My parents still haven't accepted my diagnosis....

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Hello,

I'm relatively new on here and was diagnosed last year at the age of 34. My situation is unique in the sense that my parents are immigrants from India and I was raised in the U.S. As a kid, I was labelled as emotionally disturbed because I acted out in school and placed in a special ed class. My parents said it was this class that "spoiled me with rewards" and "too much attention' that made it difficult for me to cope when I was mainstreamed (unsuccessful in the earlier grades but successfully in high school). They claim that Asperger's is another "excuse label" and that I was just "being stubborn" and am still "stubborn". They also claim that back in India, these kind of hidden disabilities do not exist because everyone there LEARNS to confirm and "stubbornness" is just not tolerated. They refuse to learn more about Aspergers and IMO they think it's the latest term of "emotionally disturbed". They think if I tried hard enough, I could be "normal." Is this cultural or are there other adults whose parents feel the same way?

I found myself surrounded by adults who had that attitude toward me growing up. They called me "stubborn," "lazy," "contrary," "hard to get along with," "tantrum prone." They thought I could control myself better when I struggled everyday.
It might be cultural to some extent, in your case. My theory is the adults around me didn't want to take the time to help me find what worked for me. It is a matter of time, patience and facing the fact your kid will need extra attention that might cost a little more money to help them succeed.
I don't know if your situation is similar.

Welcome AllieKat, I got the same reaction from many others too.

'Its a trendy diagnosis' 'theres nothing wrong with you' etc etc

I'd say there is some cultural issues here, with many 'American' or western things open to derision from your Indian folks

Leave them to their world and make the most of things for yourself, including an emotional distance from them

I wish I could keep more of a distance but at this time, I'm severely undermployed and need a place to stay. At one point, I made enough to live on my own but I don't right now. I'm trying to retrain for a new career and hopefully, I will make enough to live on my own again. But yeah, it's awkward.......

I can relate. I told my mother about my Asperger's theory and she tried to be supportive but in the end refused to believe it. Luckily, I live halfway across the US from my family, so I don't have to deal with it much. But it will be fun in June when I go visit for my mom's wedding.

There was a poster here from India a while back who seemed to be of the opinion that AS was a synonym for lack of manners and felt the need to come on here and preach about it. But AS is not epitomized by a lack of manners or stubbornness. A person with AS might lack manners and they might be stubborn, but then again, so might people without AS.

In India, until rather recently, people with hidden disabilities of any sort were usually just left to suffer....frequently beaten for not being able to do things others thought they should be able to do...treated very poorly in general, but that has been changing for the better.

If I were you, I'd be tempted to remind your parents that they came to the US because it was a better place that could offer them a better life, and it was a better place because of the mentality of the people. I would also tell them that they should have left their (outdated) Indian mentality in India. Of course though, I know that likely would not be a wise choice to speak to your parents in such a tone. Instead, I think you should refrain from presenting AS to them as a disability and focus on the more positive aspects of it....

1. People with AS usually have high moral standards.
2. People with AS think independently and usually don't give in to peer pressure to do stupid things.
3. People with AS can frequently become amongst the top in the world in the field of their interest.
4. People with AS usually have excellent analytical skills as adults.
5. People with AS are usually dependable and honest.
6. People with AS are usually good at thinking "outside of the box"
7. etc

well my parents weren't in denial when my psychologist suggested i had aspergers they were surprised but not in denial but when it was confirmed they looked it up and said it sounded like me and it actually had helped me in school do better [except in social situations]

I totally agree with this. Perhaps putting AS in a positive light will help them understand that AS comes with both weaknesses and strengths. As well, their opinion of AS does sound very culturally influenced, and cultural opinions can be difficult to change...but at least you can inform them more about AS by projecting it in a different light.