOPLE MOST OF US FIND IT REALLY HARD TO UNDERSTAND THEIR EMOTIONS OR THEIR INTEions sorry for the caps

I suggest the book aspergers a guide by tony attwood or for your specialist teaching freaks geeks and aspergers. I think you don't have it just by most of your evidence provided well some of it hehe but please don't leave us here a teacher's input would be most interesting

welcme to the fold
Stevee

You could do but its really hard to judge a lot of things are aspish but some aren't

AGGGHHHHHHHH help alex heh

hope you have luk this post is baffling me because I want to see what senior posters think, I find it fascinating somewhat as I grew up with aspies and being one myself psychology is one of my interests and I want to see what others think

I think I am on the fence with this but the jury may alter me if they pvide evidence either way you have little to lose hehe gratz on the job by the way specialist teaching is very rewarding

My eye contact is poor, I never know where to look or end up just staring straight at them. But generally my social skills have improved over the years, though I feel like I'm acting and repressing myself a great deal, something I've learned to do. When I was at school I had no boundaries and was bullied for it, so I learned to shut up more. I often want to smile when it's not appropriate. But yeah, I'm good at reading peoples intentions and don't have problems with facial expressions.

But my social skills aren't bad. It seems almost like I have fairly NT social skills, but lots of other Aspie traits. I can definitely relate to the obsessions too. I love cranes and trains. I'm gonna fill out the Aspie quiz to help me understand this better.

Last edited by Starman64 on 27 Jun 2009, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The other thing I meant to mention was that I used to eat exactly the same breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. I did this until I was 23 when I got IBS so had to switch up my diet a bit, but it's still quite samey. Often I'll buy the same clothes in various different colours too.

Back to the quiz.

Yes indeed you do have things that sound aspie-ish, have you done the online test, they are a reasonable guide as to whether you might want to go for something more formal.

My husband is like you in that he has many autie/aspie traits including hypersensitivity and special interests, but can function socially. He is a good judge of character and can have normal conversations and read other people, but as an introvert it is tiring for him to do. He also has the sense of humor more like an Aspie than an NT. AFAIK, he'd probably be diagnosed High Functioning Autistic rather than Aspie because he did not start talking until age 5.

I'm an Aspie, and my symptoms seem medium or average compared to most on forums, from what I've read so far.

This is the quiz we took:
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

On this quiz, I score around 135/200 Aspie, 60/200 NT. My husband is around 100/200 on both, a few points higher on the Aspie side. The quiz is long - 150 questions - but might be a good place to start if you are curious about how you compare to both Aspies and NTs.

There are people who have autistic traits but are not quite autistic. You seem to be certainly a unique individual, possibly close to or on the spectrum. Maybe that's why you can communicate with your autistic clients so well. There's no really clear dividing line between autistic and not; so they use the criterion, "Does this cause significant impairment," to decide whether to diagnose, in somebody who has enough traits. You don't seem like someone who has that impairment now. You might have, earlier in your life. You seem to have learned social skills to the low-normal level, and you're employed and doing OK. Seems to me like you were probably diagnosable in your childhood, and would have been one of the ones that "lost" the diagnosis later on. I put that in quotation marks because it's not really that you lose the diagnosis--it's just that you have learned enough that your different brain doesn't hold you back anymore, and you have got to the point of just being eccentric. So in the medical sense, no; but in the social sense--and in the sense of being part of the autism community, thinking a lot like people with autism do; yes. It's kind of the way you can't diagnose someone with mental retardation if he is completely independent and can do anything typical people can, even if his IQ still tests out low--you can't give a diagnosis, but you can still say, "This person is different." Different is not a bad thing.

Last edited by Callista on 27 Jun 2009, 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Your Aspie score: 107 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 98 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

You seem like a cousin (someone who relates well to & is accepted by the autism community). Please correct me if I used the wrong term. Welcome!

That's a very even split in the quiz scores! What do you think about it? For another perspective on your traits, you could try answering again based on how you were at an earlier stage of development (e.g., age 12.)

There are some things which sound similar to me. Unless I am feeling very anxious (or when I go to an Aspie support group and "let go" somewhat, or when I am with my psychologist), I am not noticeably Aspie. I am outgoing, and appear to have strong social skills (even to the envy of neurotypical friends), and other Aspies I have met haven't recognised me as one; I don't have any typical eye contact issues (perhaps I do look at people a little too intently sometimes, but only if they are telling me some long interesting thing or if I want them to know I care).

There is absolutely no doubt that I fit the diagnostic criteria for AS though. I could give you a long list.

Well starman you should just take it and be onoured of your gift to be able to cmmunicate well and be accepted with autistics. stck aroun the forums there are several friends of the autistics hehe and parents teachers etc etc

Starman, I can't relate to your exact traits, but your mildness and ability to more-or-less get along with people (even if there is some kludginess there) sounds a lot like me. To give you an idea, I think I scored about 122 Aspie, 72 NT. Certainly that's the "borderlands" where everything gets fuzzy. There, the definition of whether or not we are/were autistic is, for the most part, speculation.

What symptoms do you have, out of curiosity? My traits come out more when I'm anxious too. That's when I'll really retreat in to my head and start tidying things up to give my world some order and calm.