Overprotective grandparents

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here is my issu

I have a grandmother who is overprotective and is constantly worried about the most inane things. us
For example I can't go five minutes down the street without her worrying, she is always worried when I travel alone (as I have done many times sucessfully, she constantly tells me to eat things and I WILL eat them, just give me time to digest the previous food.
She constantly insists that I tell her where I am while I am here in Russia.
Yes, I don't live in Russia, I live in the United States, but my grandparents live in Russia and even though it is a different country, it dosen't mean I lose maturity.

She dosen't enjoy the fact that I am dating outside of my culture, a Malawian, and she is not sure of people who of a different color.

Tell me, what to do before I go insane. She insists that I have bronchitis if I sneeze once, a flu if I sneeze, a stomach issue if I go to the toilet twice during the night and she probably will insist that she come to the counter in Sheremetyevo when I fly home. It pisses me off!

Anyone?

I love the fact that she cares about me, but I don't enjoy being overprotected and sheltered . "Wear these clothes, wear these sandals".

Please, anyone?
I

She's an Irish or Jewish grandma!

Maybe it's just a Grandma thing. They can't help it. Mine seemed to think I had a handle on my back, and wouldn't let me do anything.

Я люблю бабушек.

woah. it is good that she cares but that is excessive.

If you have a problem with what she is doing then tell her. You don't have to be mean about it, just tell her that even though you appreciate that she cares, you'd like it if she'd back off a bit and give you some room to be a self-sufficient adult. You don't have to say it in those exact words but it's just an idea.

/\ What is an enneagram type iI grandmother?

Never heard of that term...

I guess I have to endure 21 days with her... god

I would look up the enneagram on wikipedia or at the enneagram institute (you can simply google "The Enneagram" to get plenty of good links on one page). It's a pretty good system of analyzing people: I find that many people is ASD's fit into the 5 region, as do I.

To your point, simply telling her obviously isn't doing it. Sometimes, it takes an argument. That, however, is easy for me to say: you most likely love your grandmother. Other than really telling her, I can't think of anything.

Just a thought: I have never had the luxury of meeting my grandparents. They all died before I was born.

Could you just ignore their shortcomings, and enjoy the few years you still have with them? I think I would, if given the opportunity.

My grandma was like that. I remember when I was about 18 years old, I stayed with her for a week. This boy I liked lived across the street from her a few houses down, and she didn't know exactly where he lived as I knew it. Either way, I was at his house making out, and I just wanted to make out, but he had other things in mind. As time went by, somehow most of clothes were off and we were getting ready to do something I wasn't sure I wanted to do. Then there's a knock at his door. It's my grandma. She wanted to ask me something like if I was hungry or something that seemed like she was reaching for an excuse to come check on me which was something she never did before. I got all my clothes on, and it took about 5 minutes to get to the door, and she made me go home with her. Now that I'm 30, I'm kinda glad she did that. I kinda wish my mom were more like her now.

Now my grandma is gone, and I have no grandmas at all. I really wasn't too respectful of my grandma when she was alive and she deserved much more from me. I wasn't rude or anything, but I wish I had listened to her more and spent more time listening to her, even when it did sound a little irrational. You know, out of all my family members, the only two people who had my back (which is hard to find being Aspergers) was my grandma and my father. THey both died around the same time, and I can't tell how lonely life has been for me since then. I'm starting to feel like a family again only because I'm creating my famiy now (young kids and one on the way). But as far as family who survived my father and grandmother... they don't really feel like family to me as much as acquaintences. My mother and I are getting closer as friends, but not the same as my grandma and daddy.

It's a cultural thing. It has to do with the mentality left over from the Soviet era. I've been reading about parenting styles of different cultures, and here's what I found. In USSR, parents had absolute, property-like control over their children, children's rights was an oxymoron, and even the concept of privacy didn't exist. Teachers in schools could generally do whatever they wanted. My friend who's Russian said that his teacher used to destroy students' property as punishment. Nowadays in Russia, countless families around the country are dysfunctional; children insist on the democratic parenting that is becoming increasingly common, and parents (and grandparents) are unable to let go of their Soviet mentality.

So, why does your grandma attempt to enforce such control over you? Here comes the bad news. Because your grandma followed the authoritarian parenting model her whole adult life, and democratic parenting is only now becoming common in Russia, your grandma is simply unable to adjust. It was drilled into her head that she must enforce complete control over her children (and grandchildren). So even though USSR disappeared in 1991, your grandma's mentality did not. So she's only following what she's known her whole life: being under total control of her family, then enforcing total control on her family.

What can you do? Not much, really. If she insists on your wearing overly warm clothes, wear them, but take a backpack with you. Then go inside a restroom, change, and go about your day. Before coming home, change back, and act like nothing is wrong. As for where you are, you can say you're going to the library. It's a good idea to actually stop at the library for a few minutes, just so you're technically not lying. Then go where you planned. Remember: you're only doing it to protect everyone's sanity, so I see nothing wrong with it.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Yes, I am aware of the Whole Soviet style of parenting and thankfully my mom who grew up with me in America didn't do that to me(because her mom, my grandmother did that to her).

As for my relationship which is more difficult because of her, I am just going to continue with it and when she comes to America next year I will explain everything which I can't do online.

Thirdly, I am grateful and love her, but she is overprotective. She needs to see I am an adult in the USA and in the Russian Federation and also that I can make decisions on my own, and she just needs to adopt to the culture of my girlfriend which can be very different and I admit it.

Fourthly, she needs to understand that fear and worry actually makes things worse just like the old Malawian proverb goes "if you ask for rain, you get mud", She needs to understand that.