Is this considered normal?

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I'm asking this as an attempt to understand myself more, and I've been trying to mine my parents for information about my baby years and have gotten some mushy facts. I will warn you, this is pretty lengthy. And disorganized.

I was very quiet...I generally am, even now, but if there's something that I really want to talk about then there's kind of no stopping me. But they (parents) both said that I wouldn't talk. My dad gave an earliest memory of me talking to his friend's daughter, which would put it at around 3 years. He also remembered an 'argument' that I was having with my older cousin, who kept calling me cool...for some reason, I was offended and kept yelling, "Stop saying that, I'm not cool!" >.< I was also 3 then. He mentioned that I didn't sleep well even then, and every time he'd be carrying me and try to sit down I'd start crying. I still have a rough sleep pattern and when I was little I used to kick around and occasionally roll off the bed. When I was 5, I was asking my friend, who was doing some silent reading, what she was doing, and she had to explain to me that you can read without talking out loud. I did like reading, though and eventually caught on. I remember in first grade having a hard time with instructions and one of my classmates kept saying how easy the project was. They said that when people would visit, I wouldn't talk to anyone or really look at them.

My elementary school put me in the English as a Second Language program, which was something that recently puzzled me since I was born in the U.S. and my parents were fluent in english long before I was born. So I asked my parents why they did that, like if the school ever discussed it with them, and they said not really, only that they were told I was going to be put in a special program because I was too shy.

It was almost impossible for me to communicate with my parents...and it still is difficult to a lesser extent...I'm able to say things to them now, but the words never really match what I'm thinking. Anyway, when I was little and would get upset, I'd just cry and kind of gasp for air when I'd try to say something. My parents called them tantrums and they'd always have to play a guessing game with me.

I've never willingly hugged my parents, which kind of makes me feel like a terrible child, moreso now that I've discovered that I'm the only one in my sexual abuse therapy group that has this problem. I hate cuddling, maybe especially for that reason, but it's something that my parents easily forget. I think I've asked for a hug once from my friend, because I was sad and needed one, and I hug some of my closest friends now, because I know people need love. I like to think that my hugs are less awkward now. Whenever someone is upset, I never know what to do.

The thing is, I was constantly abused as a child by someone that used to watch me when my parents were at work, and at home my parents would always argue. And my mom was always strict and impatient with me. Like one time she almost made me sleep in the bathtub for not getting a good grade. I've kind of used these events in my life to explain why I am the way I am...but then I'm wondering about my infant years and if I could have already been influenced by my parents behavior that early in life. I don't exactly remember when the abuse happened, but I've put it somewhere from age 5 to 7, so I wonder how that can explain why it took me such a long time to talk etc...I'm thinking that maybe it just made what was already there even worse, because I've read how child abuse can affect development.

I kind of had no idea what autism was until a few months ago, because of a television show that I watch and a classmate that I met at school who was telling me that he's interested in writing about it and making people more aware of it.

More recently, I've noticed things that I've done that I'm kind of embarrassed to mention, but I will anyway. Last summer, I was at this church function that I really didn't want to be at...I ended up getting upset and sticking my head in my bag until I could calm down...I was also crying and hate people seeing me vulnerable. When my parents come home I impulsively hide and disappear into the bathroom or the basement before I can see them come in. And I can't get out of bed if someone is in the room, which I know is ridiculous, but I can't do it if someone is there. And I was talking to my friend the other week about how sometimes when I get upset I throw or break things and was kind of surprised that she was surprised because I know kids yell back at their parents all the time, which I never do.

I guess I'm wondering if this is something I should look into...I kind of have a lot of complaints already when it comes to my health and have been putting some off because I've got this or that going on. I mean, I'm able to function (with difficulty still), but I want answers. My 12th grade english teacher said I always have questions, which I can't help. Both of my parents work in an environment that puts them around doctors all the time, and I wonder that if my situation had really been that bad, then they would have asked someone to look into it. My dad said that he almost had to ("because you wouldn't talk!"), but ultimately didn't. Last night my mom said that her doctor friend noticed that I don't like to make eye contact (I had to meet my professor last semester for an evaluation and made the occasional eye contact...so uncomfortable, [I didn't even realized I was fidgeting as well until he pointed it out, he seemed to find it fascinating] even with my parents. I've recently realized that I like taking rides with my parents because I can talk without having to feel obligated to look at them.) I asked her if he had a point, if that was supposed to mean something. She said she didn't know. Anyway, I'm sorry if I've rambled and if this post is really disorganized. Sometimes I think that I was just born with a lot of things lacking. All I have is my wealth of useless trivia.

I can see a similar issue that tricked me. I didnt know about AS and blamed my hopeless parents. Or blamed my physical appearance. Its a problem when there are more then one possible cause of the way you are. I think you need to continue exploring the AS posibility. It might/might not be correct to blame the abuse for your personality and reactions.

It's quite possible that being on the spectrum made you a target for ill treatment in the first place. Bullies and manipulaters of any kind will home in on someone who appears to them as being in any way vulnerable, naive, timid, alone etc because they are more likely to get away with it.

Well, when you're occupied trying to survive in a hostile world you don't really care why you're not like everyone els.

I really don't like how much this post reminded me of my growing up, you have my sympathy.
And no, it's not normal anywhere but here. ^^

Thank you for the replies, I have found them all interesting and helpful. I'm not going to say anymore for now because my brain is a little fried.