Intelligent in the classroom, stupid in the real world!! !! !

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Im intelligent (despite the fact i can't spell). I've passed nearly every test i've taken with top or high average marks. In the classroom I excel. Within the real word, within the working world, I fail miserably.

I'm friendly and I'm polite, but that's not enough. I just seem to have not an ounce of common sense. The last job I had my manger remarked that she hated people like me who were intelligent, but stupid. I just feel rubbish. Firstly, lots of people I work with don't get me and I don't get them; everything they do and/or say comes as a complete shock to me. I feel I'll never reach a level of understanding with people. And secondly, it's as if all of my logic disappears when I step into the work place and people just look at me like i'm some slow child who needs to be told everything.

I've never had a positive working experience; i've been bullied everywhere I've been and it's really knocked my confidence in myself and I don't think I can do it anymore. I feel that working wasn't made for me and now I'm so anxious I can't actually even attend a job interview (I had 3 interviews linned up-normally I'm quite good in interviews-but I was so anxious about getting the job and messing up and having my self-esteem stamped on, that I purposely made excuses not to attend any of them).

After being quite outspoken at work-defending myself-my mum advised me to not retaliate when someone says something horrid to me and so I followed her advise. I was extra submisive and didn't say a word and as a result I stood there and had my self-esteem torn to shreds. I know there must be a happy medium between the two extreems, but I just can't seem to figure out the appropriate response for different situations

My parents tell me I'm too intelligent not to get a good job, but I feel my intellience only lies within the confines of the education system; everywhere eles I'm just that odd little special person who's not to bright!

I graduate next year and I'm begining to panic. How on earth can I find a job when I feel i'll be good at nothing?

Is this fear irrational, or is it a rational response to a series of bad experiences?

What should I do?

Please help

My only advice is this.

Tell yourself, "Everything you think you know is a lie."

The "real world" follows a different set of rules than what a school teaches you. Learn those rules and it makes more sense.

Even a crazy person thinks logically. The problem is that their idea of "logic" is different from the status quo, but if you figure out how their logic works, you'll know what they are thinking and why.

I have the same problem. I'm very good academically but very poor in the workplace. I swing between thinking i'm really stupid and fairly intelligent (although more often the former). Alot of my academic success has simply been down to doing work. I'm going into my second year of a Physics degree (I got a first in year1 and one of the best marks in the year at a good University) and I deliberately transferred from a 3 year BSc to a 4 year MPhys for the very reason of delaying getting a job.. I'm just another one of those cliches that I hate

Hopefully I'm smart enough to do a PHD then go onto research. If not then i'll most likely become a teacher.

Firstly some advice from the great Douglas Adams - Don't Panic. It's a matter of finding the right environment and people to work with, and ideally turning what you are passionate about into a living income. It's been tough at times but sticking up for myself and staying on my own path has worked for me. I've managed to have a successful, fulfilling career and I'm sure you can too.

I know the feeling.

Work in a library. Most asshats get weeded out of there pretty quickly, and there's always something to be done so there's not much time over for workplace politics. You also have the option to just stack rather than deal with customers.

One of my sisters works in a library. I've always loved the library, and I think that's where I'd like to work if I have to go back to the standard workplace. My parents made sure that all my sisters and I were well-equipped to be librarians. In fact, the first time I read "A Brief History of Time" was because I ran across it at my local library.

In other news, people place far too much emphasis on an ability to follow a set of arbitrary, arcane social rules. I find it hilarious that people who follow these rules without question (even questioning that they exist!) would refer to people who do not as "stupid." I'm so glad that you can eat the red berries, now that we've figured out they're safe. Why don't you tell me why they're safe?

I work in a library. And there are lots of politics. Actually, it caused me to have a mental breakdown. But then when I got back to work everyone wanted to help me out and modify the library environment so that it would no longer be stressful for me. They like me and they know that I do a fantastic job at most of the tasks I'm employed to do (mainly sitting in the workroom away from other people), so they are willing to change things and accommodate my disability.

I think the key, therefore, is to find a job you are very good at. Think about what your interests are, and think about the way your mind works, and you will come up with something. Do your job well, and have your work appreciated by others, and people won't mind adjusting things to help you. Failing to accommodate you could be an equal opportunity issue as well. My workplace is obliged to do whatever they can to enable me to do my job. Of course, I cannot be too demanding - I must meet them part-way - but it is generally possible to support me.

I am also smart in academics but dumb in life. I don't understand most of what goes on around me when I'm at work, and I don't realise when I'm being taken advantage of. I have to rely on my boss to keep an eye on me, and hope that she never decides to prey on me herself. But my understanding of many things surpasses that of my colleagues, even though I am up to forty years younger than they are. It is very uneven, but that's ASDs.

Part of finding an appropriate job is just luck - you have to find a workplace that is supportive and positive. But I think if you play to your strengths (probably some sort of academics, in your case) and work up to full independence slowly, you can do it. I still can't live independently, and I have meltdowns and crashes often. But one day I will get there. I need to focus my whole attention on doing my job at this time, is all.

I don't know if that was coherent or what you were hoping to hear, but there it is.

with the verbal abuse, just assume they are talking about themselves and everything they say about you is actually about them. it's often true.

I have the same problem in my history too. But I never had a problem keeping a job or getting one that I didn't want (i.e. serving at a Perkins or Outback). It's because I change for that job vs one like bookkeeping. When I'm a bookkeeper, I'm task oriented, very accurate, very legit, and I'm also less apt to stand up for myself, more apt to bite the bullet, and worry too much about what I say and do around co-workers. In the serving industry, I figure they get what they pay for, and at $2.13 an hour, I'm very intimidating, domineering, quick to stand up for myself or anyone I feel like, quick to bully someone if I think they are a jerk... I'm rude, harsh, boat rocking I'm too good for this job. I think because I was so domineering and take over like in the restaurant industry, that's why nobody messed with me. But you can't be a pushover and change. You have to treat it like a dog and show them whose boss from the get go and be very consistent about it. There will always be one person who thinks you are being fake, and they will challenge it, so you can't let them win either. You just have to take over and be the alpha dog. I don't know how that works in a professional setting though. Been curious to try it out but haven't really yet.

Oh, and the more I think about it, I might have used brainwashing techniques in the service industry. Like be the attacker and then also the savior. Like I would be really verbally hard on one person, but at the same time, when they had a problem, I had their back. More I think about it, the friends I made in the military were that way too. Oh, thats pretty psycho of me. Hmmm, well it works.

Edited to add...as psycho as that makes me sound, NT's have been doing it to their kids since the dawn of civilization.

I am also intelligent when it comes to the classroom, but not the real world. I even was put into a day agency program for disabled people, but the jobs were not good for me, or they were focused on social aspect(dealing with the other clients and/or co-workers), which i have a hard time. I am going back to school, and actually had taken a CPR class for school and did very well and excelled. I am going to school for Histology technician, in which i would be working in laboratory. Working in a laboratory is like going to science class and doing lab work, so I am great at the job. Pretty much, after 10 years of doing mediocre jobs and other Non-Asperger Friendly jobs, I figured out I would do better in a laboratory. Actual I knew this a while back, but my day program does not give or support laboratory jobs, so they were crappy. I figure I have the intelligence, was an honor student in school. I went to Junior college and actually the same junior college I went to is where I am going to get my Associates in Histology Technician. I did very well (3.0 GPA) last time, but I was in the Art program and did not want to be there. Now I got my dream career all set, so i am happy.

I'm shocked that she spoke to you like this! She is obviously lacking in people skills herself.

I've heard that one many times before. Not sure where or why, or if it was a manager or not, but either way, it's all too familiar to me.

High ability to do academics, low daily-life skills... yeah, common enough. A lot of us function at the same level in the "real world" as people years younger. The plus part of that is that even if you are behind, it can be learned. If at twenty you are operating as well as someone who is twelve, then by the time you are thirty you may be operating as well as someone who is twenty-two--which tends to be about as much as they expect of you anyway.

Yes it is the same with me. In high school I was one of the best students. In college in many classes I was the best student in the class, there were many people who would come for me for help. Yet I couldn't get a job. There were lots of guys in my class who were far worse than me and yet they could get the best jobs. One of my bosses told me: "You don't have the abilities required to work here, yet I still think you might have some abilities cause you came from a good college."

I've found that without social skills--the kind that involve conveying a good impression and fitting in, rather than being a decent person--qualifications and conscientiousness don't mean much beyond getting the interview. In all my jobs, I'd be extremely conscientious and get the job done very well, but most supervisors would only focus on the social deficits. Apparently, the worst sin there is is to appear as though you are unsociable and don't smile enough. Once they see you don't smile enough and that you are different, they become blind to what you do well. In my experience, those who do possess social skills and fit in can sneak out of work early, be less skilled, and socialise throughout the day, and still have the edge.

I'm perfectionistic by nature, and punctual and polite, yet cannot find employment that will last. I love work and am very qualified, but have little success. I'm in my 30s and the most successful experience I had in the workplace was as a lab technician taking on the teachers' duties for no extra pay: preparing exams, invigilating, and supervising student projects. Two teachers were chronically ill and had to take much time off. Another couldn't be bothered to file away the enormous pile of papers on the office floor and openly bad-mouthed me and others. Most were overwhelmed by having to run the remains of a school that had been closed by the authorities, due to not meeting standards, and having to set it up on a makeshift site. Soon after I joined, teachers were starting to target me (the different one with more qualifications), but once they realised they could use me to also do their work for them, and the work they could not do (e.g., fixing the photocopier, using spreadsheets, setting up a filing system), they changed their attitudes and no longer criticised.

Most never did approve of me. In one school, a couple of the technicians felt threatened by me because I'd been employed to fill in a skills gap, and, among other things, they would ignore me or not get me to help them in view of anyone. For example, one open day, they were showing off their lab computers to a group of prospective students with their parents. They could not get the software to work and spent ages working on it while everyone looked on and still failed to figure it out. Once the room had emptied, they got me to fix it. Even though I'd been employed to handle the tasks they couldn't, they would involve me as little as possible, downplaying or ignoring whatever I did well.

These were among my best work experiences. I am currently too ill to work and living off savings. I would love to be able to work--there's so much I am capable of--but cannot access the workplace, and my dealings with people and the system over the years wrecked my health.

Last edited by outlier on 28 Jun 2009, 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am similar to outlier insome resepcts.
I duxed at school in the final two years (2nd overall in the school, first in all the exams, bar one or two.) I topped a subject at uni and excelled in others.

I have been on a pension most of my life, and cannot work with people. I cannot cope with office situations and the social aspect of work interactions or just interactions, on a daily basis.

I can come in and appear absolutely fine. I do the "hello. NIce to meet you . ask a few questions etc...." Bit by bit the scripts and mask dissolves away and I become what I am - a singular focused, non-team player, who says the wrong thing and is a whistle blower and who is smarter than most but cannot cope with all the stimulus and interaction of normal life. I will be found at break time on my own and not with the group, reading a book or a mag.... i tried this for very brief times at various times in my life. It is very hard and disheartening. OTher women in the office becoem suspicious of me because i am not a "team player." Then the paranoia sets in, and the pain of being different and not understanding wehn women are talking about hair and make-up, clothes and chit chat. I want to talk about facts and special interests. no-one is interested. the gulf widens.

The dread sets in, the exhaustion sets in, the sickies start, the attempts at "living a normal life" collapse around me, and I am stuffed. I am back to being the odd girl, the eccentric, the weird one.

I have done some menial jobs for periods of time.

Now i just work best on my own. with my special interest. I am poor at present, but semi-happy. well...about as happy as it is ever going to get for me.