"You dont look like anything is wrong with you"

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i was at the bank today and there were autism donations thingies there . I decided to donate 5 dollars well my mom decided to "educate the bank teller" and say you do know there is a such s thing as Hight functioning autism

called asperger's


then she told the bank teller I have it.

The bank lady: (to me) You dont look like theres any thing wrong with you.


and they say that we are the one with the bad social skills

also this is after I jumped a few minutes earlier and and a bank bell sound thingy and she noticed saying oh it scared you,


i guess people dont know enough to connect sensory issues and autistic spectrum disorders together

Certain people only think you have a problem when you have a misformed face.
It was really difficult to convince people my writing would not get any better and it was not laziness or unwillingness.

Well, she's right, in a way: Nothing is wrong with you.

Now if you wanted to be even ruder than she was, the options are endless... Maybe I'd better just skip it.

But this highlights a complaint I've had for some time, which is pretty much what you said. With so many big-mouthed, rude, and stupid people in the world, how in blazes to they single us out for our lack of social skills? I'm straightforward and honest, and I'm more rude than the old lady who kept trying to tell me to cook for my husband, or the woman who went and told a man that I found him intimidating after I said so to her in confidence, or the one who said in front of others that I struck her as being the kind of person who would lose her head and panic in an emergency? And there's no end of people waiting to be rude by telling us how rude we are.

But the true test of niceness is in how you deal with difficult people. I should know. My natural cluelessness combined with an admittedly ornery tendency to not actually try to be nice (I'm sick of doing it their way all the danged time) has caused me to see way too many people crack their shell of false kindness.

They try to do something nice by letting you into traffic when they have right of way but you don't go when they want you to, and they turn ugly.

They try to do something nice by "helping" you with your make-up but you decline (or hate the results), they turn ugly.

They call your home after you talk to their kid and leave no message (after you find out that the party you seek is not there) and tell your husband that you need better phone manners!

They "bless you" after you sneeze and you fail to thank them because you recently saw a documentary about why people say that (so that your soul won't fly out your mouth), and they publicly humiliate you (saying "You're Welcome" as loud as they can in a sneering tone).

You drop a celery bunch in the store a little too quickly because you see it's all gooey on the bottom, you get the lady standing nearby saying, "Well, that was rude!" I thanked her, by the way. I figured, coming from her, it meant that it was something she wouldn't do, and since she's a spreader of public sanctimony, what she wouldn't do is just what I would choose. Anyway...

I didn't mean to derail the topic. I have to say, the fact that we look like everyone else could represent the biggest trial of the Aspie. It tends to draw others to conclude that we're faking, doesn't it, or lack self-control? Charming attitudes. I too often waffle about it, partially because I have no formal diagnosis, and largely because I don't expect anyone to buy it. I expect people to either scorn me for making excuses to be rude and lazy, or to condescendingly try to encourage me to believe in myself. There's a thin slice of society that also urges me to seek treatment. ARGH!

A. Freaking. Men.

So you would prefer to look like something is wrong with you?

My late husband once tried to be nice by completely rearranging the entire kitchen while I was at work. You should have seen the fight that caused!

Back to the subject: There's a similar thread in the Parent's forum from a mother who was told her daughter didn't look autistic. I don't know exactly what they think an autistic person should look like.

Regards,

Patricia

If I had a dime for every time I got that... I would probably (literally) be able to buy a crappy house or make a down payment on a nice one .

It is both a blessing and a curse that we do not have "Autism Spectrum Disorder" or "Aspergers", etc. stamped to our foreheads from birth or conception. On one hand nothing is wrong with being different from other people, and I really doubt anyone would want some kind of physical deformity. But, if you have an episode or overt sensitivity that shows up randomly, it can be difficult to get people to believe you have a problem.


p.s. Sorry I don't think I can spell Aspergers properly

That's exactly what I was thinking. I mean, if someone didn't notice my apparent 'oddness' I wouldn't be offended. I'd be thinking to myself..."I must be doing something right to fit in". The bank teller probably wasn't being rude either. It just sounds like she wasn't educated about AS and presumed that people with any form of autism must have a certain 'look'.

I would be relieved to be told I don't look like there's something wrong with me.

I'm not exatly sure why you've decided to post this, and i certainly disagree with those who would say the bank teller is rude. Also i'm not exactly sure why your mother would randomly tell a stranger than you are autistic. I don't randomly tell strangers about my medical issues unless it's relevent.

I suspect that the bank teller's comment wasn't intended to mean, "Wow, you are autistic but you look so normal! I didn't know that autistic people can look normal. You learn something every day." I suspect that the teller simply didn't believe the OP's mother, i.e. "You can't really have that; it doesn't look like there is anything wrong with you." I guess internally it's a good compliment, though, to know that you look normal.

I really enjoyed that part. Feelings that I have had many times over the years.

As far as the faking it thing goes, people think that about anything that they cannot sort out with their own eyes. "Normal" people who have concussions have to deal with this kind of thing. Anything that is wrong that manifests itself pretty much entirely within the brain is immediately inconceivable to many (I attribute this to their lack of a foundation in science).

Another thing that makes perfect sense to me, but NTs feel the need to volunteer way too much information. I am very private and tend to keep most things to myself. I don't want to know these kinds of details about others, and don't want to tell anybody about mine. NTs would appear to have this desperate need to connect with and relate to everybody else on the planet. Such that they reveal their innermost secrets in order to open this new connection. Just seems like asking for trouble to me. I'd rather not be somebody's friend than mistakenly tell them something that comes back to haunt me later.

it's inappropriate to tell the bank teller about ur diagnosis or to educate the teller about autism. it is not part of their role or yours.

The bank person was in a pretty weird position there. I think they're just not very bright. Nothing insidious here.