Anyone else offended by this?

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When i try to explain my "symptoms" to friends and family, they sometimes say "i do that as well" are they as i think just trying to make me feel more normal than i am?

I am not offended by it, it makes me feel normal, its a relief to know I am not so different.

Anyway, its not what we do, its why we do it that is the issue, so it only looks and seems the same.

Disappointing but true, we can be a bit different underneath.

I'm not offended by it at all. But things like that do frustrate me sometimes, when it's something that is very severe with me but fairly mild for the other person. It's a lack of understanding when it comes down to it. With any disorder, the symptoms are things which loads of people can have (anxiety, social misunderstandings, obsessive-compulsive etc) - the difference is that for someone with a disorder, those things are much worse.

For example a lot of people do little OCD-type things, like having to place things in a certain way, or counting. But that does not mean they have OCD. And it can be frustrating when people try to make out they're the same way. It's kind of like when I suffered from migraines in school and had comments like "yeah I had a headache too." It's not the same if you don't have X, Y or Z. You might do similar things sometimes, but it's hardly the same.

i agree completely with kasanova.


i really dislike when people try to relate just to explain why it shouldn't be a problem.

it's almost like i'm walking slow because i have a broken leg and need crutches, and they're saying "i sprained my ankle yesterday and i'm walking just fine." no sh** you're walking just fine. you sprained your ankle. i broke my leg.


worse yet is when people try to "make you feel better" by marginalizing your symptoms or using how well you cope to say that you "got better" when you grew up or never had these problems in the first place.

A lot of psychologists and counselors have used that technique on me ^

It doesn't work. It just makes me feel like more of a failure because they're telling me I'm capable of doing better yet for some reason I'm not, LOL

What annoys me even more is when professionals have used examples of other autistic people being successful to try and make me feel better - don't they realise that 1. it's a spectrum, 2. it affects people in different ways, and 3. those people are not me?

I mean I understand why they do that, but I really don't think it works for most autistic people.

The thing these people need to be told--or need to realize is connected to what they are saying--is that the traits of autism are, indeed, traits found in typical humans; however, these traits are exaggerated to the point that they are associated with significant impairment.

In fact, most neurological disorders and mental illnesses are exaggerations of this sort. Most people feel sadness; only a few get depression. Most people daydream; only a few get dissociative disorders. Plenty of people are superstitious; not too many have delusions. The average person gets distracted; some people get distracted so often and so intensely that it can be diagnosed as attention deficit disorder.

The "crazy" and "weird" people are not too far away from the mainstream. These experiences are not so foreign as people think. In fact, many neurotypicals might know--just a little--what it is like to be autistic, the way someone who has just lost a pet hamster might know--just a little--what it is like to lose a spouse of twenty years.

That can be positive, or it can be negative. It can be a reason to understand that the "insane" have so much more in common with the average individual than ever thought before; but it can also be an excuse to assume that their extreme traits are the same as one's own average versions of those traits, and to attribute their impairments to character defects or else assume they must be hypochondriacs.

I think sometimes people think they know what you mean but they are interpreting what you say through their own experience. I was recently trying to explain my problems with ADD and Executive Ordering Dysfunction. I talked about the intense feeling of sleepiness that overcomes me if my mind is either not stimulated or is overloaded with things I can't process well. She said that everyone is like that, but then I told her it was the same kind of chemical wash feeling like after an orgasm. Then she realized we were talking about two different things.

I've felt a little offended when someone says "Everyone has quirks." People just don't understand what it is like to have Autism or other Pervasive Developmental Disorders, etc. Certain "quirks" may not seem normal to other people, and I think that people need to understand what "quirks" some people with Autsim have.

I agree. i have struggled so much with life and glib 'identification" from others really hurts.
eg. "What...you feel different? hey. me too. get out there and get it together. We're all a little different......" hmmm.

They do so and then zoosh off in their nice car to go and meet a bunch of friends, have a bite to eat and catch a movie and then go off to work which is running at a huge profit....yeah....sure....they know EXACTLY what it feels like to really be a fish out of water.. at age 46 sitting in my bedroom on a single bed wtih a teddy bear and collected elephants and brass objects on the dresser and the obsessive drawings over on the table and clutter everywhere today and no-one around because it is too tiring except online.....

It's kind of annoying. But what's more annoying is when people say, "Pssht. I've never seen you do that." implying that it doesn't exist.

It is possible they are not trying to make you feel better, but make themself feel better. Talking about these types of things can make many people uncomfortable. Saying...I do that too...everyone does that...there is nothing wrong with you, you are just a little quirky...these things may not be meant to belittle your symptoms but rather allows the other person to put their own self at ease with those differences.

^^ oooh, shiny, shiny, brass. . .

I notice people will tell me 'Oh, you're fine!' or "Oh, you're doing great" when I am not fine, nor great, but they want me to FEEL good about me not understanding, and I don't want to FEEL good about not understanding, I want to understand.

~sigh~ ooh! shiny brass! niiiiiice

Merle

People don't understand that all they need to do is listen.

Most likely. And that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. It depends on the attitude. At least they're still talking to you, and not backing away as though you have some kind of a disease. Maybe we should give one little bite-size piece at a time, and let them chew on it for a while. Their first reaction isn't necessarily a final judgment. It could be just processing out-loud.

My husband told me lot of people chew on things, that's why you see teeth marks on pencils or on pens. I don't see it but he said he has seen it.


I've been told weddings are stressful for everyone.

My answer to "Everyone's like that" is "To the extent where it causes significant problems?"