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Mountain Goat
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05 Jul 2019, 7:00 am

I am very emotionally caring. I mean... It is rare for me to deep down not to care, even though it may see like I don't care on the surface.
Question. I have read that those on the spectrum can be percieved as non caring, and they mainly only care about a narrow field... In other words, it is said to be a trait of autism? I am the complete opposite. I am too caring. I am hurt if someone finds they don't like something I put as it has hurt them, and I spend ages trying to relive what I said... Sometimes years later after I have upset someone somehow I will be still re-living it before I finally come to a conclusion and move on from there. It is almost the opposite of what they say autism is?
So could I be on the spectrum? Well, most of you care. I know that from your replies. You are very caring (Thank you!) so does this mean that the "Experts" talking about autism and asperges have it wrong? Or is there a single element within caring that is lacked with those on the spectrum? Am I missing something?



firemonkey
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05 Jul 2019, 7:46 am

I have a mixed outlook on caring. I can care on an emotional level, but really struggle with caring for people on a practical level.



Mountain Goat
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05 Jul 2019, 8:31 am

I tend to stand back and let others do caring on a practical level as I find it a case where I don't really know what to do.



firemonkey
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05 Jul 2019, 9:10 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
I tend to stand back and let others do caring on a practical level as I find it a case where I don't really know what to do.


Same here . I'd be a useless male nurse.



Novinha86
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06 Jul 2019, 3:58 pm

I think that you are being percieved as non caring if you don't know how to show that you care, and I think that this is what most autistics struggle with. As you have seen on the site, people care.
For me, trying to comfort someone is very difficult, I always feel that I'm saying the wrong thing, and I know that I fail completely on the part where you are supposed to mimic the facial expression (for example looking sad when the other person is sad). It's difficult enough for me to match my own facial expressions to my own emotions :lol:
It's the same with affection, I feel it, I just don't show it very well.



Prometheus18
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06 Jul 2019, 4:04 pm

Personally, although I seem arrogant, haughty and contemptuous, I'm a profoundly compassionate person. The extent of other people's suffering overwhelms me for all of my waking life, and a large part of me wants to take it upon myself so as to rid them of it.

It's not a lack of empathy that defines autism, but "inappropriate" empathy. It's certainly not uncommon for those on the spectrum to be hyperempathetic.



IsabellaLinton
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06 Jul 2019, 4:10 pm

I would say I'm somewhat hyper-empathetic as well. I can usually infer people's feelings and imagine how I'd feel in their situation. My problem is that I have alexithymia, so I can't make sense of the flood of emotions I feel for other people's pain and I get overwhelmed without knowing what to do or what to say. The feelings mash together until I feel like I'm tangled in a knot or trapped with no labels for the emotion. On top of that I'm selective mute and I don't like speaking very much even at the best of times, so I have difficulty expressing whatever concern I do feel. Likewise, I don't have a wide range of facial expressions for people to know how I feel. When I did the EQ test I got an abysmally low score, but again it was because I don't express empathy well. I forget what that's called.


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Prometheus18
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06 Jul 2019, 4:19 pm

The worst part is the guilt and contrition one feels when unable to help - not to mention at the malevolence one momentarily feels for others in times of acute anger. :(



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07 Jul 2019, 2:02 am

It's the root of most of my worries -- I care too much when I wished for the opposite to be true and get on with it.

It's the mismatch of emotions and intentions from the capacity to act on it that makes this trait unwanted.


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firemonkey
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07 Jul 2019, 4:36 am

I think a problem can be showing empathy in a way that NTs can recognise. It's not that we don't care, but rather that we may not display those little signs that say "I care" to another person.