Anyone else that loathes their father?

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Answer.

I used to when I was younger. He and my mother were divorced shortly before my first birthday. Even then, during the first 10 or so months, he had very little to do with me. My mother is a proud woman, but she never tried to keep me away from him. She wanted him to be in my life despite the fact that she did not want to be with him. She would try to find ways to get him to come spend time with me. My first memories of my father...are of him not being there and my mother being said for me. When I was four, my grandmother and I were in Walmart and we happened to see him there. I, of course, did not recognize him. He looked at us and kept walking. My grandmother became very angry and confronted him. Basically FORCED him to come speak to me. I don't remember much about that day. I only remember hiding behind her leg while he mumbled to me...patted me on the head.

As I got older...I hated him. I hated him for what he did to my mother. I hated him for never trying to see me; for not wanting to know me. I hated him for what he did to his other children as well. Unlike me, his sons and older daughter got to know him...and then he just ran away. Said nothing. Just left them and started a new family. His current family. Last year...he finally decided to go to a court appearance. He has never paid the child support that he owed and he never showed up in court. He came to our home that day. Hugged me, lifting me from the floor, kissed me, kept grabbing my hands and staring at me. And then...he opened his mouth. Lie after lie after lie about why he couldn't see me and how sorry he was. Somehow he managed to make it all the fault of my mother, his parents, and his sister. Maybe his lies would have worked if I had not SEEN them try to make him a part of my life. Maybe it would have worked if my mother had been bitter and told me nothing but bad things about him. She never did that. She always told me to forgive him, because we did not know what he may or may not be going through.

I've rambled enough. Long story short...I realized that I didn't know the guy. It is really stupid to assign any emotion, let alone one so powerful as hatred or loathing, to a person that you don't even know.

Pretty much same reasons.I even cursed him and now he hurt his leg really bad.I don't see him now as small children with loving parents see their loving parents.

its quite possible your father has some mildly aspie traits.

don't hate him, hate autism.

Without going into details, yes.

i went through a period of doing so. we lived with him when i was aged 10-14 and there was a lot of upheaval and unhappiness, the effects of which lasted a long time afterwards & maybe still do.

i don't any more, i can forgive almost anything with time

Nope. I'm blessed with a great dad.

Well, I don't live with my parents anymore so now we're sorta friends if anything I think.

I love my father.

I have three fathers.

The first is my biological father, although I only met him when I was 18 or 19, and only a few times. I do like him, but he has a tendency to push people away for imagined offenses. If you ever read the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, where it describes four ways children with undiagnosed AS cope with having AS? He's the arrogant "always right" type who tends to be mean. I wish he weren't like that, but he's pushed all of his blood relatives away. I strongly suspect he's on the spectrum.

The second is my legal father, whose name is on my birth certificate. I don't know if he ever knew that he wasn't my actual father, although I am so grateful to know that he is not my father. He's a narcissist and an abuser, and I hated him most of my life. If I interacted with him these days, I would probably get along, as I got along with him in the 90s. I just... find I don't really care to interact with a lot of people I would otherwise be okay with, and he's on that list. I don't know that I'll ever forgive him, but I don't hate him.

The third is my stepfather, who is sometimes really amazing and sometimes really frustrating. He married my mother after I turned 18 and she divorced the legal father, and now of course his daughters are my stepsisters (but I don't know them as well as I could ). I posted about him the other day because of something he said to me that was both frustrating and confusing, and I wish I knew how to get around moments like that. A lot of the time, I find it very difficult to speak to him, for reasons I cannot always explain.

Don't know if it could be called loathing, but I didn't feel about him the way most people feel about their dads. It's all rather sad really. I took a dislike to him while I was growing up, and never really let him back in. I did the duty visits and things, replied to his letters......but couldn't show him any affection. I don't know what he'd done. Best guess, something must have snapped when he left home for a day and told me he wasn't ever coming back. Also his part in parental fights. And his smartarse comments to me - "did you ever see such lack of beauty?" (not very supportive to say that to a teenager with confidence problems). But it's all been water under the bridge for decades. Barely missed him when he died, didn't cry.

I don't understand why he became so unimportant to me.....when I was small, I got very little love from Mum, so he was everything to me. Some years ago a counsellor got me talking abut my first memory of him on my 4th birthday, when he told me in a kind voice that I was 4. But I couldn't finish the story because I was filled with grief and tears, presumably at the realisation that my love for him, once so great, had died. It still makes me tearful if I dwell on it.

Yeah i do, But i have good reasons too. He kidnapped me and my sister, went to prison and now doesnt speak to me

I love my father because he has never coerced me into trying to be different to what I am. I love my mother too, but thats a different story.

I wish he'd leave this planet, already.

My dad was a immigrant doing what he thought was right for his entire family so he only did what he could, given the information that he had access to at the time. He sought higher education for himself and his family by keeping his nose hard against the grindstone. He was hard to deal with.

I forgave him for his authoritarian style methods a long time ago but now that he's getting older, I'm afraid that I'm starting to "abuse him back" during meltdowns. I felt like "he got off easy (because he sticks to his story) and that everyone around him lost their soul, except for him.

Now that I accept that I am different, I'm starting to realize that my father and I probably have a lot more in common than we do different. I'm cool with my dad, he needs help too.

I used to, because I had a period in which I didn't much care about him being biologically related to me if he wasn't living anywhere near me and I didn't even like him but he still tried to sporadically intrude in my life (just when I was managing to forget about him).
Then I got used to it. Then I realized we're actually pretty similar, except he's way more manipulative and a liar. I still don't particularly like him, but I wouldn't say I hate him.