Banter is particularly difficult .. on the autism spectrum

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I always thought I was good at banter but bad at smalltalk. Point is I didnt know that banter had it's own name. Perhaps sometimes I banter too much.

Banter WikiEach type of conversation has its own cluster of purposes and expectations attached.

Functional conversation is designed to convey information in order to help achieve an individual or group goal.
Small talk is a type of conversation where the topic is less important than the social purpose of achieving bonding between people or managing personal distance.
Banter is non-serious conversation, usually between friends, which may rely on humour or in-jokes at the expense of those taking part. The purpose of banter may at first appear to be an offensive affront to the other person's face. However, people engaging in such a conversation are often signaling that they are comfortable enough in each others' company to be able to say such things without causing offense. Banter is particularly difficult for those on the autism spectrum, or those with semantic pragmatic disorder.

This is definitely the case for me.

It depends on the person. Some people I can banter with, some I can't. When I was a kid, a friend and I played what we called the "insult game."

Regards,

Patricia

Huh, I thought I was better at banter than small talk. But, sometimes, I take banter directed towards me too personally, even if I know it's just playing around.

Yeah, I'm not good at either small talk or banter.

I can only do serious discussions/debates about specific topics well.

I find it easier to insult myself than others. I really don't get banter nor small talk. I don't think I ever will no matter how much I try. I think I'm to far on the spectrum to even remotely understand it.

Im not too bad at banter, but I fail at small talk.

Some people with ASD's can be particularly adept at banter. they can do all sorts of word plays and puns, draw people in with the twists and turns of language in a most engaging way.

My suspicion is this excerpt in the opening post actually adheres to the usual stereotypies of the autistic person with scant knowledge of the variations in presentation.


there is no doubt i am most comfortable with functional talk and engagement with people. Give me facts, a purpose, discussion about special interests and I am ok.
the social chit chat is weird for me.

My issue with banter is that I get nothing out of it when it's not actually humorous to me. I can't fake participation just to bond more easily. I prefer really dark humour that isn't suitable for polite banter.

This girl says to me "How was your week?". The cogs start thinking Monday x1 happened which was f1, Tuesday x2 happened which was f2 and I was worried about x3 x4. At the same time I'm saying to myself, "SMALLTALK ALERT", just say ummmm ummmm ummm whatever I should say here.

Banter is the most difficult form of conversation for me. I always take it too seriously. If someone is a close friend, though, I can understand that their banter is meant lightly and that they aren't insulting me.

For me it goes:
Banter
Meaningful conversation
Small Talk

Small talk is just so uninteresting that I can't even act like I can do it. But banter, most of what I say is banter. I'm always making jokes. I used to make really offensive jokes, but I settled down a bit.