idiot jumps in the deep end

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Hi All,
Long story short, 1st full day of work in awhile (in a face to face customer relations position anyway) 12hr day by myself in an internet cafe with coffee shop. To make things more interesting broke up with GF 2 days ago, and attempting to give-up coffee and smoking. Sounds simple at first right?, im totally freaking out(<-lots of emphases here), the face to face contact and chit chat is so exhausting on top of nursing a broken heart. I feel myself totally shutting down in a communicative sense im completly active fixing network issues and coding intranet stuff but communication wise it totally gone.
Anyone have any tips im 1/2 way through the shift and already rebuilt their intranet in an attempt to occupy myself. Or how to move on from a relationship your still hung up on?

I think your trying too many things at once. Giving up smoking is hard and if other things are stressing you you are unlikely to succeed and endure much to much stress at the same time.
Do one at a time I would cut down the coffee but not worry about the smoking and concentrate all my efforts on the job.
Getting over a lost love will happen in time and time is the best healer. Maybe when these are in hand after a month or so giving up smoking will be realistic I know how difficult it is and it permeates every aspect of life. It is something to be done with good planning and is well worth achieving but it is very difficult, it is stressful and if you have other problems it won't help.

Good luck

Thanks for your support, coming to the end of the day now and glad - the whole ordeal has physically exhausted me. ive had about 4 coffees and maybe 5 smokes so not bad for 12hrs straight. Its great having the coffee machine on the desk where im coding this is a novelty (ive moved an extra screen over so i can live preview so its like heaven really).
The lost love is the confusing part and has been the most difficult to overlook, just typing that left me distracted for 30seconds deep in though.

you might want to remember what it is like to NOT have a job. I know it is negative reinforcement but I also have a ear to ear relationship with 'customers' and it beats the hell out of your psyche. I just take that next call because I remember what it was like to live in the tent in the woods and eat out of the emergency food pantrys of rural churches just to keep body and soul together. It is not the most thrilling motivation, but it really kicks me in the behind when I get all fussy and bored.

The biggest problem is as all that rough time dissapears into the rear view mirror, I tend to forget the real problems of it and it romanticizes. I gotta watch that. It wasn't a romantic adventure, it was grinding poverty! and then all I was doing was grasping at anything that would keep me from suicide.

so, what ever it takes is what I gotta put out. I hope it starts becoming easier to you, soon. Keep posting, too! That helps alot.

Merle

Oh yes i do whats it like, too well, ive was retrenched 12 months from an engineering job - places like that im fine, its the best thing for me. I can concentrate on what im doing with little outside interacting (3D Drafting, ect) In the cafe its the chit chat while your making the coffee i find hardest to deal with there is an expectation.

I really gave myself the job as a test knowing it was going to be hard and by gave i told the owner he needs days off and took over entirely. As something to calm me down and keep me there ive basically re-cabled the place, rebuilt the network topology (40 hosts)-added +2 switches / load balancing, firewalls, fileservers, from the ground up - while in production - and the intranet incorporating an advertising system as separate revenue source. Im on day 3 now - 1st whole day - yeah im calm

Its always been a struggle interacting with people but the lady friend has challenged me to try harder and I have been ie working on my interaction skills and socialising more. Basically ive put my heart on the line, its like an NP-Hard problem to solve it i was prepared to give up one of my special interests in order to move/travel this was met with - "i understand your condition you need stability" then "quit smoking & coffee, & shave beard "2hrs latter"we dont talk for one week" then after an exhausting day i just got an IM from her (2days). Logically ive exhausted all avenues, but i still get solid affection from her on all occasions

I know the relationship is'nt healthy so im trying to move on then something will remind me of her and im lost in though, basically im trying to get over her. These feelings are so new to me having her in my life has made me realise how its been effecting me - I have so many mixed emotions its conflicting The hardest parts are dealing with customers, at one stage i did find myself thinking i should message her, then feel bad i dont want to be scary stalker man, then realised id spilled milk everywhere and customers were pissed they were waiting. I enjoy that kind of banter while im working and as a customer i always like to be polite but in reverse i struggled i found myself shutting down.

i know this is abit of a ramble.rant but so much of this is overwhelming to me.

oooh, Cherchez la femme !

yep..always look for the female in any story:)
The messages havnt stopped, right at the point i was ready to move on, i know there will be a healing time but i cant take this into another relationship - on the other hand i have to move on this is overwhelming me and not healthy.

It sounds like you're doing well so far - what you're doing is a real challenge, and it's admirable you've made it this far. I personally got a holiday job working as a waitress to challenge myself in the same way, and I lost count of the number of times I came on the brink of a meltdown - but it was worth challenging myself and forcing myself to improve.

I hope things do get better for you, and you find someone who is a better partner for you down along the line.

^ ditto to the above from Sunshower.

Good luck footprint.

Thanks for your support, waitressing would be a real challenge good one!. that one i couldnt do. ill be honest at least. with the net cafe if i mess up i can make a joke and help them on the internet.I have worked in a busy restaurant so i know the challenges, that said they are what you make of them.
Today I took a job moving books so that was a nice 12hrs out in the countryside with a friend it gave me time to think,(also sorting through thousands of books is a fairly repetitively task) ended up with two interesting ones, The US War Machine and Communism 1939-2002 - a foot in both camp.
It was interesting even my friend noted i was unusually quite, i guess im still overwhelmed, is was still with it on the tasks at hand, my usual do it at twice the speed and 1/2 the labor. but with recent events its become quite clear the only path ahead needs to be new there is so much negativity trapped surrounding this in become unpleasant and im too caught up in it to focus on the bigger picture.
On the new partner front im not sure there, part of me wants to rebound like a rubber ball but in the same im quite happy to sit back for abit and sort some other parts out, besides i cant move into anything with this still having around. I really need to get a proper job and busy again, so thats coming first now. I'd kind put that on hold to see if it was worth moving over there in all honestly.

Fruit picking would be fun, but not something you want to do everyday. I worked on a farm for awhile too so i know how nice the fresh air is, being trapped in the CBD all the time is depressing like that.
Yesterdays tests were interesting, Got a hair cut and went to a metal concert, two things that always make me very uncomfortable.
The hair cut had to be done but it was a spur of the moment thing and required me waiting 1/2hr - twice i grabbed my bag and was ready to run. It was worth sticking in there all my friends were surprised the difference it makes...they just wish i'd kept the beard.
The concert was cool though, ive got alot of venues close but but normally aviod as i dont like alot of the people/sheep that attend, so I had a few drinks and relaxed even talked to a few people, at one point had a long conversation with an attractive girl which was a good confidence boost as she seamed really into the conversation.
Its difficult though I came home and had another message from her (-ex) which almost took me back to square one, im close to blocking her which is the last thing i want to do but maybe it would be best?

2 days without caffeine, and down to 3 smokes a day- its been a fun week

So i was really freaking out again today...so i gave myself another shift - its times like this i need to test myself, im 1/2 through and struggling in almost every conversation its a mess but i keep trying and learning....maybe its a good thing the business is closing in a fortnight anyway
Its a great opportunity for me to learn though, if i can struggle through i now next time i'll be able to and have the experience to. It sounds so dumb to say that im 27 and cant interact for s**t when im sad or overwhelmed i feel so pathetic sometimes. Ive always enjoyed being an odd ball, now i want to be normal-this sucks!.
I feel so weak i almost forgave the lady interest for whats happened, almost..I spoke to some random girl when i was out the other and ended up venting how the interest "was scared of me" in the context of the spectrum, she replied with i dont know what your on about you seam normal to me maybe better then most of the losers here, so this gave me some confidence to move forward - also speaking to a stranger (mainly because i knew we were both drunk and she wouldnt remember it) was good she was also very understanding if not curious. I think this is going to be the biggest hurdle to come, one which im not ready to jump yet.